Letting go vs. holding on

“Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage, against the dying of the light.”Dylan Thomas

The say there’s one lesson of importance that life keep trying to teach us: letting go. Accepting whatever happened and moving on. Understanding that it is futile to fight back fate, destiny, or the will of the gods.

That, I’m afraid, is a lesson in humility that I never learned. And I think that it’s a different lesson altogether. That of holding on. Of being brave in the face of adversity, of being bold and persistent. Of forging your own destiny.

Being born on Christmas Day I’ve always thought that I was meant to change something. That I was meant to get everything that I wanted, no matter what. And I have always been willing to fight.

You see, there’s just one moment in a man’s life when he understands he is utterly and inconsolably alone: when he has to fight against everyone in order to get what he wants most.

I don’t know that shouting into the void, trying to find answers to questions that no one ever bothered to ask, or simply getting out of bed when you don’t want to wake up builds up a man. Or destroys his soul completely.

But I can tell you this. Letting go is easy. Accepting that you just hit a wall and turning back is easy. Giving up on people when they need you the most is easy. To accept a life you’re not happy about and to call yourself a realist is easy.

But holding on, when everyone around you tells you to let go, that is almost impossible. Holding on when all you want is to let go, when all you have left is pain and bitterness and frustration welling up inside your soul… that is difficult.

This is not about control. It’s not about what we can or cannot control.

It’s about determination and passion and desire. It’s about dreams and about holding on to those dreams. It’s about “in spite.”

All I want is to write. Because it makes me happy. Because it satisfies my desire for more. Because I feel that I am changing something in others. Because I can hope. And because I’m only as strong as the things I hope for.

By this dream is slowly dying. But I won’t give up. No.

I will fight.

There are only 8 days left in the campaign. Just that. And there are $690 to raise. And I can’t make it without your help. And there’s not much else to say.

I need the funds so I can edit my novel, so I can pay the Internet bill so I can keep on blogging. It’s that critical. It’s that important and essential to what I am doing. I need the funds so I can keep writing.

Anyone who contributes $50 or more will receive a blog repost on top of whatever perks they might select. And there are plenty of cool perks available.

I need your help. I can’t do this without you…

If you want to help me overcome this difficult time in my life and my career, you can do so here.

Also, you can send direct donations via PayPal to contact [at] cristianmihai [dot] net. Or purchase a bundle of novels and short stories here.

There are many ways you can help…

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23 comments on “Letting go vs. holding on

  1. twoblindcatsandcrew says:

    Keep going! I love your determination. You are on my favorite bloggers.

  2. Your drive and determination is contagious, I love it! Keep going with that drive and passion, I hope you succeed :)

  3. “You see, there’s just one moment in a man’s life when he understands he is utterly and inconsolably alone: when he has to fight against everyone in order to get what he wants most.”

    I love this part. There’s a deep well inside of you that understands human emotion and depiction of it very well. I wish I knew you in real life. I would sit and talk with you about everything.

  4. Vidhya says:

    Letting go is easy?
    At least in holding on there is a sense of hope, but when you let go, it is like ripping off a limb from the body, accepting the condition to live like that till the end, and moving on. It requires tremendous courage. If letting go was easy for someone, then he had not held it deeply, in which case there is nothing transformational about that kind of letting go.

  5. Keep writing (:
    Wish I could help more –

    Love the Romanian accent by the way, haha. Fascinating. Always knew you were but never read your words that way, don’t know what I was thinking.

  6. stanleymathis says:

    I feel your spirit Christian. Follow your bliss.

  7. Jeanette says:

    I’ve bought the bundle. It’s not a lot of money to help you out, but it’s all I could spare, since I’m letting go of a lot of things right now to follow my own dreams. I’ve only recently discovered your blog, but I love your writing. So I will curl up on the couch to read today! Good luck with the fund raising.

  8. David Warren says:

    Crisitan, sometimes I wonder if the words don’t sometimes mean the same. I know that is difficult to see, literally, as letting go versus raging against the dying light appear directly in contradiction. I positively without doubt find strong words in both lessons simultaneously. The only way I know how to illustrate this with my own life story, is just over five years ago I lost my father. Just months before his death I was accepted into school for a new passion, so felt insecure in my ability and have a personality trait that is often insecure I have to wrestle with, so going to school was going to be difficult to any way I look at even without grief. I found myself in a whirlwind of emotions, anger, unjust, unfair (knowing this is also the hand life can deal you) and it’s entirely your response that will determine your outcome. You have to rest upon your own inner intuitions of yourself, talk to who can help, and make your choices. I was becoming very angry feeling ripped by institutional/societal pressures of needing to perform, death/grief is very poignant human emotion always going to be dealt with by everybody — it seemed inhuman an institution can only adapt in so many ways. In fairness the school (well the coordinator of the program was very empathetic). I was becoming angry at my father, despite rationally knowing he didn’t do this, it was a consequence. Quickly with an academic withdrawal date coming I had to make a decision if I want to possibly go to school again in the future. It enraged me; yes. I learned very quickly to hold his memory (precious to me) I had to rage against the dying of his light (my light) and let go for now of that dream. His life became larger than mine despite I was the one left. I had to be humble and accept this is my rage… my ego. He didn’t do this it was my emotional responses (in every way normal I can see now from a strong interest in the affects of grief and stories). That was his gift to me. Maybe one day I can return to my dreams ~ he’d want this but more than anything he’d want me not angry to accept life is finite. So I may can also suggest raging against the dying of the light is found in letting go.

  9. Two things: 1) I bought the bundle. That was all I can afford right now, and I’m looking forward to reading it (Probably in December, during my winter break.) That being said, I do book reviews on my writing blog, and also on Examiner.com. I don’t have a huge audience, but I’d be glad to spread the word, when I get reading time. Would you have a preference for what I read/review first?

    2) I absolutely love this Dylan Thomas poem! I got the first line tattooed on the inside of my wrist a few years ago, and it’s kept me going through some very difficult times. You are still writing, still not giving up, and that says a lot about your character. Excellence is forged in adversity. Keep trying. Don’t give up (says the person who admires your tenacity, when I haven’t found the time to write fiction in WEEKS).

    Good luck.

  10. simon7banks says:

    Sometimes letting go is very hard, but the only way to new growth.

  11. I want to wish you the best of luck. I just found your blog today, and I’ve enjoyed what I’ve read already. I look forward to seeing many more posts from you.

    This post in particular strikes a bit of a cord for me, as letting go and holding on are two things that I’ve struggled with through my own life. Clinging onto a SO who ultimately only is going to hurt me, or letting go of my very future at times, for the fear of failure and mockery. Pots like this help me to remember to keep courage and move boldly forward. Fear is a mental state, not a promise. In the end, only those who reach for the stars ever have hope of seeing the brighter tomorrow. I know that you will reach that star, even if you have to dust yourself off again and again, because that is what greatness does.

  12. Amelia W. says:

    i hope my contribution helps. also, i understand the desire to fight. to not go gently. i sometimes wonder if it is my curse though and not a virtue.

  13. Great and inspiring. I along with my family was faced with many decisions you speak of but for someone else, my Dad. It led me to write “Being There” and many poems that question the will to live and the dignity to die. Aimi Medina

  14. jssjlmil says:

    I agree with you on this. letting go is hard and a tough decision. I loved this post and I fully believe in creating ones own Destiny

  15. Dear ol' Dad says:

    Love your passion, love your words from the gut. You have inspired me and your posts have spoken to me on a tough patch of my own. Blessings to you, Cristian.

  16. KAK Photography says:

    I love your writing; I think you are an ecellent writer and feel like you are bound to succeed!

    http://freshlymessylife.wordpress.com/

  17. Poignant but inspirational. Every aspiring writer’s nightmare. Keep on writing.

  18. randygoatboy says:

    That was great.
    LET GO & LET GOD.

  19. adamjasonp says:

    Things turned when I turned 24.  But in reality nothing is overall better or worse in comparison.

    “To accept a life you’re not happy about and to call yourself a realist is easy.”  So true.

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