Summer afternoon

summerHenry James thought “summer afternoon” to be the two most beautiful words in the English language. The hopeless romantic in me wants to agree. He can see the melancholy beauty of the landscape only two words create. He can see a place, a time, he can feel a faint breeze.

And he can also feel love.

I don’t remember a single day when I wasn’t in love. If there’s one thing I’ve been doing longer than writing, that has to be falling in and out of love. I just can’t help myself. Even if it lasts a few minutes, an hour, or the rest of my life, I have to fall in love.

That passion that burns inside my veins, that’s reason alone to live. Love’s simple and profound at the same time. Simple because it’s just our hearts beating fast inside our chests, it’s just a series of physical reactions. And profound because we can give it any meaning we want, because it gives us purpose when we have none, it gives us strength and courage, and it makes us dream.

The pursuit makes us happy, the struggle makes us happy, even when we feel there’s no chance on Earth we’ll ever get the person we love, there’s still an undertone of happiness. We cry, but we’re in love, and that makes it a little bit better.

Getting your heart broken or losing the one you love it’s tragic, I give you that, but the biggest tragedy is not being in love. Apathy, lethargy, this bizarre dream-like state in which nothing makes sense. The feeling that you don’t know where to go, you don’t know what to do.

Boredom. Routine. The free-fall.

No one to catch you.

No one to chase away the gnawing feeling of missing someone you’ve never even met.

It’s been some time since I’ve been in love. And it’s interfering with my writing. I don’t know what I’m doing, and I feel restless because I want to find out. And I know that I can spend most of my time searching for love, but I won’t find the love I want to find.

The thing has an uncanny ability to hide away from you when you need it the most.

I’m not sure if any of this makes sense, if my desire to just fall in love makes sense. I’ve stopped trying to make sense of things my heart dictates a long time ago. I just know that I want to experience beauty in the best way possible: by being hopelessly in love.

47 comments on “Summer afternoon

  1. “I don’t remember a single day when I wasn’t in love.” – What a beautiful statement. This whole thing just made my heart leap, Cristian. Thank you, darling.

  2. xxjeanxx says:

    Funny, I just wrote about love too,in a different sense I guess. Guess love has it’s own magic to it. :) Thanks for sharing your thoughts, its beautiful.

  3. Being in love with someone and having them love you back is the greatest feeling in the world. I think that’s why we’re always looking for it after we’ve lost it. I know I want it back and I worry that I might not ever get it back.

  4. Beautiful post. I hope you find the love you are looking for.

  5. Thank you, thank you, thank you! (I read it again and had to thank you again)

  6. “I don’t remember a single day when I wasn’t in love.” I think I’m going to have to save that quote! That is absolutely lovely!
    You kind of remind me of Jay Gatsby. Only in a literary and philosophical sense, which is more powerful.

  7. Nodz says:

    What a beautiful post! I love this! :)

  8. Great post. Love the part about the real tragedy. True, true, true. :) Stay restless, stay curious, stay in love.

  9. Which author was it who said that “cellar door” were two of the most beautiful words in the English language?

  10. People say that the reason a lot of artists (ALL included, poets, writers, painters, etc. and on and on) live much longer lives because of “that passion that burns inside” all of them (us)! :)

  11. This is brilliant, I agree and I LOVE everything about it. May you get what you desire (and seek, deep inside your heart).

  12. Carrie Lange says:

    wish I had that kind of love. I had it once, long, long ago…

  13. mags says:

    My thoughs on Love;
We see the ultimate reflection of God in Love. Who made/makes Love?.
No one made/ makes love. IT ‘Just’ Is. Instant, undeniable, beginningless and endless but absolutely present. And when we are absolutely present too, it is pure and clear and tangible and absolute, and of spirit and being and Heaven and Earth, simultaneously.
When you know Love in truth and in Spirit, you know that noone makes it. it is Before and Beyond everything and forever will be.
 And when it involves your beloved and God is Heaven bestowed.

  14. deepa says:

    “The pursuit makes us happy, the struggle makes us happy, even when we feel there’s no chance on Earth we’ll ever get the person we love, there’s still an undertone of happiness.” These are profound words and this is true of all dreams. I often think of the goal I’m pursuing, which seems elusive, and realise it’s the struggle that makes me feel alive. Thanks so much for this inspiring post!

  15. I absolutely love this! Love, truly, is what makes the world go ’round. Its passion fuels us to continue this pursuit of happiness, and it brings to life a spirit in ourselves we never knew we had! Much love, and well wishes, to you in your writing journey.

  16. Captivating words you’ve written. Keep your heart pure, and fill your day with places and people that bring you joy. Love will certainly come when you least expect it. =)

  17. chengboiser says:

    Simply beautiful, and I totally agree that not being in love is a far tragic way to live.. emptiness can suck the soul out of you.

  18. Cheers to summer afternoons and falling inlove!

  19. Mona says:

    I know exactly what you are saying.

  20. Nice post: “T’is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.” (Alfred Lord Tennyson)

  21. Sudha says:

    What a lovable post! Every word reminds you of the exact state you are- all the time! Yes! We people “in love” are just like that! Every word portraits us! :D… Thanks for another piece of beautiful post!

  22. Hi Christian, are you certain love is not before you? Truly lovely words..

  23. booknutcase says:

    It seems that you love being in love…that love and lack of solid ground gives you the wings to write, to create…maybe I’m wrong but I definitely like your resolution : stop making sense of things your heart dictates….

  24. safia says:

    Love is like a butterfly – pursue it relentlessly and it will flutter higher, always eluding you. Turn your attention to other things, and it wll return and gently settle on your shoulder.

  25. What’s not to love about love?

  26. Morbid Insanity says:

    “The real tragedy is not being in love.” I don’t agree with that, but it’s just an opinion of someone who never loved and don’t really thinks that love is so necessary as the air. But I always thought and felt puzzled about this thing called love. It is interesting how people write and/or talk about it. I don’t think that people should not love, should not fall in love. It is good, right, so open yourself to the love, spread love! And I’m not saying I reject it, it’s interesting to read (it’s beautiful in your post) or to listen to people talking about it. But when I try to imagine love around me, trying to get infiltrate in my body…it is a little scary…

    “Maybe I’ll fall in love and never learn”

  27. Abby says:

    For some reason at the end of it I thought to myself, He loves love. ;) It’s very innocent the way you’ve described it, normally I feel a little bit of disdain when anyone brings it up (put it down to my age) but the way you write about it, it seems like you cherish that feeling a lot. If we generalize the whole love thing, then that emotion in itself is very powerful. Liked this one!

  28. Roacilynn says:

    We’ll I’m 31 and I’ve NEVER been in love. Do I long for it? Maybe, somewhere deep down inside. I kind of just feel like one day the right person will come along. In time, I don’t go searching for it. Maybe because I desire too many other things for myself…who knows.

  29. Interesting post. First you write that you cannot recall a day when you have not been in love, then state that you haven’t been in love for quite awhile but so want to be. But it seems it is the want coupled (sorry…) with the falling in love that may be the magnet for you, not remaining in love….I think this is so for many–Eros versus that steady love which sustains, upholds, and brings out the best in the long–not short haul. At least, as I see it after many “loves” and then being with one person for 30 years. There is a season for all sorts of love, I suspect…

  30. petergurren says:

    That little death when you walk by a pretty girl and you smile and she smiles and in all the briefness of a few steps you picture the rest of your life together. Then you get on your bus or train and she steps over the curb away from your bus and train. And you think to yourself, “if only she knew I loved her.”

  31. rachgoesrawr says:

    But anyone who has seen Donnie Darko thinks ‘Cellar Door’ is the most beautiful combination of words :P I don’t really know why that is though

  32. Ametane'e says:

    I “love” your insight and I completely agree. Life without love is just blaah. Even when love hurts it’s worth it

  33. A says:

    What a beautiful post. The simplest things in life are often the least understood.
    I hope you find the love your heart desires.

  34. cheesyplinky says:

    Three words: I love this. :)

  35. beejmckay says:

    From Hemingway’s “The Old Man and the Sea” – “….he dreamed of Africa when he was a boy and the
    long golden beaches and the white beaches, so white they hurt your eyes, and the high
    capes and the great brown mountains.”
    This combination of words has always seemed the most magical I have ever read. It was the first time I ever actually felt, smelled, touched, and saw vividly in my mind the memories of a fictional character. I partially attribute my life of wanderlust and curiosity to the internalization of this phrase.
    I remember where I was when these words first washed over me at age 12, and I thank my put-upon middle-school English teacher (wherever he is) for assigning this book.

    • Actually to me The Old Man and the Sea is one of the few perfect pieces of literature. It has everything, and in the right amounts. And it’s just wonderful writing. Maybe it also works so well because the story’s not too very long, and there isn’t much going on. Other stories I find perfect are The Turn of the Screw and The Invention of Morel by Adolfo Bioy Casares.

      • beejmckay says:

        Yes, James certainly knew how to put a phrase together too. His summation of the perfect phrase “summer afternoon” made me think of that similarly perfect Hemingway passage. I’ll have to check out the Casares novel, thanks, I hadn’t heard of it.

  36. mcwoman says:

    Don’t force it. Leave your heart open and the love you are looking for will find you.

  37. Marie Rogers says:

    Love isn’t limited to another person. You can be in love with an idea, a cause, a place, a story. If you are happy to be in love with another person, your life is further enriched if these other loves are present as well.

  38. CS Lewis in The Four Loves:

    “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

    • berlioz1935 says:

      “To love is to be vulnerable”

      So what? Without love one is only a shadow of oneself. If you have avoided love it is only by pure chance and we will feel sorry for you. Some people die in search for love. It is that important. Not to love makes you even more vulnerable. You drift !

  39. wodezitie says:

    Thank you for your honest and human piece – the desire for desire. You have such passion for writing, but art does not replace the beauty of every day interaction of beauty in life, I think. I always felt that if I realized my utmost potential as an artist, I might drop my pen and crayons and simply live art every moment, so to speak… May your passion emanate to those around you, and I’m sure it does!

  40. H. Ken Abell says:

    This strikes a chord with me as well — falling in love with people, places, ideas, music, art, etc.. at the drop of the hat. Very good piece.

  41. a.h.richards says:

    That makes me feel better. I thought I was nuts for feeling, remembering and living love so deeply and passionately. You’re so right when you say that “I just know that I want to experience beauty in the best way possible: by being hopelessly in love.” Hopelessly in love is the flame that wants to turn into a conflagration. And at the same time, it is that, because you are consumed by the love. I have known such love, and feel that magic beauty still drifting through me the way sand dunes drift under wind. Reading what you have said, I know that love, even hopeless love, is a thing of real joy. Thank you for reminding me. And, by the way, I am hopelessly in love with three women right now. Not infatuated. In love. One of them happens to be a lover I knew for a few years in my prime. God! What bittersweet eroticism and joy!
    Thank you for your writing.

  42. Beautifully written. It’s a wonderful feeling being in love. I’ve been in love with my husband over 45 years, and with God longer than that. There’s so much to love in this world: music, family, friends, the gleam of understanding that shines in a child’s eye when he finally figures it out, the beauty of clouds floating softly in a soft blue sky, and the fierceness of a thunderstorm, etc. Then there’s those days filled with pain or sorrow that nothing seems right or loving including me.

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