“To love” is an acquired skill

romanceFalling in love is easy. Too easy sometimes. We fall in love with someone who’s a little bit different than all the others we have met before, we fall in love when someone tells us something new about ourselves. we fall in love with the way someone acts or talks, we fall in love with people who have traits that are similar or exactly the opposite of ours.

There are just about a million different reasons why we fall in love.

But to love… that’s different.

Because we love someone in spite of their flaws. We love someone because they treat us exactly how we’ve always wished to be treated. We love someone because they’re exactly what we need.

And, yes, you need to learn to love. You need to learn how to act just right, how to do what needs to be done. Actions, not words. Sacrifice, compromise. Good days and bad days. Arguments. The constant temptation of finding someone new.

How do you learn to genuinely love another?

Getting your heart broken is a good way to start. To love someone and to see it in their eyes that they love another… to fall in love with the wrong people at the wrong time, to give the best of you to those who never really appreciated it. Tears. Loneliness. Anger.

You learn to love. You learn to love someone just for loving you back. Just for treating you right.

Because… you need to meet a lot of wrong ones before you can truly appreciate when the right one comes into your life… and hold tight like a motherfucker.

In the end, we’re all capable of loving another human being. What matters most is the way we show that love, the way it makes us feel. The things that we do for love.

I’ve fallen in and out of love for quite a few times by now. I’ve gotten my heartbroken a few times. I’ve felt unrequited love, that bitter-sweet excitement that runs up and down your veins when you fall in love with the wrong person. But you just can’t help yourself. I’ve hurt people. I did wrong. I acted foolishly and recklessly. I made mistakes. Lots and lots of them.

We never stop learning how to love. As long as we’re willing to learn from our mistakes, as long as we try our very best to make that special someone in our lives feel truly special…

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61 comments on ““To love” is an acquired skill

  1. I love your blog! Everytime I read one of your posts all I’m thinking is; ‘I know what he is talking about!’

  2. I love this blog, I really do. It’s very inspirational.
    Thank you for posting this.

  3. Mary says:

    True…. It is through Heartbreaks we find ourselves reevaluate what love means to us…. We learn what we want and not in our relationship…. Nice post:)

  4. Great thoughts, Cristian! I love the perspective and I agree with you. Love is a choice and a commitment in addition to all the other stuff. Well said!

  5. I totally agree! Thank you for the awesome blog!

  6. Thank you for this. Some people think love is a feeling only. Not just the whole package.

  7. City Girl at the Edge says:

    How right you are. There are two sides to every love story, no matter how it begins or ends, or is in the middle.

  8. susipet says:

    Where would we be without all the loves….

  9. quirkybooks says:

    I have never found the right one, that is why I prefer to be single. What do you think of soul mates? Do you believe in them or not?

  10. rumadak says:

    Awesome piece of writing!! Not everyone knows how to love !!

  11. belyew says:

    it’s easier to fall in lust than in love. keeping in love is much harder.

  12. Iam Danger says:

    Implicit in your post is a truth many miss: you don’t fall in love like you fall into a volcano, you have to do it, its a choice and you hang on like a fuddermucker

  13. Awesome insight, Christian! The ins and outs of love from a man’s point of view is quite refreshing (and not unlike a woman’s)! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

  14. thurminator says:

    I completely agree. The third, fifth, ninth, fiftieth, or billionth time can sometimes be the charm.

  15. I have a different outlook on what your saying. I think that to love someone is easy but to be actually IN LOVE with someone is what everyone is searching for. You can love a million different people in a million different ways but it takes someone special to turn that love into something more meaningful, something worth risking it all, something that sets everyone else apart. Maybe I’m wrong , maybe it’s just me but I feel like being in love with someone means more than just loving someone.

    • nordyblogger says:

      I share the same sentiments, it’s easy to love.

    • I share your thought on being in love meaning more than just loving, I also believe that loving someone is an integral part of being in love.

      • makergoddess says:

        Great post! It certainly gave me good for thought.

        Is it possible to love someone without liking them? I think that is what makes being in love so different from loving. When you are in love with someone, you want to spend every minute of every day with them. You want to do things with them. You miss them terribly when you are apart (other than just during working hours) and are so excited to see them when you reunite.

        I think you can love someone and care deeply for them even take care of them through good times and bad without liking them, without missing them like a part of your physical being, without lighting up like fire cracker inside when you reunite. This happens far too often in very long relationships.

        There is a huge difference between falling in love and falling in lust to be sure and you must be able to tell the difference. However, to be able to stay in love with one person for many years or even a life time is the greatest joy and the hardest thing to do, in my opinion.

  16. realmakino330 says:

    true <3

  17. Odee says:

    Cristian, as always, a very beautiful insight. Indeed, truly worth sharing. :)

  18. totally agree!!!thumps-up for a great blog!!

  19. This is a really good post :-)

  20. I’ve had a lot of things on my mind lately concerning love and all the mad, intricate, impossible things it’s made of… then I jumped on the computer… and this post was the first thing I saw. It was exactly what I needed to read. Thank you. :)

    - Alice

  21. callitsonja says:

    You can better be hurt a few times while trying. If you don’t you will never feel love. That last option would be worse. :)

  22. JohnnnyBravo says:

    Best post so far :)))

  23. ashokbhatia says:

    Good post. I wonder if it is possible for a perfectionist to ever fall in love!

  24. Awesome, insightful, great thoughts. Thanks for sharing.

  25. ujuh says:

    To love and not fall in love. Makes a lot of sense.

  26. Love is pure gold when we do the right thing even on the days when we are not the perfect match made in heaven; the times when we are not each other’s soul mates.

    For example, she washes up late at night just because she knows his pet hate is to find dirty crockery in the sink in the morning; and he brings her a cup of tea for her still in bed to ease her into wakefulness as he knows she is not a morning person.

    “The glances over cocktails
    that seemed so sweet;
    Are not quite as amorous
    Over shredded wheat”
    (Anon)

    Happy Loving!
    Julia

  27. ziggy317 says:

    You wonderfully described what C.S. Lewis would call the “deep magic” of love. The longing for someone to choose to love us despite our weaknesses and failings runs deep. If you want to read a beautiful description of what such love looks like, take a look here:
    heisourstrongtower.files.wordpress.com/2013/10/1-corinthians-13-4-7.jpg
    Thanks for sharing!

  28. ichbinheidi says:

    Oh this is sooooo good!

  29. Raffy Villa says:

    Lovely! Falling in love and Loving are indeed two different things :)

  30. Euphorye says:

    Hehe, the ‘hold tight like a motherfucker’ part made me burst out in laughter. Thanks for the words Christian, silly.

  31. I can honestly relate to this. Lovely !

  32. enrico72 says:

    Amazing and so very tru!

  33. We all make mistakes. Its better to make mistakes in love to find your true self and a true person to cling on to. At the end of the day experience in love what makes it count..

  34. MayZ says:

    This is such a relatable post! Great job! Love is such a phenomenon!!!!

  35. kunpie says:

    I’m going to think of this post as blog fate.
    Just this morning I accepted the awful truth, that I fawn over someone that doesn’t feel the same.
    I accept this truth, but it hurts.
    Finding this post today, made the accepting a bit easier. Sometimes it’s easy to forget.

  36. indigenista says:

    So true!! Thanks for sharing this loved it!

  37. This was an awesome read, with a very clear purpose. You expressed simple truths pertaining to our humanity in a very elegant manner. Thank you for sharing! :)

  38. locksley2010 says:

    There’s “… holding tight like a motherfucker.” And there’s being smothering, clingy and over vigilant. Fact is, love is work and compromise. When you do find that special someone and stick with them the worst thing you can do is become complacent. That and if either of you are unhappy with something, don’t ever be afraid of bringing it up, otherwise it becomes a bitterness that grows until it’s too late. A shame I learned these lessons as me and my wife split this year. I am not bitter about love however, love brings hope.

  39. This is a really beautiful post :)

  40. thebettrhalf says:

    Yes! You are amazing.

  41. zainabattari says:

    So glad to know someone thinks the same way about being in love and falling in and out of it! :)
    You write so well!! [Mashaallah]

  42. Gaurab says:

    The whole post can be quoted. Well written :) :D

  43. Daisy says:

    BEAUTIFUL post :)

  44. jeanw5 says:

    I very much hesitate to disagree with you and so many others, but, surely it is expressing our love that we need to develop skills with and not love itself.
    Love itself is a human attribute; we each have potential and we each are more or less brave at taking risks of offending rather than pleasing the object of our affection.
    Jean

  45. nangjo says:

    i like the way you trying to describe love and how should it be experienced to understand it! however, as from my life’s experience, there seems to be two different types of love. One is driven sexual desires with a little bit of curiosity and a little bit of love, I guess. The second one is that we love someone not because we wanna have sex with them or wanna know about love, but it is all because we want to share something with someone. But to be able to share, we must trust them first. Trusting or (loyalty) is becoming so important in the second type of love. In another word, love needs loyalty. I think that most of us tend to believe that we have one basic type of love but with million reasons. It is possible that love might be triggered from lots of reasons but only two fundamental patterns are found whether it is in a western culture or an eastern culture. We all just have to go through both episodes of love. (just my perspective, sorry if it seems shallow to you)

  46. Love your post. It took me quite a few loves to find the love of my life. I have been with him for over 20 years, he was and is my best friend. We accept each other and we LAUGH ALOT; even when we argue. We never go to bed mad at each other and we tell each other how much we love and appreciate each other. We probably do this more than most people like to see or heat, oh well… It works for us.

    Looking forward to reading more of your blog.

  47. Lovely words. Very honest. Glad I found your blog!

  48. Genuinely beautiful, hard-hitting, honest stuff. Look forward to trawling through your blog obsessively for the next four hours of my day and stumbling across more gems Beautiful

  49. Love. Without any condition, any hope, any expectation. Where right or wrong. Just love.
    beutiful text, Cristian, thank you !

  50. Judit says:

    Good for your special someone that you view love this way. And good for those who read this and perhaps reconsider things a little.

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