Most people like to believe talent, hard work, and luck are among the determining factors of success. For a long time I thought you only need two of them.
But, actually, if you want to be successful, and it doesn’t matter if all you want is to become a great dancer or actor or writer, or whether you want to pick up pretty girls in bars, you just have to be willing to make a fool out of yourself.
Let me tell you why. Making a fool out of yourself is even worse than failing, because our freedom is ultimately limited by what others think about us. For some, seeing their own failure reflected in the eyes of those around them is worse than the death penalty.
Because we’re social creatures disgrace feels like the most terrible of punishments. No man is an island. For whatever reason, we want to belong, we want to find others just like us, and thus we are afraid of being rejected. Furthermore, we are afraid of what consequences our actions might bring.
Some try to play it safe. Their heads bowed, they try to survive for as long as possible. For them, life’s just the battle of staying alive until they die, and every day they wake up and look themselves in the mirror, that’s a day they’ve already given up on.
In order to succeed you have to be willing to fail, and I could leave it at that, go back to writing my novel, and you’d feel like you know something. Instead, I’m going to tell you what “being willing to fail” actually means: it’s one of the scariest things you’ll ever do in this life.
You know that really famous quote from Hemingway’s The Old Man and The Sea?
A man can be destroyed but not defeated.
I’ve always thought it to be exactly the opposite. A man can (and will) be defeated. Countless times, actually. Painfully, mercilessly so at times. But he can never be destroyed.
Life’s all about failing, over and over again, and rising up every time we fail. And it’s all right to be afraid. Fear is a natural response, but not understanding fear is not.
Dreams don’t come true, you have to make them come true, you have to start things, you have to finish them, you have to search and try and work really hard at it. No matter how afraid you are, no matter how easy it seems to just give up, you have to keep going.
And I’m not talking just about writing or art. No, this is about life, about love, about being the person you want to be.
We live in a strange world. You’ve got billions of people, and they’re all different, and they all want what they want, and they’re all fighting to get it. All these dreams, all living at once on the same planet.
At times it might seem like a good idea to wait. Just put your dreams on hold.
I’ve met so many people who know what’s that one thing they want most, and they do something else regardless. Apparently, they want to wait for the right time… some of them want to earn enough money by doing something else, then spend the rest of their lives doing that which they’re passionate about.
But it rarely works that way.
There is only one battle worth fighting: spend every second of your life searching for the spark that makes you feel alive. There’s no other fight quite like it. You fail, and it doesn’t matter. The entire world thinks you’re pathologically unstable, and it doesn’t matter. You receive 200 rejection letters from agents, you keep on writing. Reach for the stars and don’t whine when you fall on your ass.
Success comes to those who fight wars they believe in. With a million strangers at their side or all on their own, there’s nothing quite like going through life with your head held high.
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This crazy Romanian kid is running out of time to raise the money he needs to publish his novel. So, basically, he needs your help. Any contribution counts.
You can contribute here.
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Thank you for such strong encouragement! I really needed to read something of this sort of message :)
Appreciated!
"Dreams don’t come true, you have to make them come true, you have to start things, you have to finish them, you have to search and try and work really hard at it" – this is so true, Cristian, and is exactly what I wrote about doing personally in my book, Solitary Desire. Thanks for another great post!
I donated some money today because I know exactly how you feel. Good for you that you've already put yourself out there. I hope when the time comes to redeem my reward that you do me a huge favor! Thanks, and keep on chasing those dreams :)
You are awesome, and you've put your finger on something so real and true with this, "willingness to make a fool out of yourself." That's so good, so hard and so necessary. I've found that baby steps toward actual willingness to look like a fool is cultivating a willingness to play. Be playful and big grown-up/made-up consequences just might move aside. Great post.
I loved your modified words :
" A man can (and will) be defeated….. But he can never be destroyed. "
its natural , you would fail at many things , we are not genius people who can do each and everything beautifully ….
But if we don't try we would never know which things might pick our interests & change our lives …
its like if you havn't failed , you hav never tried anything new….
;)
I love this post! Just the motivation I needed today, when I am surrounded by "realists" that constantly suggest practical solutions to my "problems." Thanks for this post!
You're basically amazing :)
You almost convinced me here, Christian. Almost. Perhaps dreams are not meant to be fulfilled.
Failure is not an option… unless you're human. And then, it's not just an option, but a requirement for success. Great post!
Great post. Love this especially:
"Dreams don’t come true, you have to make them come true, you have to start things, you have to finish them, you have to search and try and work really hard at it. No matter how afraid you are, no matter how easy it seems to just give up, you have to keep going."
It can also be said that people need to break out of their safe zones. Routines can easily become a safe haven and breaking out of the normal is often the first and most difficult step.
*And a side note-if I had any money I'd help out your cause. Unfortunately I'm a poor writer too.
Wow… I stumbled upon your blog after you liked one of mine. Glad I came here. I really neeaded to hear (read) a lot of what you said (wrote). Thank you.
Excellent advice. Making an idiot of myself is the scariest part of doing anything! Falling in love, starting a business, joining a sports team…. The list is endless. :)
Be willing to fail, but do your very damndest not to.
Here I go!
See you around :)
I so agree with you. Better to be a failure of a writer than having a normal job and contribute to the rest of society.
I so agree with you. Better to be a fool of a writer than having a decent job and contribute to the society. Hooray for failures! :-)
Thank you for this post. I think it's wise and speaks the truth for all of us. Somehow you managed to avoid sounding preachy and Oprah-esque. I needed this kick in the butt to remind me that I write because I like to write. I need to worry less about what I write and just trust that I like it. Not always so easy, but a most excellent plan. Thank you.
Today I send you a warm hand shake from our neighbour Balkan countries. In our times 'certainty' is a coin going gradually out of circulation. Very good post!
I love this :) Very inspirational, and I agree we can never give up trying to be ourselves. “To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best day and night to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and never stop fighting.” ~ e.e cummings
I want to thank you for your kind encouragement for my new blog. Today, I posted my fifth entry and my appreciation for the first group of bloggers to "like" it. Please read the paragraph I wrote about you on SooSooSees.com!
There's this book written by Miguel Ruiz about Toltec Wisom called the Four Agreements. "2. Don't take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions & actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering." Have u looked into kickstarter to raise money? I enjoy your posts. I am a broken alpha, but my journey is ongoing. Rebuilding the self is an ongoing process. But I will not give up, despite pain, panic, missteps and wrong directions. Best wishes xx
Such an inspiring quotes,"I’ve always thought it to be exactly the opposite. A man can (and will) be defeated. Countless times, actually. Painfully, mercilessly so at times. But he can never be destroyed."
Wow. Love this post, very inspiring!!
I think most people don't really know what they want to do so failing hurts a lot. But when you're set on a dream that you know is internally a part of you, then failing isn't really failing. It's just something else to reflect and for you to know what not to do the next time around.
Feel the fear… and do it anyway! Great inspirational piece. Thanks for stopping by my blog, glad you liked one of my galleries. Looking forward to reading lots more from you!
So glad that I came upon this blog today. You have a brilliant and inspirational writing style, and I agree completely that sometimes it's not bad to make a fool of yourself if it helps you get where you want to be. :)
Reblogged this on The King's Word.
Salut! Esti primul roman peste care dau pe wordpress si imi place ce citesc pe blogul tau! Succes in continuare fellow romanian blogger!
"spend every second of your life searching for the spark that makes you feel alive" I agree ! Don't wait for the right time…it may never come. Today is a great day to start :)
Good luck with your book…this is really inspiring. I'm determined once again to keep trying. To keep fighting
Well said, and so very true. Thanks for the reminder to keep pursuing what matters. (and thanks for reading my blog). Peace be the journey!
I really needed that! Thank you so much!! :)
Follow my blog, please guys!! :)
If we don't fail we would never learn how to walk. If you watch a baby trying to learn things they are full of failure. Life is. It is those that take it with grace, a smile, and determination that succeed in making anything out of themselves.
you are so inspiring <3
I've nominated you for the 'Liebster Award' xx
http://ladiesofleisurelondon.wordpress.com/2013/0…
Love this <3
Love this <3 thank you
Excellent post! Really enjoyed it!
Hello Cristian, I've nominated you for the hugs award. please visit http://joseyphina.wordpress.com/2013/03/07/the-hu… for the llink to the award image. God bless you.
Great points! My philosophy book is not doing very well, even at my web site for it… (outside of friends having purchased copies). However, I'm not much of a salesman… just a quiet author. If people don't give the book a chance — or are frightened by what it, in essence, is about — it involves failure on their part… not mine.
That's probably the tricky thing about art: you never know if it's going to sell or not, if it's ever going to become popular, or even influential.
I never set myself targets when it comes to sales: I want to sell this or that many books. Instead, I just set myself a different goal: to let as many people know about my books.
Well, even people like E.E.Cummings and Walt Whitman had a lot of difficulty with sales and self publishing and such; it wasn't easy even for some of the best!
That is true. And even those writers who tried the traditional route got rejected countless times before finding a deal.
This is really inspiring. I just want to say that this would only apply to extremely determined people. If you're a quitter, try to think again about your decision. Right now, when you're inspired, it's very easy to tell yourself- "Oh my gosh, this is so great. I can do this too. I can be great. I'll drop everything and follow my heart." But it needs more than dreams and hopes. Make sure that you can survive multiple failures, and even consecutive multiple failures. Because if you can't or if you're not sure, you just might be throwing your only chance of having a comfortable life. Was I too negative? I'm sorry, it's just my view on things. There are things you think you can do, but due to countless external (and sometimes internal) factors, things just don't happen the way you imagined them to be.
Good post. Fear of failure is too often greater than a desire to follow ones dreams or passions. That is a true human tragedy when it happens.
“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” – Albert Einstein
Great post! This is just what I needed right now. Sometimes it's difficult to keep going with full motivation. I think the fear of failure is something that keeps a lot of us from moving forward. I guess from time to time everyone of us needs a reminder that we have to fight that fear. It's probably best if it is someone else telling you, because just like you wrote, we search for people that are similar to us and maybe even have the same problems or struggle with the same fears. That may give us the feeling of not being alone with our problems…
I'm interested in your perspective on talent. I'm also curious about you reaction to this http://vimeo.com/m/24715531 a quotation by Ira Glass on storytelling
I enjoyed this post! So I am wondering now, "Am I willing to make a fool out of myself? "Have I done so yet?" The answer is Yes, I am willing to and no, I haven't gone all the way yet. So, it is time for me to reposition myself and move to the next level. I am so glad that you visited and liked my page. Thank you, for I might have missed your awesome post. :). Thanks again!
As a high schooler, the intensity of other's opinions is a daily influence… but I try every day not to care about what other's think, because I don't want to live my life for anyone else. I've adopted a quote that my art teacher has painted on the wall from Winston Churchill that kind of sums it all up: "Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm."
O no! Your writings make me reach a spiritual, emotional and intellectual orgasm. Cristian, you take me there…
Awesome post – thank you for writing it, it is exactally what I needed to read. :-) the other day my husband asked me why i wasn't moving forward on a project to sell and I had to admit to him it was fear of it not selling and failing. now here's your amazing post, it is a great kick in the pants. thank you! :-)
Somehow your comment went straight to my spam folder.
Anyway, I don't believe in talent, as some sort of innate ability to do whatever. I don't consider myself talented, and I don't really like it when people call me that. I wrote anywhere between half a million and a million words to actually get people to understand most of what I'm trying to say. I read more than a thousand books. And, well, I did spend 3-4 years as a tortured artist, broke, sick, and alone.
People like to believe in "talent" as something you didn't acquire, mostly because it's easy. It makes life bearable for those who aren't really that special. It's like winning the lottery… anyone can win, and it's not a matter of deserving the money, it's just luck. Something that just happens.
About the video: it's really great, and as far as I'm concerned, true. But I'm not sure that you ever get rid of the feeling that your works fall short of achieving what you had in mind. It's just the way we feel about our own works… but yes, we do reach a point when we can tell whether or not something we made is just good or great.