Or a kick in the ass is also a step forward. That would be a sort of alternate title for this blog post.
I’m sure you know what failure means. Whether life changing or not, every defeat carries with it enormous potential. Somewhere hidden, of course. And it may take time to realize that failure is an integral part of who we are as humans.
But we often choose to deny it.
That’s why we like success stories so much. That’s why we love to believe that brilliant writers come up with wonderful first drafts. Everything they write is gold. The bitter alternative to this is that we have to work hard all our lives and still be haunted by the monster of failure.
We all want to become so good at what we love doing that it becomes effortless. We want to stroll our fingers across the keyboard and win the Pulitzer.
But it’s not like that.
In November 2010 I found out about NaNoWriMo. And after months and months of writing only when I felt like it, I said to myself, “Now this is a challenge.” And I began working on a novel.
It took me a few days just to decide on the idea. And then a couple more days of following an idea, then scrapping it for something better. It was the first time that I was writing a novel. I had never written anything close to 50 thousand words. Also, it was the first time I was writing fiction in the English language.
So I wrote. And I was pretty excited about this, because as I wrote, I was finding out more and more about self-publishing.
The thing is that I’ve always thought about the day I’ll get published as being set to this really, really vague date in the future. Sometime, somewhere. And when I found out about the possibility to self-publish, about being able to choose your own date, that inspired me.
And, probably, for the first time in my “career” as a writer, I set myself a goal. To finish, to edit, and to publish a novel before my 20th birthday. We’re talking about two months. Now, I wouldn’t try to publish a short story in that time frame.
But I was young and naive and I really wanted to be a writer. And I think that I really needed a purpose, a goal, a dream back then.
Anyway, I completed a first draft by the end of November. And then I set up to learn about interior formatting and cover design and all that.
But I forgot to do one thing. Which was to write a decent book.
The first version of La tiers du cylindre sucked. Big time. There are so many bad things about the book itself, that I used to tell people that the only things I like about it were the cover and the dedication. But back then, when I was getting ready to launch my novel, I didn’t think it was crap. I thought it was brilliant and that Warner Bros. was going to adapt it into a movie.
Because there’s an entire ocean between me and the US, I received my proof on the 6th of January 2011. The same day I approved my proof and a few days later the novel went live on Amazon. A few weeks later, I published the Kindle version.
Then I proceeded to ask for reviews. And I promoted. Paid for a few ads on Goodreads and Facebook. And I made a blog.
Between January and March 2011, I wrote a grand total of 3 blog posts, did two blog interviews, got my novel featured on three sites and got a four star review on Amazon and a 2 star review on Goodreads. Oh, and I sold 2 paperbacks and 2 e-book copies. At which time I decided that my book was crap. Well, it was more like I realized it.
The book was really bad: bad editing, bad writing, bad dialogue. Too much philosophical mussing for anyone’s taste. Not enough description, not much of a plot.
So I gave up. I took my book off Amazon, deleted my blog. Gave up on writing for a few months.
I had failed. There was nothing to be proud of in what I did. It was such a failure that I didn’t even ruin my career. Because I hadn’t built one. It was such a failure that no one even knew I existed. And I had no patience. I was 20, I wanted success, I wanted to become a great writer. I wanted it all so badly that I wasn’t willing to wait. Which isn’t the most important part of building something great. The part which contains the words “hard” and “work” is.
But I didn’t know that. I couldn’t find enough motivation to write. So I gave up.
One night in September 2011 I had this idea on how to make La tiers du cylindre into an at least decent story. And I began re-writing it. I think there are about two or three different occasions when I felt as inspired as I was during the first three weeks of rewriting my first novel. I didn’t rush. I enjoyed it. When I got stuck, I didn’t panic. I waited.
In November 2011 I discovered Wattpad. And I decided to upload one of the chapters I was most proud of to see if anyone liked my writing. And people did enjoy it. Really, really. And I found a lot of motivation there. And I also found out why people really write. I wanted to be read. I wanted to make people feel. I wanted to inspire.
I wanted to write about people, not characters. I wanted to write about events that could trigger something inside a reader’s mind, that people would respond to. And I didn’t really want to be invisible anymore.
Probably I could spend a thousand more words and write inspirational stuff like that why do we fall thing in the new Batman movies, but I’m not going to. And I’m not going to write about how important it is to share your art, to find people who are going to keep you motivated, to keep you writing even when you feel like the most terrible writer in the world.
Maybe a victory is always preceded by one long string of failures.
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Yes, and taking a step back–a break from a writing project gives fresh perspective. And you catch all the booboos better because you read what is really there–not what you meant to say.
I'm not a writer, but your words speak to me about other aspects of my life. It's a constant challenge to stay positive and motivated when circumstances and people seek to be pushing you toward negativity. I used to run marathons and remember well how hard I sometimes had to push to overcome the loud voices of my body telling me to stop, to give in to the pain, to quit. Somehow I was able to persevere and finish all of the marathons I started. That was my goal and it was really more for me than for others–I was not in the race to win it, but I wanted to give it my best. It seems to me that our blogs (and our lives outside of our blogs) can be–and maybe should be–like that. At the end of the day, at the end of my life I'd like to be able to say that I gave it my best shot.
Amen!! ;)
Well said Mike!
The only way to set yourself up for victory is to be prepared for failure.
Thanks for mentioning Wattpad. I'm going to check it out. … I'm sure you've heard that failures are the building blocks to success … Thanks for sharing your story … Dorothy :-)
Your ability to capture a topic with such heart-stopping depth leaves me stunned by your age. Keep it up…you have a lifetime ahead of you my friend!! :)
Hi Cristian, I don't believe you failed. You may have gotten your ass kicked but your still in the fight. You would have failed if you gave up and never wrote again, that's failure. Take it from an old man who has had plenty for failures in his life. So, put your hands up, tuck your chin in and come out typing. Follow that path that has your heart in it. It's the only path worth following anyway.
As a comedian, I know exactly what you're talking about. I write something great. I laugh my ass off. I think, 'Man, when they hear this, they are going to erupt with laughter.'
Then on the way to the show, I start second guessing myself. Then, I get to the show and look at the crowd and think, 'I don't think this joke is going to work.'
But I don't have anything else prepared. So I have to take it on stage. And things go bad. Like really bad. And I walk off stage with my head down and think to myself, 'Fuz…I thought I had something there…'
But the worst day, just like the best, is still 24 hours. The next day, I wake up, think about the joke, and sometimes come up with a new line that makes me laugh again. 'Now I have it!'
And while I might not have, 'it' yet, what I do have is the desire, deep down, to become a great comedian That's what keeps me going.
When I first wrote "Ripple", it wasn't as good as I thought it was. I had to redo the entire second half of the story, cut out a good deal of bull, and add in a couple hundred words before I thought it looked better. it got rejected at one place, and nearly a year after I first started writing a story about aliens that visit Earth, it was accepted for publication.
Funny how things like that work out, isn't it?
Sure, I've known plenty of failure. But I also have the safisfaction of knowing that there are a few things that I can do better than most people. I've known a couple of people who have never known failure. They seemed somehow unfinished to me.
Thought provoking as ever. I think you have captured another area of self publishing that can become a pitfall for authors (first time and otherwise). Without feedback, critique partners, or peers that can stand back and give you objective view, some writers can find themselves caught up in the process and forget about the product.
There are those that proceed thinking success is a given (it's not). And those that can't leave a book or story alone, returning to put forth 2nd, 3rd and 4th revisions of the same story and then sending emails to "please upload the latest version". At some point, you have to let a book go, and proceed to the next one, having hopefully learned something about yourself and writing in the process.
Yes, the old route of sending in manuscripts, receiving rejections, finding agents. Its hard, it's tough and yes, no longer the only route to publication. However, there is something to be said about the old method of getting published. You did get feedback. You understood how to handle rejection (important in this "everyone wins" approach to child rearing), and eventually fell under the umbrella of a good or great editor to help you and your book become the best they could be.
It sounds like the path you took turned out to be the best tutelage you could have gotten. Congratulations on recognizing that, some never get it.
Reblogged this on Mermaids Singing and commented:
This is lovely, and so apt.
As you've said previously, there are no shortcuts, and there is no substitute for hard work.
We write, we play, we love for the joy of it. Everything else is just decoration.
NaNoWriMo is tough shit. I can't even read 50K words in a month let alone write them. The fact you finished your story – even if it was worse than the Sex And The City movie – is an accomplishment; or, as you put, a victory in the "failure."
And thanks for the tip on WattPad. Never heard of it, looks awesome.
Indeed, it's a really great community. Mostly teenagers though. But for a twenty year old aspiring writer from Romania it was quite amazing.
These words should be the first page of a Bible for writers. Great article.
it is not about victory and I,m sure you know, it,s about what you have to do, …..
And I know you know that and I ,m enyoing your writing, thanks a lot !
enjoyed this very much … thank u
victory comes after a string of failures >>> i like this .. beautiful
I could totally relate to this. When I 'finished' my first book, I thought it was fantastic. I couldn't understand why I couldn't find an agent. Thank goodness I didn't self-publish…wasn't as brave as you. Eventually, as I learned more, I realized my book was, while not horrible, also not good. I have rewritten it about five times since then, and I'm on my final go-round. Then I will self-publish because I now know I have something I won't be embarrassed about after the fact. I guess we've all been in that interminable state of 'this is crap' limbo, even the very best of us.
Wonderful! And it is motivational to read that someone your age has made this realization about failure and found the strength to keep moving after it all. Great job! :-)
Failure is an opportunity to another open door down the road.
Double Like!! Thanks for your open sharing on your writing experiences… I took part in NaNoWriMo last year too, and wrote a novel that sucked too! Reading your blog gives me hope…
Love this post. I always learn so much from reading you posts. Thanks.
It is always good to remember people who have had long strings of failures before success. Politicians like Abraham Lincoln and inventors like Thomas Edison. They learned from each failure and that helped lead to eventual success.
Reblogged this on ecomom22 and commented:
This is so true, what a great viewpoint of the writer…. worth a read!
Enjoyed reading this, it was exactly what I needed at this moment, hope you don't mind I reblogged to share with others who may need this as well…. http://www.ecomom22.com
Thanks!
Thank you!! I learn something new every day. Never heard of NaNoWriMo. And then I found out there was a Vancouver Canada chapter. Writing is about connecting – and that is something you do well…
I think every fail is a step towards success as long as you are conscious of your efforts and open to criticism. Having said this, where we may feel we have failed, others may not and it depends on how you guage your success. I love reading your posts. And now see that I must read your book!!
Loved your post. These lines felt especially poignant:
"And I also found out why people really write. I wanted to be read. I wanted to make people feel. I wanted to inspire" You mirrored so completely my own feelings. Thank you so much for sharing.
Reblogged this on Visual Inspirations and commented:
I know this is a photoblog, but his words were so inspiring I wanted to share them. It does't matter what endeavor we are on,we will fail before we succeed. This is truthfully how I feel about so much of my life and art.
Great post. I dream of writing a novel, but I don't even know where to start. Perhaps I'll take a leaf out of your book, so to speak.
thanks for such an inspiring post! love it!
I had the same struggle with law school. It took me years to decide to go. Lots of starts and stops and detours, but I am now where I want to be and I am in law school because I want to be a lawyer.
Great post about failure and finding inspiration. It's a hard, but important lesson to learn in life.
Ad astra per ardua, Christian.
To the stars through difficulty.
You're very nice and genuine.
I ❤ your blog!
Hope you had a great day! 💋
One of the greatest merits of a perceived failure is the story of how you persevered in spite of it, and the help it may be for others to hear. Thanks for sharing one of yours!
This is a great post! Thank you for sharing your writing experiences. I am so inspired but at the same aware of the amount of work ahead. I am on a journey of writing my first book so it is good to know what to expect. Thank you for your frankness about the hard reality of a writer.
Rolain.
Thank you for sharing your story cristian. I have wanted to be a writer for some time, but i kept telling myself that i wanted to live life first and do something interesting before I become a "writer" because no one wants to read me if I am boring. Lol. I still think I am boring but I have started to write again…fiction, a bit of romance, but incorporating other genres and stuff. I keep wanting to buy your books, but not sure how I am suppose to download it off amazon. Do I need to buy a kindle? Can I download without that? Sorry for the questions…
I used to think the same thing. But it's not really like that. No life is completely boring. There's a lot of inspiration in the mundane, it only needs awareness from your part to discover it.
Yeah, you don't have to buy a kindle to buy my books off Amazon. You can read them on your PC, or cell phone, or iPad. Also, there's a paperback version of "Jazz" that doesn't require much. Just a valid mailing address, I suppose, so they can ship the book to you.
So True. :)
In every failure there comes victory? I hope so. I hope in every failure I encounter I will be able to take a step towards my victory.
"We all want to become so good at what we love doing that it becomes effortless. We want to stroll our fingers across the keyboard and win the Pulitzer."
I think you are wrong about this, if nothing else. There's a saying (I may have invented it, but I don't think so) — Hell is the place where you get everything you want. My soon to be released book (4th in a series) even has the tile "A Different Kind of Heaven", which is saying that heaven can't be perfect because people would soon be going crazy with boredom. Do you enjoy playing naughts and crosses (or tic tac toe or whatever you call it where over there) against 5 year olds? Of course not. It isn't fun if it isn't a challenge.
Writing is a challenge, every day (well, good writing), and that's why we love it.
I said we all want that, not that it would be great if you could do it. Maybe we do reach a plateau sometimes. Our abilities, our minds, and our bodies can only evolve so much. But also I think that we never realize it. We never find ourselves on top of the mountain, staring down at the rest of the world. We never stop long enough to realize what we have gained.
Great post! And I agree, a kick in the ass is also a step forward! Haha, and yes, everyone that's ever made anything of themselves have failed repeatedly preceding their victory, its just about not being afraid to fail, and then pick your self up after, and to fail again, only better.
I enjoyed this blog and can relate to it.
I struggle with failure! Several years ago, I went back to university to become an artist. I had plenty of hopes and aspirations, knowing that I'd spent 7 unfulfilling years in a string of jobs that I had accidentally fallen into. I had always wondered where I might have ended up of I had made a different career choice in the beginning.
Well, at the end of my degree I was sure I could just swan into a design agency and become a rising star. But, things weren't to be. I couldn't cope with the pressure of being at the bottom of the pile, and being treated like the spotty teenager whose world was her oyster but who needed to learn a thing or two. I wasn't a teenager, I had life experience, I had job experience, and I knew how to graft. But my flailing self confidence meant I didn't think I was up to scratch and neither did my temporary employers. They let me go and I was devastated. I stopped drawing and designing for a good few years, I hid away all the university work I had previously been so proud of and just plodded on with a job that, as it turns out is just as unfulfilling as the previous ones. It feels a lot like failure but with hindsight, we make those decisions because at the time, they are exactly what you need (Oh my goodness, I'm quoting Grey's Anatomy!).
Now, several years down the line, I'm still in a rubbish job but I'm drawing again and keeping a blog a great outlet for my creativity. I am only bound by my terms and I can draw for other people's pleasure. It is nice when someone you don't know 'likes' or 'comments' on your post. It's a lift and a pat on the back. It's the opposite of failure, however small, it's success!
"And I have no patience"-> describes me perfectly right now. Thanks for the post , really hits home right now.
Inspirational!
Its commendable, that passion you have at this age. Most people your age, or even older, don't even know what they really want. This clarity in thought, this depth, and these language skills are going to take you a long way :) Keep up!
Excellent and timely.
Brilliant post. You speak from the heart. For me writing is a way of getting to know myself better and by doing so life becomes more fluid. When you speak from the heart you emit an energy that attracts and helps like minded souls . Thank you Cristian
Your post reminded me of Anne Lamott and the inevitability of shitty first drafts. Sounds like you had both the carrot (good reviews) and the stick (rotten sales), but the carrot was all empty calories. I admire your dedication to writing as a career.
Your post was exactly what I needed! For various reasons, I haven't worked on my novel for over three months. And while I've felt an intense void, like I've lost my best friend, the longer I procrastinate the easier it becomes to avoid writing even the slightest, most imperfect paragraph.
Thank you for your inspiration! Hopefully, today will be the day I begin to re-enter my writing world!
Hitch your wagon to a star! Never look back. Keep moving forward, and to hell with the naysayers!
"Or a kick in the ass is also a step forward." Absolutely love that line. Great post.
It's great that you learned from your failure – many people don't and that is a great step towards success and self-discovery!
Cristian, I think this might be the best post you've written, since I started following you. Perhaps because it speaks not only to writing, but to life. In all aspects, it's not about how many times you fall, but how many times you get up. Well done, my friend :)
I wrote a post a while back which is somewhat related. This is the link. Take a moment, if you want:
http://thomasrydder.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.p…
Every time I come to my first NaNoWriMo project that I kept adding to here and there during college I feel the same. Finally finished, I hate so much about it and wonder whether I should give up on this fixer upper, if it will be worth the time, energy and irritation I've spent attempting to mould the text into something presentable.
Christian you have a gift in your words, I can relate to what you are saying here, not as a writer but as any professional that wants to succeed and have experienced failure and tough moments.
Well done! "I wanted to be read. I wanted to make people feel. I wanted to inspire." That's what drives me to write. I want to "touch" people (not in the Catholic priest manner) but touch their hearts and minds and relate to them. Let them into my mind and see my soul. I think you're the same. We may fail but we'll keep trying. Edison said, "Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration." Hard Work and Persistence!
This really reminds me of how important it is to simply "do the work". It may not be great, you may wonder if it is worth it, but there is something instigating in the act of creation. Every action results in creation and we just need to trust the process.
Sometimes it's good to be naive. It gives us the courage to start something big :)
i don't like failure. I don't suppose anyone does. But we have to keep growing, right? And failure is a part of that. I think it's good sometimes to take a step back from the writing.
But don't give up. Come back fresh and try again. Thank you for the post.
“Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.”
–Samuel Beckett
Seems like you just proved that failure is the best teacher of all, and that the only important thing is to learn to fail better, until such point as you finally succeed. Good for you! Great post. Very inspiring! Thanks.
Reblogged this on Uncertainly Awesome and commented:
A very encouraging blog from Cristian Mihai, especially for an aspiring writer!
*S* .. I think what you are saying is that…failing….if taken in the right way, can be a grand learning experience. Nod nods.
By the way, I was dabbling at NaNoWriMo last year…but did not really have the time for it. However, I have vowed to do it this year! 1,877 words a day lol. I also have loaded Scrivener onto my computer to help me with organizing my writing. (Yes…I know…NO editing allowed lol.)
And… just over two months to go. I am soooooo excited. I was going to do a blog about NaNoWriMo soon.
I like your honesty. Getting to the end of a novel, even if it isn't very good, is a success in itself. It takes many endearing attributes to complete such a task. Keep on 'fighting the good fight' – but above all, enjoy!
There really isn't such a thing as failure. In fact, everything is merely perspective.
Good inspirational post. I particularly like the opening – "A kick in the ass is also a step forward." Well put.
well not everything is a failure… my book review, thank you for giving me second place… .http://miartedoris.wordpress.com/2012/08/22/jazz/
Christian…I think most victories come through failure. Failure is how we learn. The mistake is not trying again when we fall. Congrats on your victories!
I love hearing stories of near failure. So often we are led to believe that success has just fallen into the laps of the famous, it is nice to hear the reality. They are people just like us, and have days when they wonder what on earth they are doing and throw everything into the bin and start again.
Really great! You rarely hear the stories of the years and years of hard work that are behind the "overnight sensations". Tenacity and patience are priceless. Your post was a great reminder of this.
you are too awesome, i am so inspired by your work and your attitude towards achieving your goals :) I wish you all the best!
Cristian, I am at the very beginning of a novelist's journey. My blog will tell about my steps and stumbles along the way. If you had any advice to offer a new novelist about the process, what would it be? I would love to pick your brain sometime about self-publishing as well. Please keep reading my blog and I am a new follower of yours as well. http://verynovel.wordpress.com/
You relieved my broken confidence and I am enlightened by your post. Thanks for sharing :)
A 20-year-old author. Now, that's something to be really proud of. It takes a lot of discipline just to blog short travel articles on a regular basis, much less assemble a 50,000-word first-draft manuscript, and you've done it multiple times already. Kudos to you. Keep moving forward and maybe you'll get a Pulitzer someday. Your readership will appreciate it.
Excellent post. I always like to say there is no such thing as failure, only feedback!
As I head to Italy in just a few weeks to work on my book I feel quite impatient as well. Great blog, and at such a perfect time for me to read it. Have you always self-published?
Great post, you can learn so much more from failure than you can from success! I have bought one of your stories on my kindle the other day, can't wait to read it.
[...] Thank you Cristian for sharing your eloquent story and for helping me to let go of my blogging perfectionism and need to have it all/learn it all/be it all for everyone – NOW! There’s victory in every failure. [...]
Very interesting post. Publishing your first book at the age of 20 is quiet astounding, best seller or not. You have entertained me through your blog post, and I am sure that will translate over to many well written and entertaining novels in the future. Well done.
Failure is not an option it just an opportunity to get better. Determination is a prerequisite of success. Great read!
Great subject matter!
And I mean that sincerely :)
Thank you Cristian :)
Thank you for this posting of the trials and errors of writting a book, it is true the bottom line is having your work read, at least it is for me. I haven't been able to get a single soul to take a gander at it and I have gotten too close to see what is needed. This is where your suggestion of Wattpad a place I wasn't aware of is going to come in handy. Thank you again…
I can totally relate to this post….struggling and failing time after time I think with anything, whether it's writing a book or applying for jobs (http://wp.me/p6grj-7v)…it just sucks. thanks for the post. it's motivating.
Christian you can embroider with your words. You say you want to become a writer, but you are a writer already. Keep it up, please.
This is the truth in black and white: failure preceeds success. Life does not have a fast-forward button. We actually have to go through the process before we achieve success. And success in itself is not a destination. I really enjoyed this. Thanks for your openness.
Nice painting btw
Lovely and thank you!
But…you wrote a book. You wrote a book! How many people can say that? And then when you realized it wasn't what you wanted, you had the guts and perseverance to re-work it. Not a failure, in my opinion.
Christian, I have to insist that failures aren't failures unless you learn from them. Then failures become lessons and actually teach us how to succeed. Failures are essentially practice on the way to success. I am glad that you didn't stop after your first attempt!
Thank you for sharing your story.
Wow!
"Maybe a victory is always preceded by one long string of failures" is the thesis of Tim Hartford's Adapt: Why Success Always Starts with Failure, I think. Whether this thesis is true or not, I don't know, but I'd think it's true that long string of failures don't always end in victories. Furthermore, it seems that confessions to previous failures are usually only written from a place of some success. It's the "feel good genre" of writing — "yes, I got cancer, but I beat it and cancer was the best thing that happened to me." "Yes, I came from an alcoholic family and was myself a drug user, but now I'm clean and high on life". Maybe it's because none of us wants to read a tale about failures that end in, well, failures with no redeeming bright light to make the experience all worthwhile.
A kick in the ass is a step forward. Nice.
[...] There’s victory in every failure (cristianmihai.net) [...]
I'm a strong believer in the notion that there's actually no such thing as failure, just very steep learning curves. We learn from our mistakes, and that's how we hone our skills, or at times realise that certain paths just were not, for whatever reason, the right ones for us, and so we have to follow a different path to attain self-actualisation. I believe that's as true of writing as it is for any skill or ability, it takes practice, and it takes work, a lot of editing and polishing work to make it as good as it can be. That's where the victory finally comes from, the sense of achievement from finally succeeding at completing some project, be it a book or anything else in life.
I most enjoyed and appreciated your honesty in this article! i totally agree in your philosophy about failures, so true! There's a lot of tips and advice everyone can use. Brilliant.
almost cried over this (quite emotional, being someone who's going through something / failure) haha. i will remember this, especially: I was not in the race to win it, but I wanted to give it my best. It seems to me that our blogs (and our lives outside of our blogs) can be–and maybe should be–like that.
Reblogged this on Jaggi.