We all want to change the world

worldIt’s my honest opinion that we all want to leave our mark on this world. Some of us may not recognize this urge, but we all want to change something, to alter things, to create something that will last longer than us. Even if it is a scar. Yes, there are plenty out there who just want to inflict pain, because that’s the only thing they can do. Or the only thing they think they can do.

You know that saying, “In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king?” Well, in this world, we’re all blind. We want what we want and we fight as fiercely as we can to get it, in the process hurting those around us. People we love, people we care about. Sometimes we feel that life isn’t fair. Guess what. It never is.

You have to realize that there are forces that you can’t control, objects that collide, outcomes you can’t predict. And this might seem overwhelming, and the instinct is to give up. Give up on your dreams, on your expectations, on your crazy, crazy plans.

Yes, you can take small steps, always making sure you’re not stepping on something, always trying to avoid everything that gets in the way. But what happens when you’re afraid to take even a single step? When you freeze, when the sun rising marks a new day you’ve already given up on? Then you have to take a leap. You have to jump, hoping there’s someone to catch you. If there’s no one, then you’re going to fall.

When I self-published my first book, it didn’t sell. I gave up on writing for a few months. I said to myself that I’m not good enough. I didn’t know what to do. Honestly, I didn’t. I thought blogging was too difficult, and I didn’t have money to pay for ads. Lastly, I wasn’t sure my writing was good enough. I knew I had something to say, I’ve always known that, but I wasn’t sure if I had the tools that were required.

So I gave up. And I didn’t pursue another career. I just stopped. I spent those few months dreaming about a day when I’ll become the writer that I’ve always wanted to be. I didn’t write. I barely read. I watched soccer on TV and funny videos on Youtube.

And then I began writing again. All of a sudden. I woke up one night, a good idea scratching its way out of my skull, and wrote. Just like that.

The more I wrote, the better writer I became.

But everything changed when I discovered Wattpad. I found a bunch of people who enjoyed my writing. Fans. And I felt like the best writer on this side of the planet. Every time I wrote, I tried to write at the best of my capability, simply because I knew I had an audience. I knew people were reading.

To an artist, an audience is extremely important.

And then I decided to self-publish again. I chose one of my short stories, Remember. I edited, I made a cover, I did the interior formatting. I made a blog. This blog. I thought, this time it’s going to work. Even if the entire world tries to stop me, this time it’s going to work.

I decided to be relentless. No matter what, I would wake up in the morning, stare out the window for a few minutes, and then write. Even if all I got were one star reviews, I would write. Even if no one read my blog posts, I would write.

My first month, I sold 3 copies of Remember. I earned $1.05. And I kept on writing, just like I promised.

I’m not going to lie. At times I would feel angry and resentful, because there were all these writers earning thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of dollars each month, and here I was, working my ass off for less than the price of a bus ticket.

But I didn’t give up. And I’m not going to, no matter what.

Changing the world. Big words. And they seem so far away, a vague concept we can’t grasp simply because we forget that we all change the world. For better or worse, forever or just for a few years, we all leave something behind.

That’s the thing with dreams. They come in all shapes and sizes, but they’re all equally important. We often choose to discard our dreams because we’re fearful to travel on uncharted roads just because others say it’s impossible.

I thought about giving up so many times. But then something would happen: someone would either comment on this blog or send me and e-mail telling me how they were so close to giving up, but my words changed their mind.

My words.

I gave them that something they needed to keep going. To pursue their dream, against all odds.

And I’d think, “It wouldn’t be fair to give up now.”

I spent a couple of years in a dark place. You know, when you really don’t have enough: food, sleep, money. When you simply survive, because you simply can’ t wait for the day to end. There’s not much in it; the struggle is the only thing left.

But I’d write, and, I’m honest, I’d tell myself, “One more story. Just one more story, and that’s it.”

I never dared think about what “that’s it” actually meant, what giving up would imply. I knew what it meant, I just didn’t want to imagine the words inside my head.

I’d finish the story, and then I’d start another one. Like avid smokers do when they don’t really want to quit: one last cigarette after another.

That was me. One more time, one more try.

***

Eight days left. $260 for the campaign to reach its goal.

If you’d like me to keep on writing, if you’d like to help me keep this blog alive,  you can help me out here. Any contribution matters. A lot.

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24 comments on “We all want to change the world

  1. saramikula says:

    I was so in my own head today about all of this and I couldn’t write a thing. Fear is the only thing that holds us back. Thanks for inspiring me and lifting my spirits, it’s refreshing to see someone so passionate about their passions.

  2. Please keep on writing, i’m short on money myself but if i can’t financially help i hope you at least read my comment: you’re an amazing writer, i love every single one of your posts ! I hope you reach your goal, i really do. Best vibes, xx

  3. poetsamongus says:

    Reading your post made think how it resonates what I have posted some weeks ago:

    What makes people immortal are the things that they do while they’re still here, alive and privileged enough to be given the opportunity to inspire others by their works and their deeds. What have you done so far, that you think can make you immortal? Does it matter for you at all to be remembered and emulated? What defines your existence if there is nothing in your life right now that holds enough meaning to be remembered and treasured by others? If what other people think about you doesn’t matter to you at all, then that is not just arrogance, but indifference and utter disrespect for life and to the one who blessed you with it. You are not here by some freak accident. You are here for a reason, a purpose that is not for your sole benefit but for others, too. You are not here so you will live and do as you please and then die and vanish to forever. You are here because there is something that you have to do to fulfill your mission. What have you done so far?

    • Mariama Kanu says:

      Every time it seems one is simply looking..for what I cannot completely say..but in this instance, we find comments like this, that give us the very confirmation of the thoughts riddling our own brains. I’m blessed to have found this lone comment. You’ve mirrored my own thoughts. Thanks so much.

  4. leahmoonesan says:

    All of your posts are so inspirational. :)

  5. Caitlin says:

    I really liked this post, Christian. Very raw. Thanks for your words of encouragement. I needed them tonight :)

  6. Bookgirl says:

    I think writing has to be one of the hardest professions to make a living from. The allure of quitting is always there with me, but what else would I do. I’m no good at twiddling my thumbs. :)

  7. Very touching. I hope you get what you are looking for…

  8. ColinW says:

    This is really moving, giving up has always been an option for me. I was thrown into my passion, and it’s been difficult swimming upstream. Best of luck to you on your campaign!

  9. ashleyswarosky says:

    Whoa… you’re story is very good, I read it. I’m also a writer and I can completely understand your problem which you had in your beginning days, writing is kinda tricky thing because if today you have a flood of thoughts and ideas next day they will all flushed out . The very good thing you did is you gave some time to yourself because when we start to do something new it bothers us and it takes time to deal with.

    You are writing in a good way, keep it going on

  10. This put a smile on my face. :)

  11. shalinich36 says:

    Hi……am much inspired by what I just read……and can relate…..I know I have a lot to tell…..and I have words. I am new to blogging…..and have realised there are so many people out there……and this urge that something needs to be changed…….sometimes the words just flow….

  12. Very inspiring and important post! I know what that’s like – sleeping on friends’ floors and eating ramen daily. It’s rough, but I know that not chasing my literary dreams would be a lot worse. The discipline it takes to truly chase them (writing all the time) is the only way that they can come true.

  13. Don’t give up – these are the words I heard in my spirit as I was reading your article…Like you said, I was/am feeling alone/lonely as I haven’t met anyone who has crazy dreams like I do. But, I guess we are all unique.

  14. Inspiring! Thanks for sharing.. something that would last longer than us.. best wishes.

  15. Anna says:

    Very inspiring and encouraging. It’s very true that you have to keep writing and not give up if you want to success. I know it gets very hard, but if you don’t keep trying, you’ll never succeed. Keep it up! I’m sure you’ll reach your campaign goal.

  16. texydeb says:

    Don’t give up, you got that right.

  17. Wow these paragraphs spoke in volumes to me…

    ‘I decided to be relentless. No matter what, I would wake up in the morning, stare out the window for a few minutes, and then write. Even if all I got were one star reviews, I would write. Even if no one read my blog posts, I would write.

    My first month, I sold 3 copies of Remember. I earned $1.05. And I kept on writing, just like I promised.

    I’m not going to lie. At times I would feel angry and resentful, because there were all these writers earning thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of dollars each month, and here I was, working my ass off for less than the price of a bus ticket.

    But I didn’t give up. And I’m not going to, no matter what.’

    Because this is EXACTLY how I feel as an Artist, just like you, even if no one blinks an eyelid at my work, I still carry on regardless. I also write too (Or used to) But I have had writers block for just on 16 months now :( … I’m hoping it will come back to me and one day I can combine the two! But until then I am thoroughly enjoying my doodling…. Great post you have written here! You’re truly talented, never give up on your dream!! Good luck!! :)

  18. Please don’t give up writing, I know I have it up years ago and it has been slow going back to it. You have inspired me with your post, your creativity and words are beautifully written. I wish I could donate I would hopefully my comment can “help” you in a way to keep writing. Looking forward to more post…

  19. DuaneD says:

    Today was the day I needed to read this blog. Thanks!

  20. I’m blessed to read words from an artist who seems to have made it to where he is today from self-publishing, just when I thought it was not going to work. Thank you :’)

  21. Cristian, this is a really wonderful and encouraging article. Well done on sharing your experience in wuch depth. I’m sure many will be encouraged reading this. The message comes across so clearly … NEVER give up! God bless you :) Christine

  22. Cristian, this is a really wonderful and encouraging article. Well done on sharing your experience in such depth. I’m sure many will be encouraged reading this. The message comes across so clearly … NEVER give up! God bless you :) Christine

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