To whom it may concern

letterI’m twenty three years old, and in that short time frame I’ve learned that life is rarely fair. But it goes on. Whether we like it or not, life goes on.

Maybe we live in a dangerous world. Maybe this world has always been “unsafe” for those who weren’t sure what to do.

And I’d like to tell you there’s nothing to be afraid of, I’d like to tell you that failures build a man, that every fall is also a step forward. That what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger…

But the truth is that, most times, what doesn’t kill you makes you wish it did.

Without a specific reason, I’ve always been most afraid that I would die alone. And everything I ever did in this life was because of this bizarre feeling. For example, when I was a kid I wanted to be able to talk to anyone about anything. So I began to read a lot of books, to watch a lot of TV shows and sports and stuff like that…

Of course, I didn’t get out of the house too much. Until high-school I didn’t really have friends. That’s why I started writing in the first place, I guess.

I was alone.

Then again, it wasn’t the best option. Writing because you’re alone is like taking painkillers to heal a wound. Yeah, it stops the pain, but only for a few moments.

Then came high-school, which is a different kind of war. It’s a four year period which forms much of your personality. I’ve made a lot of friends. And I’m being somewhat modest when I say a lot.

But I had to give up writing. I had to keep that side of me a secret.

And then everything changed.

Looking back, I honestly can’t realize how it all happened. The free-fall. In less than a year I had nothing. No friends, no money, no future.

Do you know how it feels when all you want is to simply live another day? When you dream and dream and dream, but you feel you haven’t got the strength to anything other but dream? When you spend year after year all alone…

When hope dies.

During those years I learned pretty much everything I know about life. By myself, without anyone to tell me. I learned that my tragedy is all mine. Pain can’t be compared or truly understood; there’s no such thing as genuine compassion. We sift everything through the filter of our own perception.

I had become a puny man in a world that was too big.

Like they say, I had reached the bottom of the shaft, and all I could do was ask, “Why? Why?”

And the only answer I ever found was, “Why not?”

At the same time I realized that if I don’t change something, no one was going to help me. Like I wrote previously, I’ve spent all my life fighting against the monster of solitude, and all of a sudden I had realized that we are utterly and inconsolably alone.

I was free to do whatever I wanted. And that’s what I did.

Every once in a while someone asks me for writing advice. “How do I write a good story? What makes good writing good?”

There is only one answer.

Find the thing you’re afraid of the most, rummage through your brain until it hurts, and write about it.

Because in all those years that’s what I did. I wrote about what I had and lost, about what I never had, and about all that I was certain I’d never have.

And I wrote until all my wounds healed. Now I’m working on inflicting myself new ones.

As much as art is a constructive process, in which we play God, at the same time is also a destructive process, in which we break pieces of our soul and throw them on paper.

I think you can get everything you want in life, that you can figure out who you want to be, what you want to do, and all that stuff. I believe you’re capable of wonderful things, as long as you have the courage to accept that it’s never going to be easy.

As long as you accept that there will also be pain involved. Maybe lots and lots of it. And you just have to keep fighting. You have to constantly reinvent yourself until you discover who you really are.

And, yes, at times you’ll be afraid. At times you’ll feel comfortable, and you’ll simply want to freeze a moment, hoping it will last forever.

But you’ve got to remind yourself, over and over again, that there are no destinations in life. Only roads.

No matter who you are or what you do, life’s full of moments of doubt, of petty frustrations, or sacrifices. Sometimes you’ve got to go down roads that appear in no maps whatsoever. And then your compass breaks.

And if you look behind you, all you can see is a road paved with regrets. And it seems that before you lies this road going nowhere.

Maybe sometimes it’s well to remember that “nowhere” is a lot closer to “anywhere” than we might think.

***

Hi guys,

There are currently 13 days left in the campaign that’s trying to raise funds for me to purchase a new computer, which I badly need in order to release my future projects.

So, there are two special offers:  those of you who contribute $50 or more will also have a blog post reblogged on this website.

Those of you who contribute $100 or more will also be listed on irevuo.net under the Blogs we like category.

And that’s besides any other perks you might select from the campaign page.

If you want to help this crazy Romanian kid out, you can do so here.

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38 comments on “To whom it may concern

  1. ollindc says:

    INDEED, Cristian…and, how it goes on. Words to reflect on…

  2. mykiasmind says:

    This is an awesome piece. Very relatable. Encouraging and inspiring, yet very, very real.

  3. suzanne says:

    I like this: “my tragedy is all mine.”

  4. “We live, as we dream: alone.” -Joseph Conrad (“The Heart of Darkness”). Perhaps Conrad should’ve added that we write alone as well. Fortunately, through [your] writing, we don’t feel quite so alone. Cheers. http://lovingafrenchman.wordpress.com/

  5. Mo says:

    Hey Cristian! I just wanted to let you know that I enjoyed your post- I too have felt the pain of solitude so I understand. You inspire me- I am 21 years old and I just started writing and I love reading your thoughts and perceptions on life. Please, keep writing <3 Mo

  6. eyesofblue44 says:

    My wish is to one day be able to reach as many as you do – in a way that is so beautiful and incredible … Nicely written – and thought provoking – as always …..

  7. bulldozer00 says:

    Beautiful, just beautiful.

  8. Veronika L. says:

    So so beautiful! I love your writing! It is so inspiring! Yes art is a type of healing or “pain-inflicting” process either way it’s one of the best ways to find out more about yourself!

  9. Everyone has their own struggle or thorn in their side. In life there will be downs. Life is not perfect. Whoever said that lied. Everyone has experienced a loss, grief or sorrow. That’s part of life. But You can overcome it. It’s not easy but you can. Too much fear can paralyze you. It can limit you. But if you break free from it, you live.

  10. I love this part: “As much as art is a constructive process, in which we play God, at the same time is also a destructive process, in which we break pieces of our soul and throw them on paper.”
    I sometimes felt not to write anymore because it opens wound that was healed a long time ago. Yet, I need to write because it is the only way I can express myself.
    Have a great day! :)

  11. lwinzarni says:

    Very well written.. May I quote this “that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger… But the truth is that, most times, what doesn’t kill you makes you wish it did.”

  12. dabaudoin says:

    Very wise, thoughtful post.

  13. Impower You says:

    I stop myself from saying the words fair and unfair these days. Life is indeed the routes we take not the destinations. It’s no use worrying and stressing out because the older you get the more you realize that most problems are simply different versions of what we’ve already ovecome and we have the means to solve those if we ay attention. How great that you’ve figured this out already! Bravo.

  14. I really like this! It touched me deeply

  15. This piece moved me in ways I cannot understand; hopefully someday I realize where that uneasiness came from. I like how easily your writing flows. Great work!

  16. Beautiful post as always. It definitely struck a chord with me when you said that your worst fear was dying alone. Ever since I was young, I have also shared that fear, to the point of it plaguing my childhood nightmares. Your writing is very powerful and I can tell you speak from the heart. Thanks for sharing. One can say that we are all alone in this life, but if we all fear loneliness, then I’d say we may be closer to others than we thought.

  17. Katie says:

    Another lovely piece Cristian.

  18. So true. Every word. Just loved that you shared this little piece of you soul! You are indeed a good writer.

  19. mridubala says:

    Touching and inspiring words Cristian …and yes, you have learned more about life than any other kid of your age…you are going to do well in life…I don’t know who is the author of this quite….but let it bring a feel of enthusiasm to you : “No one is going to hand me success. I must go out & get it myself. That’s why I’m here.To dominate. To conquer. Both the world, and myself.”

  20. Very well written. You are young in years, but obviously have wisdom of an elder. Keep writing as that is what makes you happy. We all deserve our own forms of happiness.

  21. flighty101 says:

    You are just amazing. As a literary artist, writing is the most therapeutic and freeing form for us. Continue to write. Please! Continue!

  22. jennifersoars says:

    I’m usually too shy to comment, but I just wanted to say that this was an incredibly touching post. Thank you for your words.

  23. You put into words what I have felt for quite a while. Such wisdom from one so young!

  24. reivageen says:

    “Find the thing you’re afraid of the most, rummage through your brain until it hurts, and write about it.” ~ Great advice, Cristian. :) Definitely reblog this.

  25. Katie says:

    Hi Cristian, I like your posts. How long have you been blogging and writing? I hope you solve your technology issues soon!

    • Hi Katie,

      Thank you!

      I have been writing since I was 13. I have been blogging here since April 2012.

      • Katie says:

        Wonderful. I like the flow of your writing. It makes sense that you are obviously well practiced! I have not been writing that long but as there are many thoughts constantly flowing through my head it makes sense to put them somewhere. All the best.

  26. lannasaywhat says:

    We indeed are alone, always. I, like you, have had barely anybody until, I discovered that the internet connects me to people even for a moment. In that moment, I feel as if I connected with someone. I thank the computer tech people for this lovely invention. Greatly written piece Cristian.

  27. Becky says:

    Wow. This piece really resonates with me right now, as I’m sure it does for many others as well. Great writing.

  28. You have a lot of insight in life at a very young age of 23.

  29. kjc93 says:

    Thank you for your words and I hope you’ve grown thankful of the experiences you went through to inspire us with them.

  30. maylismatin says:

    Dear Cristian,

    I think I don’t have to add at this point that you’re well off with words, the people before me made that quite clear. Still, I would like to add that although writing is a healing process to the scars life might leave to your soul, I wouldn’t draw back one moment from the privilege of getting them. It’s those happenings in life who give us something to write about which is beyond everything. It’s the people and life itself who deliver the best stories, as life is the most spectacular show on earth. And in case you find yourself on a point where you think it can’t get worst any more, try to see it like that: There are flowers everywhere for those who look (Henry Matisse)

  31. vickihansler says:

    This is simply amazing! Hope you don’t mind me reblogging.

  32. Planet Zion says:

    Cool, I am actually 23 years old myself and can relate to a lot of what you just said.

  33. Like many of your viewers, I found this post to be very related, regarding my original reasons for writing, and an attitude towards life that I had at one age. Maybe you’re not so alone after all.

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