I spent most of today sleeping. Not because I was tired, but mostly because I felt like doing nothing. When I finally decided to get out of bed and write some stuff, the power went out. Ironic, isn’t it? I had spent most of my day telling myself that tomorrow I’ll have plenty of time to write, and when I couldn’t, I panicked.
There are few simple truths in life, and one of them is the fact that we rarely appreciate what we have until we lose it. Until it can no longer be. We tend to take things for granted, and when those things are taken from us, that’s when we realize how important they were.
We’ve always despised the ghost of what can no longer be.
But if that’s so, why not act? Why not act now? Well, first of all, because we’re afraid: of failure, of our dreams coming true. We’re afraid of the unknown, we’re afraid of journeys that might lead us nowhere. So I often tell myself that in order to reach a place no one has ever been to, you need to be lost. Truly lost.
Then, we feel as if time is on our side. Especially when we are young. We see time as an almost inexhaustible resource. But, the truth is, time is never on our side. People often tell me that I’m young and have my whole life ahead of me, but I don’t have that certainty. And neither do you.
As Faulkner wrote, “time is your misfortune.”
We want the easy battle. We want freedom, but we can’t really define it. We want something, and for most of our lives, it eludes us. For most of our lives we feel as if we had and lost a precious object whose beauty we only remember in our dreams.
My philosophy on life is pretty strange, and it’s what’s gotten me in quite a bit of trouble, but it’s also what kept me going when everyone told me to stop. There are no guarantees in life, no safe journeys. We either live or not. Ultimately, death is always around the corner.
I know that a lot of people work hard all their lives with the clear goal of becoming free. They want to buy that kind of freedom that will allow them to pursue their wildest dreams.
But trust me on this one: dreams fade away. Just like a flower… if you don’t take care of your dreams, if you don’t water them and nurture them, dreams will eventually die. If you wake up each morning and sigh because you need to go to a place you despise and sit at a desk for 8 hours… you can tell yourself anything you want: that you need to take care of your family, that that’s how life works, that not everyone gets to do what they love most in the world.
Tell yourself all that, but, then again, if you have to tell yourself that you’re happy, that you should be happy, that other people have less than what you have, you’re not happy. Simple as that.
I’m not trying to change minds, I’m not trying to make people give up their jobs to pursue their dream of becoming writers or painters or singers.
All that I ask is that you live each day knowing that you’ll never come out of this alive. Find a way, not an excuse. Talk less about doing stuff, and actually do stuff. Make stuff happen, because there’s no one who’s going to do it for you.
Dreams die. Sooner or later, if you spend enough time looking at your own reflection in the mirror and telling yourself that you’re happy, life will break you, and all those impossible dreams you were saving for later… they’ll die.