Crowded buses

busWhen I was a kid I was terrified of crowded buses. I was afraid that I would find myself away from the door, and I wouldn’t be able make my way through the crowd. Indeed, kind of a stupid thing to be afraid of, but if you think about it, the most subtle way life can test you whether you really want something is to put someone stand in your way.

It’s one of the most difficult things to do: to push people out of your way. And it’s more about fear than it’s about kindness. It’s more about self-indulgence than it is about altruism.

To a certain degree, we’re all self-centered, but we’re also afraid of others. We don’t want to be invisible, but we don’t want to be punished for being “too visible” either. We want to be comfortable. That’s it, basically. And we learn early on that other people have the power to disturb that comfort.

Ever since I started this blog I’ve met a lot of brilliant artists, some of which are far better at their craft that I could ever hope to become at mine. And yet, they’re afraid. They don’t really want it, they just kind of want it. They’re afraid to take risks, to give something up for that great work of art they’ve always wanted to create.

They don’t want to give up the comfortable life they have in order to build all the dreams they have stored up in their hearts. They don’t want to fail, they’re afraid people are going to hate what they do, or even worse, that they won’t care.

They repeatedly tell me (and themselves) that they’re only doing this for fun. It’s just a hobby, a passion reserved for when the stars align in just the right way. But then they tell me that it would be nice to have it all: to be able to do what they love doing most in the world over and over again, without having to worry about money or bills or taxes, they’d love to be able to show the entire world what their own minds have created. They’d love to spend the strangest hours of the night reading fan mail.

They want to inspire and change and build, but they feel now it’s not the time. They’re not good enough, or they haven’t saved up enough money. They’re too young, they’re too complicated, they’re too alone or too happy.

Sadly, now it’s never the time to do it. In fact, I have the strange habit of giving up everything in order to furiously stroll my fingers against the keyboard at the worst possible time. Just before the entire world goes bankrupt and I almost starve to death. That’s a nice example.

The truth is, and I’m afraid I can’t lie to you, it’s not enough to be really good at something. In art or life or love or whatever, being really good is only one ingredient. Luck plays its part as well, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

You know, I’ve always enjoyed to aimlessly wander around town. Sometimes I stop and stare at all these people hurriedly walking past me, and I ask myself: “Are they in such a hurry because they’re going to fulfill their most ambitious dream or are they simply running away from it?”

What you dream up matters to no one but yourself. Never forget that. But what you do about it, how you decide to act upon that dream, that’s an entirely different thing.

I figured this part early on: that’s what separates me from almost everyone else. I picked one dream, just one out of the billion or so I have collected over the years, and I have decided to make it come true. And I’m not willing to give up.

If you’ve been following this blog for at least a couple of weeks or so, then you know about this campaign on Indiegogo, where I tried to raise the funds needed to publish (and edit, and pay for advertising) my next project. I have succeeded in raising $514 in twenty days, but that’s not nearly enough.

But I’m not giving up. Mostly, because it’s my dream, and I alone have to fight for it to come true. Never retreat, never surrender.

You know that really famous quote that’s sometimes attributed to Albert Einstein? “Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.”

I’ve always thought it to be the definition of perseverance.

Do you believe in this dream of mine? Do you enjoy the stuff that I write on this blog just enough so you can spare a couple of bucks and pre-order a novel you’ll surely enjoy? Do you want me to succeed?

If yes, you can help me out here.


12 comments on “Crowded buses

  1. ksfinblog says:

    slow and steady……. good luck

  2. mellyangel says:

    For a long time people whi just wanted to be comfortable in their life without pushing themselves too hard andcjust doing well enough to reach the requirements of their job really got under my skin! I kept thinking, “but don’t you want to make something of yourself, progress, strive for excellence, get that promotion and be the best that you can always?” Perhaps it was their fear as you say, but i began putting it down to … There are two types of people 1 believers, strivers, doers, go getters, the leaders and then there is 2 the comfortable ones, the sheep, the followers … And thats ok but I am a leader and not everyone has the same perception of life and how to get through it. Great post! Live the quote by Einstein .. I must be completely insane!!

  3. xandrad says:

    I was on a London bus once and saw a London Transport sign which read “Kindly move along the bus, and so make room for all of us.” Below that some wag had scrawled “That’s okay, without a doubt. But how the hell do we get out?”

  4. I think that you are an amazing writer. Often times i fail to notice all the amazing pieces you have up your sleeve. And yes, I definitely agree with you, “[I] don’t want to fail, [I am] afraid people are going to hate what [I] do, or even worse, that they won’t care.” That’s definitely something I struggle with, and writing is my way out. It just tends to ease everything. you’re writing does that to readers too, eases things. Keep writing, I absolutely cannot wait for the amazing things to unravel from your sleeve.

  5. Nice writing, Cristian. Thanks for the inspiration. I’m not afraid of my art…writing.

    Embracing passions and relationships.™

  6. If we DON’T have dreams, how will they ever come true? Keep going!

  7. I absolutely loved reading this! I’m also aspiring to be a novelist some day, and your writing is beautiful and engaging. I really connected with it :)

  8. athling2001 says:

    Fantastically true. Love the image of the crowded bus- that really made things come alive for me. I know you’ll get where you are going.

  9. ThriftToBeauty says:

    Yes! I want you to succeed. I hope you can see the fruits of your endeavor.

  10. zainabattari says:

    How I wish I were rich this very moment! :(
    I am that creative person who wants to accomplish those dreams that I have built in my heart but then I pull myself back for various reasons. Sigh! I someday hope to break through.
    Good luck with your new project. :)

  11. bythetrail says:

    Great words! I`m in this same boat of “now it`s not the time” lately because of saving up for a new camera and for moving, so I can totally relate to it.

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