I often say that art is a matter of faith. That you have to believe in what you’re doing. You have to believe in the world you’re creating, in yourself, in your capabilities. Leave no room for doubt, petty frustrations, or insecurities.
I also say that it’s all just a matter of hard work. But sometimes you hit a wall. You’ve run out of things to say. You feel void of motivation, inspiration, or courage. What once brought you great pleasure, it’s now a tedious task.
Yes. We need to act upon our dreams, but we must never forget to dream. To hope. To aspire. To believe.
It’s become increasingly difficult to write. Anything. I’d much rather spend my time sleeping or aimlessly wandering around town. I’d spend hours inside my head, remembering things that I’ve been trying to forget for some time now. I’d fall asleep, my heart filled with the sense of missing someone I never even met. My soul wishing for something extraordinary to happen.
I wanted to fast forward things… a year, two perhaps. But all I was doing was to wait.
I had hit a wall. I had stopped believing in my own dream. I had stopped dreaming altogether about all the great things that I set out to do.
It’s been a complicated year for me. Lots of heartache, lots of unnecessary drama. I got hurt by those whom I never thought capable of hurting me. And I hurt them in return. I lost people, and there was nothing I could do about it. I lost my way. I lost my ambition, my desire to fight. I just wanted for things to be good again. For life to be okay. At least okay.
But it doesn’t really work like that, does it?
You have to go out there and create the life you want. Whether it’s just okay or extraordinary, you’re the master of your destiny.
They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. And works in progress. And lots and lots of bitterness that you don’t want to let go of. And a bunch of unread e-mails. And bills to pay, and friends to talk to every once in a while.
And it wasn’t until recently that I realized that, just as John F. Kennedy once said, the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. To practice what you preach. To do what you know in your heart of hearts to be right. To always speak the truth, even if your voice shakes. And to never stop asking yourself who is it that you want to be.
Who am I going to be if I stop writing? Who am I going to be if I stop trying to change the world, one sentence at a time? Who am I going to be if all I do is write? If my words are not accompanied by actions.
Where am I going to go if I do not see the good in people and act as if that’s the only thing I see?
What’s going to happen if I do not see that we’re all equal? Different, but equal. That we all have greatness and magic inside of us.
What’s going to happen if I get so caught up in the mind numbing routine of my day to day life that I don’t even get a chance to ask myself these simple questions?