Fate

Untitled-1I don’t know if you believe in fate or not, if you believe in a predetermined order of things. If you believe we’re all puppets on strings, and some higher consciousness is controlling our actions. Maybe you think free will is an illusion, and, in a way, you’d be right to think that.

Why?

Because, whether or not you like it, society, as in everyone who has the power to influence our lives, is constantly trying to “guide” us. It’s how this world has functioned ever since we invented civilization. Everyone around you is trying to help you into becoming who they need you to be.

Not who you want to be, not who you’ve always dreamed of being, but who they need you to be in order for them to be who they want to be.

It’s not complicated or great or sad. It’s just how things work.

But what if you want more? What if you don’t feel like giving up without a fight? What then?

I’ve been wanting to be a writer ever since I was 13 years old. And I wrote and wrote and wrote, and I read a lot of books, and I’ve made a fool out of myself countless times. I’ve got bad reviews, I’ve received hate e-mails. I’ve been told to give up by friends and family. And I’ve nearly starved to death on a more than one occasion.

But I didn’t give up, because I knew what I wanted to do, and I knew how precious and rare this is: to know what you want from life, to have one big, crazy dream. Most people don’t really have that, and even few have the courage to do anything other than dream about it.

And I was more than willing to give everything up in order to make my dream come true.

This summer, when book sales were at their lowest ever since I started this blog in April 2012, I decided to work part-time as a waiter. It wasn’t a part time job, actually, because I was working for 12 hours almost every day. But they pay certainly was part-time.

And, you know, every motivational speaker tells you to never give up. That you have to fight hunger, exhaustion… all that is a test of how bad you really want something. So I spent a couple of night writing blog posts, essays, stuff like that. Until I was almost falling asleep at work, which in turn almost got me fired.

So I couldn’t write anymore.

If you’re not an artist, and if there was never a time in your life when you weren’t allowed to do your thing, you can’t imagine how terrible this fate is. It’s like prison, I suppose.

You can’t do what you love. It’s something outside of you that’s doing all that, that’s controlling your movements. It honestly feels like you’re a puppet on a string.

So I quit. Simple as that. Without thinking about rent or bills or money for food. I just wanted to be able to write, and to finish editing my second big release for this year (something I’ve promised folks for a long time.)

I wanted to do all that, but I didn’t really think it through, mostly because sometimes I like to believe thinks work out. Somehow, things work out.

But they didn’t. I tried running promotions, offering huge discounts to ad options, and offering an e-book bundle that was 4 times cheaper than it should have been.

To no avail.

That’s why I have no other option but to rely on your help. If you enjoy this blog, if you think the stuff that I write is not useless, you can now help me out by donating here.

Francesca, Soriya, Brent, LaMarr, Diana, and all the others have contributed so far a total of $305. Thank you!

If the situation wouldn’t be critical, I wouldn’t ask you for your help.

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19 comments on “Fate

  1. dk1best says:

    Thank you very much for sharing your experience, and especially, your feelings. It must be very frustrating. And, I respect your passions to keep going your own way. Personally, it would be meaningful for you. And, it is meaningful to for me, and any others in the similar pages. Your writing is inspirational. Thank you, again.

  2. Statik says:

    I believe that we are all in control of our own destinies and the stories we write are ours to control.

  3. chocolate231 says:

    You are truly an inspiration. Your every post is so meaningful, and the only way I can explain any bad things that happened to you like your friends criticising you is that I’m sure it made you stronger and a better person. Wish you all the best

  4. I certainly do understand struggling my friend. All the best to you. x

  5. How odd is that!! i was just talking to my mother about fate and how I am in the middle of writing a blog on fate! sorry I just find that weird that i just jump on and the first blog I see is yours and it is titled ” FATE”

  6. em5554 says:

    I think about the question of free will and fate a lot, I realized that the best way to find the truth is to study choices.

    Everything we do is motivated by our desires. You desire to become a writer, which as led you to be what you are today. It even led you to write every single word in this post just the way. Are you a puppet? idk, hehe

    Every morning I “choose” to shower with warm water. I have a “choice” to shower with cold water, but when I always choose what I desire by default (warm water), my choice vanishes! Now, I have indeed showered with cold water when there was warm water available and you know what I learned? I learned that maybe my desire to test my free will was larger than my desire to take a warm shower…

    I am not sure why it is this way, but we are slaves to our desires. Even when we think we are not. For example, going to the gym appears like something many of us do not desire, but our desire for a healthy body is greater than the desire to stay at home.

    Christian, I desire I could help you. But I currently cant for I am in need, as a struggling writer, at this time too… (:

  7. Stanito says:

    I love your blog and your spirit.

  8. shanaia222 says:

    Thank you so much. This saved me, my dreams of becoming a director and my useless self esteem. I wish you all the best and you have written such a beautiful piece and your work will not go unnoticed xx

  9. Mirror MUSES says:

    Cristian, Don’t ever give up! Writing is who you are & it’s good to have you back. :)

  10. Could be true. I only have a certain element of control in my life. I do know there is a lot going on in my life and otherwise, that I do not have any control over. If I did, I guess I would be god.

  11. Farid says:

    So much purity in your writing and pulls the strings of everyone’s heart. I shall try if I could help. God bless you.

  12. Frustrating! Most creative people suffer with you. Keep trying, strings or not!

  13. dianafmorais says:

    We are the creators of our lives. Whether we are conscious or unconscious about it, it makes no difference. Our free will is to decide to delay or speed up the achievement of our desires. There’s nothing more selfish than deciding to delay it. Everyone will be missing out.

  14. I love this. Ive been going back and forth on an opportunity because im scared. And reading this helped me realize, i need to do it. For me. Because i want to. Thank you. And i will help out how i can as soon as i can. Keep writing.

  15. What is for you, will not go by you. Don’t give up.

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