I always thought that people are never entirely bad or good, and never inherently so. I always believed that people one only one thing: to be happy. And they set out into this world with this goal in mind, doing their best to acquire that which they require in order to be happy.
Happiness is not a destination. It is, I’m afraid, a series of moments in which we feel we have everything. There’s nothing to add, nothing to remove. And we’d like to stretch each and everyone of those moments for as long as possible. Of course, a moment of happiness never lasts forever.
Ultimately, there are no happy endings in life.
And sometimes life’s a gamble.
My definition of a gamble is the following: you risk of losing something you need or care about for the promise of gaining more of what you already have or something you don’t have but need.
In other words, you have to be willing to lose in order to win.
Like I said, we all do our best. Some play by the rules, and some don’t. Some try to find shortcuts, some just want to play it safe.
I’d really like to tell you all that being an artist is easy, that it is enough to just want to become one, but I just can’t do such a thing.
When I started writing in my early teens, I was doing so because I had everything provided for by my parents. It was easy to do what I wanted, and the interesting part (and I’m truly grateful for that) is that my parents let me make my own mind about stuff ever since I was 12.
Of course, I made mistakes. But that’s what life’s all about. Making mistakes, trying to hard or not hard enough, meeting, helping, and falling in love with the wrong people.
It’s all just trial and error.
Like I was saying, I could afford to think of myself as being a writer, because I wasn’t risking anything. But when I decided to make this my job, to become a professional writer (or self-publisher), I had to take a lot of risks.
Some of you know this, some don’t, but I don’t have any other source of income. I just write and sell books. And I blog.
And you know why I did this, and why I decided to keep writing (and never give up, no matter what) ?
Because writing is the one thing I like doing most in this world. And that’s the most important thing. Because writing makes me happy. I find happiness in the stories I write, I find happiness by knowing that writing will affect others, that my writing will change things.
And if I fail?
Well, I will fail by doing something I love, which I think is the most important thing you can do in this life. I’m not saying that doing what you love most in the world is enough, that you don’t have to strive to be better, that you don’t have to fight and bleed.
You will struggle. You will fail. You will have regrets.
But that’s one fight you’ll never regret losing. Never. Because if you’re passionate about whatever it is that you do, you’ll derive a lot of pleasure out of it, without even carrying that much about money, success, and recognition.
That’s what makes writers unique. The vast majority of them don’t write for fame, glory, or money. They just write because that’s the one thing that makes them happy.
Some might see this as the most accessible form of happiness: you sit down at your desk, and voila!, you’re happy.
Maybe they’re right. Maybe not.
I do know one thing though: when you figure out what’s the one thing you want most in this world, you’ll have to take risks. And in that moment, you’ll be brave enough and smart enough to realize what is that you risk to lose, what is it that you have to gain.
But there’s one thing you should care about: the odds.
No matter the odds, you should always fight for the thing you want most, because that’s the only fight you’ll never regret losing.
***
As you already know by now, I’m planning on releasing another novel at the end of March. Book sales haven’t been great lately, so I find myself asking for your help.
You can help me pay for editing (and publish my novel) here.
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Someone once told me that everything is an exchange. You exchange money for groceries. You exchange products in order to form relationships between companies. And you exchange time and sweat and hope in order to create something you want to touch others with. Whether that something is good or bad…that's subjective for the most part.
Do you think you need a certain madness to be a writer? I've had people tell me that in order to write they need to be in a really dark and unhappy place. I like writing whether I'm happy or sad or whatever and sometimes I wonder why someone would write if it doesn't make them happy.
I'm glad to see that isn't the case with you. And while you enjoy the writing process, you inspire others to continue or even start writing again. That's a pretty great thing.
I don't believe so. You do need to have something to write about, and that can only be done by living life. The thing is, sometimes it seems that art never comes out of happiness, that you need to suffer in order to fully understand what life is all about – and thus, create art that will matter to people.
I did go through something like this. A few years back writing was the only thing I had. I don't know if it had a decisive influence on me as a writer or not, but I do know that I wasn't working at full capacity, I was just feeling as if words were bleeding out of my soul.
I wrote because I wanted to get away from the dark place I was in, because I didn't like the person I had become.
If suffering acts as a shortcut or is crucial in creating true artists, that I cannot say, but I'm certain that for every Gauguin or van Gogh there are a thousand miserable drug addicts who died without ever producing anything of real value.
There's this quote by Antonin Artaud that I really like: "No one has ever written, painted, sculpted, modeled, built, or invented except literally to get out of hell."
I'm not sure I agree entirely with this quote, but I believe there's something there. I'd just say that we all write, paint, sculpt, model, build, or invent because we feel there's something missing, either in our lives or in the lives of others.
That I agree with. Although when I went through a terrible time in my life I did absolutely nothing, not even write. Afterwards though, I was able to write about that suffering and gain perspective that I never had before. Who knows though…I just like knowing why others write, and how it differs from why I write. What's different and what's similar. The answers are always interesting.
Dear Mr. Mihal: I am puzzled. If writing makes you happy, and you don't stop writing, how can you fail? Vonn Scott Bair
Fair question. I guess you're right, in a way. You never fail as long as you do what makes you happy. But there are countless other dreams and ambitions related to that thing that makes you happy, ambitions and dreams you might never fulfill.
I love your writing. You inspire me so much.
Before reading this, I spent several hours browsing the internet for ways of how I will develop myself as a writer. I am still testing different waters, trying to figure out what kind of writer I wanted to be. I ended up reading a stream of blogs that promote themselves lavishly, like they are not bloggers and/or writers anymore. They're marketers and businessmen. They breathe advertisements, paid reviews and freebies. Which is probably not bad, especially if they are supporting themselves. But reading their posts saddens me. I look back from their first blog posts, and compare that to their recent. They had a voice when they started their blog. Now, they write like an ad, full of hype flags and smileys. It's rare to read popular blogs that continuously share their own thoughts.
It was depressing to accept that perhaps the future of writers will become like that. Perhaps, that's where we are all heading.
But because of your post, it made me think otherwise.
You are right. Writers write not to be rich and famous, or to be the guru of freelancing and self-publishing. We write because it makes us happy.
Thank you so much. I know now what I really want.
'Ultimately, there are no happy endings in life.'
Maybe you should wait until the end to decide… ;) Many have gone/will go out of this life feeling like it was all worth it. That's happy, isn't it? :)
Whenever I think about this I imagine a guy who just kissed the girl he loves for the first time, and on his way home, gets hit by car and dies instantly.
Death is always a tragic matter, and if you know you're going to die, even if you don't regret the things you did, I still say there's no chance you wouldn't want more time… another second, another day.
Simply put, if life's great, you'd want more of it, and if it's not, you'd want an entirely different one.
I think life is what you make or it, lemons or lemonade. Happy is a perspective. Happy is a choice. :) But then, what do I know? I've only got about thirty years on you. ;) Always enjoy your posts…
I love this. My ex husband used to say that I was an inherently depressed person with moments of happiness. That reading made me think of that. Thamks for sharing.
Well put.
Love the Caravaggio!
It's always helpful to look within. I find it curious how we have been taught to pursue happiness..as in the Declaration of Independence. "Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness". But the fact that we pursue it, constantly chasing it, is insane. True happiness comes finally realizing that nothing outside of you will ever completely fulfill that. We don't have to pursue something that can only exist in the present moment. Even when you remember a happy event from the past, you're still in the present.
I really enjoyed this blog post and your writing style. The type of life you were provided with as a child is fortunate not afforded by most. Keep swimming.
You are right when you say that life involves risk. In fact, life on this earth can be downright dangerous. But rather than a gamble, I believe that life is a Gift given us with purpose and design. The thing I love about writing is when in the process the Giver interjects thoughts and ideas I never saw before. It is amazing and humbling at the same time.
,
Christian,
Well said. Writing rarely pays. People rarely pay for opinion, nor even art nor artistic endeavors. Online isn’t much different. I sympathize with creative writers because they need uninterrupted time, and writing for the most part is hard. Your best work can lead you to dark places. Good art looks easy. There’s little to no feedback at times, and fine art (for it’s own sake) is almost never rewarded.
Most of us are willing to pay for only what we want, or need. If I provide you with a good or a service, and I do so ethically and with integrity, I need to win your business or confidence in the first place. I now have a contract that spells out our obligations to one another, sometimes for years. I need maintain a relationship with you and let you know why I’m worth your business, and money, and time.
Many good writers never become great because of life: health, kids, love, money. Most people are dealing with these things and have little time to spare.
I wish I could tell you more, but I’ve found this to be true. Maybe there’s solidarity in a common struggle.
Good post.
I spelled your name wrong. How's that for solidarity? Sorry about that.
I appreciate you post.
I believe that if one is a writer, then one writes. There is no such thing as failing because if you are a writer and you write, then you are fulfilling your destiny. However, there may be writer goals that one wishes to achieve. One of my writing mentors said: Triumph comes through Perserverance. I totally believe what she says.
Keep writing.
Smiles,
Linda Joyce
My mother or her mother or etc, used to say, "Nothing beats a failure but a try." So you can never fail doing the thing(s) you love because it's not about the money or success. It's about going for it. It's about trying. Once you try – you have succeeded.
Happiness is being able to be content with a little or with a lot. In this materialistic world, we would do well to learn how to live this way.
This post immediately put to my mind when I was younger and my parents said that writers don't make money. We didn't have money, and I was mostly fine.
But they drilled me. Eventually, I would only write in my diaries and for my teachers, who loved them, because writers won't make money, just like my parents said. And the authors of the dozens of books I read were lottery winners.
I wanted to be a doctor after that, then realized I would be miserable. A couple of stays in a mental hospital finally put things in perspective. I'll do my best with what I love because everything else will not make me happy, and nothing is worth my happiness.
I love being an artist. I've been making my living in the arts in one form or another since I graduated art college 30 yrs ago. 11 yrs ago I chose to dive in and try to support my family as a fine artist full time. It's been a very bumpy ride. Until last year, we've lived well below the poverty line.
But I determined from the outset that art is not the most important thing, and that pursuing art alone will not ultimately make me happy. I decided life is about love/relationship. I know that if I look back over my life as an old man with a "successful" art career, it will mean little to me if I have trashed my marriage, and my children are warped because I put my art before my relationships.
So I think there is a paradox involved with the pursuit of happiness. I find if I pursue it directly, then I'm not happy. But as I've poured out my life for others, I've found I'm happy. My art is icing on the cake. I certainly do pursue my art, but not at the expense of my relationships. In this regard I do consider Gauguin, for example, a failure, and I think he might agree. I now feel my art comes from a place of fulfillment, rather than being my means to fulfillment.
I wonder how this resonates with you. 'Best wishes on your next release.
I believe timing & fate has a lot to do with living our life, from which we then go for it or not – making decisions based on our goals, wants, and needs. Happiness is all along the road of life, it's up to us to take it along on our ride.
Salmon swim upstream or die trying. We do too. Thanks for this.
Failure is a relative concept – in order to fail you must try and therefore you have succeeded! Odd but true. Brilliant post as always!
It takes a lot of guts and courage to truly follow your heart like this in life. The only alternative — denying and burying your dreams, passions and what they call in India your 'dharma', what you were born to do and feel most alive doing — is tantamount to a kind of death. I lived an inauthentic life for quite a while and it literally made me ill. In order to heal I had to get back to what I loved, what I felt I needed to do and write the words that were demanding to be written and that wouldn't leave me in peace until they were. It's so easy to sound pretentious when I talk about such things, but it's simply the truth.
While we all seek happiness and avoid pain, I think it is a mistake to think that happiness is something you can look for. It is not a goal; it is a byproduct. A byproduct of doing the things, that without necessarily any plan, surprise you with joy or contentment or happiness. It is a state of unplanned being. Writing doesn't make you happy; you are happy because you write.
Interesting read Mihail. I struggled for a long time to start writing and after I found one person who influenced me to stop procrastinating, that's where I found my turning point.
Now I write, still from inspiration that comes only when it comes.. But also now am writing more and more and letting more of my thoughts be on paper, even the little thoughts that just are enough to fit a sentence!
I have to say that it takes some balls to do what you're doing, keep it up mate!!
It is better to have nothing to loose, then you are free :) …Very inspiring your post, congrats and good luck. We all have to follow our dreams!!!
I agree that fighting for something you believe in is an inspirational way to live; but it should be tempered with good morality: a life that is full of grace, a life that is selfless and gives to others.
Here's to a life without regret… I'd like that!
What a beautiful post!
Your post came just as I was doubting myself and my choice to become what I have always wanted to become. It's not easy and at times I wonder why I have chosen this path when their are easier ones out there for me to take but then your post reminded me that it is because it makes me happy. And that is reason enough. Thank you. :)
This is very true. To be happy, also, you have to fully have faith in God so he may give you the things you need to get there on the way.
I'd say that I'm no longer afraid of failure. Sometimes in life you simply need to take a different pathway! (Which is what I did) I'm determined to get my work published one day, no matter how many years it takes!
Thank you for this posting. I put it on my facebook page so that others could read it. My FB site Jose A. Munoz. I have many people from all walks of life who are my friends on FB, and who knows who is friends with each of those people. I hope this reaches the right people… or the left people. Best of Luck and Take Care.
Jose
AWESOME! I love it and so true with anything and everything one does in life. Keep it up you will succeed at this! You got this!
Hello Cristian, Sorry I'm a bit tardy in replying. In order to be a successful writer one has to have something meaningful to say so your reading audience will want to read what you as an author has to communicate. I understand that to develop ones skills that you have to write and read a lot but do not discount the value of getting out there and having wonderful or even not so wonderful life experiences so that you have something to share with your audience.
marilyn
Hi, hope that you make the goal, happy to contribute :) Much success and many blessings to you.
Not to spoil the party, but a while ago I read somewhere the following lines:
"…we, the ones who do sacrifice everything for the sake of making art… are cowards, just because we don’t have the courage to be just like everyone else. To be happy in that simple way… it takes a lot of courage to walk away from that crazy promise of immortality, of greatness, and get a job and raise a family."
Could it be that the passion of an artist is nothing but a cowardice in disguise? Moreover, could it be that one's love of writing is nothing but a hidden hate (or perhaps – plain inability) of living? It makes you wonder, is it not? Have you considered psychoanalysis?
I find it hard to believe that you are a writer simply because of your love of writing or simply because writing makes you happy.
Art or artists are never easy to define. As much as there are certain patterns, each and everyone of us is unique. And I know I said that, but I don't believe in it 100% (well, I never believe wholeheartedly in anything) but I do feel that way sometimes. It might well be the other way around: you don't get to raise a family because you have to invest a lot of time and hard work into becoming an artist.
But there are still a lot of great artists who lived miserable lives. Really fucked up lives, if you don't mind me saying so.
Let's imagine this scenario: you have this wannabe writer, right? And he gradually loses everything. He has a ton of problems: romantic, financial, health, etc. He's all alone. He has lost all his friends. It's not his fault; all that has happened is not his doing. Life happened. Funny thing is that he keeps writing, feeling as if that's the only thing he can do. He doesn't write because he hopes writing will turn out to be some sort of magic solution to his many problems. At this stage, he doesn't expect anything from life. He doesn't even dare to dream that things will turn out for the better. He just wants to write.
I don't know why such a writer would write. I don't know if writing would even be able to make him truly happy or even make the pain bearable. The best I could do would be to say, "he just writes." Maybe it's because that's the only thing he has left, even though no one reads his stuff, no one cares. Like I said, he's inconsolably alone at this point in time.
I'd say it takes a lot of courage to do that, more than most people could ever muster.
Now, flash forward a few years. He's successful now. Give him a Nobel, a Pulitzer, anything you want. A million fans. Money, fame, all that. But for some reason he is still alone. I'm not sure if you'd agree with me that fame and money can never bring you true love. Sex, yes. Crazy fan sex perhaps, but never true love. He's unable to find true love, though he feels that's the one thing that's missing.
One question: how long would it take before our writer would be willing to give up everything he has for a wife, two kids, and a stupid desk job?
"Not to spoil the party" seems a lot along the lines of "no offense"… But that's neither here nor there.
The quote, and your questions, seem to imply that making art isn't making a living, or isn't living, or making art isn't a job (or that you can't raise a family if you make art- like, what?). If you or the quote means (though I'm sure they don't) that one's love of writing is nothing but a hidden hate of living another life, I'm sure that's partially true- but so is almost any job. You do a job because there are many that you wouldn't do, or you don't want to do something else.
And seeing as how most writers aren't 'great' or immortalized except in specific circles, and those who are immortalized continue to write along their favorite genres, I think most people write because they love writing what they write, and such writing makes them happy.
Also, as Mihai says, many writers, from the past and present, and most likely will be in the future, are working/had worked through a pre-possible-greatness phase. You would think that after five years or so of not being successful would turn them from writing.
Though it's hard for me to take you seriously, as your blog is one of the most pessimistic things I've ever seen, outside of realities shows covering people who believe in a nearing Doomsday of some sort… But you recommended Jerry Coyne…
Fantasies, dreams and imaginary scenarios are great. You seem to be an expert in these. Hats off. But how about the real and the practical side of life? Like how do you earn your daily living and pay your bills and at the same time maintain the honor of calling yourself a writer or even an artist?
There are certain external preconditions (the very basic necessities like food, shelter and clothing, health etc. Having rich parents or wide social circle of friends also helps) that may enable you to live like an artist – by which I mean – to assume the mantle of lordship over your own time and calendar.
If you live solely by your pen and letters, then you are indeed exceptionally lucky as you can organize your life around your whims and fancies (can you though? can you really? I remain doubtful whether this applies at all.) But something tells me that it is only the visible and public part of the equation. Even an artist has to earn his living by making compromises with his conscience and his ideals. He cannot "just write". He has to find a way how to fill up his belly to begin with. In order to live at all. I may be wrong, but I dare to say that no one in his full senses and his right mind will write a novel while he's starving to death. A writer never "just wants to write". If he does, he's not a writer. He's not even a human being, but a robot. Or, what might be worse, a psychopath who is totally dissociated from reality.
Excluding the Big Bang, life never "just happens". Everything is a cause-effect sequence triggered by something, someone, somewhere. Being prisoners of the present moment, we will never escape to a future of our own making. Thus, success, money and fame, sex you so hope and strive for may come only in the ironical appearance or disguise of failure, poverty, shame and bitterness of a wasted life at chasing shadows and whistling wind.
Ultimately, what we really want but are too ashamed to admit is to eat and to shit. That's it. Life is about figuring out how to get from the one state to the other. Feel free to disagree.
Actually, life's sole purpose is reproduction. From bacteria to humans, we're all here to make more of us. Now, we like to think we're a bit more than just that. And we strive to become more than just that.
I understand your concerns, I really do, but sadly I'm not a realist. I'm an idealist, and I've been so for as long as I can remember. A friend of mine once said that I don't have to eat 'cause I'm a spiritual creature… something like that. Basically, I've perfected the art of eating once a day. I don't have rich parents, I don't have sponsors, I don't have a day job. I support myself with the little that I make. But I never tell people to do that, to give everything up and follow in Gauguin's footsteps…
Life as an artist is tricky, because no one can guarantee success. It doesn't matter what you're willing to sacrifice. You can be brilliant and starve to death. You can give up everything and die a nobody. You can work hard and die a nobody.
The art world is like this: no matter how good you are there's always a sixteen year old who's better.
Right, reproduction it is. Though – as if it was some sick joke played on us by the cosmic grandfather- our reproductive organs also happen to be used for our toiletry pleasures.
I am glad that an idealist has eyes to see this, though not the will to follow the dictates of nature.
Anyway, I can't stand those 16-year-olds, who pretend to be as wise as Socrates and who write as if the Holy Spirit himself has descended upon them.
I am a great admirer of writing and I love the world of belles lettres. Reading and writing to me are the few great aristocratic luxuries of life. Often I start and get through the day by daydreaming: If only I had the time to feast on my precious little book collection and perhaps write something awe-inspiring. We all have these crazy dreams. But Christian (and other blogger-cats) seems to live, to embody and to preach these dreams. At least that's the image he paints.
And reading his prose, I often wonder : "Come on, is this guy for real? Where is the skeleton in his closet? There should be another fetish. Another explanation. It just doesn't seem plausible. It cannot be true."
As the grim reality sinks in and reminds me of my real life struggles and duties, which – the nonexistent God knows fully well – I want to but cannot escape, then and there I also realize that I am an idiot (perhaps I received a bad education or was conditioned in a wrong way- but to hell with it – its all too late for tears), that I know too little and that I should better do something useful in this life like earning money (so the good, honest and hard-working people say), which would provide some safety net and reserve for the dark future (read:old age and sickness) ahead. As of yet I am not fully convinced that the good people actually know what they are doing or know what they are saying, hence I still have my foot in the door to a dreamy world of literary wizardry and other woo-woo of easy and pleasant life.
I am not sure what is better, to be a fool and to persist in one's folly or to be wise and to leave the childish things behind… But "If the fool would persist in his folly he would become wise." (William Blake). And if a wise man would put away the childish things, he would become a fool.
Well, you seem to persist in this thought that writing is as simple as eating cake, and equals a life of pure luxury. I don't agree.
I don't know why you think in this fashion for evidence shows otherwise.
Writing surely has its complexities. No doubt about it. I view any literary text (and the author, who has produced it) more as an escape from the responsibilities of ordinary life. This is also the reason why I like reading so much. I strive to escape as well. But I am no writer. Perhaps writing truly is a rather difficult pastime, although it seems a piece of cake judging by the evidence of countless blogger-cats around WordPress community. Not sure whether this counts as evidence, though.
"No one has ever written, painted, sculpted, modeled, built, or invented except literally to get out of hell." – Antonin Artaud
Blogger-cats? lol To me, blogging is like playing video games, something I have an urge to do, and that feels good- though the bits of attention I get from blogging doesn't come as often as in video games. Though I would love to get rich and famous off my writing (HA!), I feel that is almost as likely as me getting famous playing video games.
In fact, maybe less likely. You have any idea how easy it is sometimes to be a female gamer and get money? Or, "you're a girl?" FRIEND REQUEST APPEARS!
You don't think you're a writer?
'when you figure out what’s the one thing you want most in this world, you’ll have to take risks. And in that moment, you’ll be brave enough and smart enough to realize what is that you risk to lose, what is it that you have to gain.'
Absolutely!
I'd want to make a series of qualifications to the idea that all people want in life (I assume that was the meaning – a word seems to be missing) is to be happy. First, for many people, happiness is a luxury. Survival comes first. Second, happiness is impossible to define and can only be measured by asking people how happy they feel (when they often lie to themselves) or by monitoring brain activity (which is a blunt instrument and open to all sorts of questions of interpretation.
I'm not sure that a scientist's search for the physical truth, a spiritual traveller's search for enlightenment or an artist's search for his or her truth necessarily involves happiness. There will be moments of happiness, yes, and a feeling of fulfilment, but also fear,discomfort and loneliness.