Not all those who wander…

post-39773-Lost-in-Life-People-who-took-a-CV1OIt’s been twelve years since I wrote my first story. Didn’t even have the guts to finish it. I started about ten times more projects than I finished. I gave up, again and again. Some days I just wouldn’t want to write anything. I’d hate it; I’d loathe the fact that I had to edit my stories, that I had to read them aloud and realize they’re not as good as I thought when I wrote them. I’d despise the fact that some days it just didn’t work. The words wouldn’t come.

After I self-published my first novel in January 2011 and sold a grand total of 4 copies I gave up writing. I thought that I would never be good enough. I was quite certain of that actually. I felt lost and alone like I never felt before. Kept wondering… what was going to happen, what was I supposed to do…

I couldn’t stop asking questions, and I sure as hell couldn’t come up with any answers.

One night I decided it was worth another try. I rewrote a scene from my novel and uploaded it on Wattpad, an online community for aspiring writers. People read my story, and they liked it. You don’t really have to believe me, but that was one of the best days of my life.

And more and more people read my stuff.

So I wrote more.

What I’m really trying to say is that I owe it all to you. My readers. To each and every single one of you. Because even though some artists might never admit it, to us it’s all about knowing that our work matters.

My words matter. And that’s my purpose.

So thank you. It’s been an honor to write for you all these years, and it’s the one thing I’m most proud of.

But I don’t know if I could ever appreciate what I do know hadn’t it been for the incredible failure that was my debut novel. And my pathetic attempt at blogging, when I gave up after the first three posts.

Sometimes being lost isn’t a bad thing. After all, it’s actually “feeling” lost, and that’s just an emotion, something that can be defeated. And as long as you keep going, nothing can stop you.

***

Tomorrow, I have a dentist’s appointment. As you can read here, the treatment costs more than I can afford to pay. So I am asking for your help. If you want to, if you can afford to. It’s up to you. That is all.

If you want to help me out, you can do so here.

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20 comments on “Not all those who wander…

  1. Alex McClain says:

    Great read. As a fellow writer I can very much relate. It feels like a roller coaster at times, but what fun would life be if everything in life always had this “cookie cutter” plan? Lol.

  2. kpayceo says:

    and I’m 32 perfect time to start our social networking site that rewards people for networking, http://www.kinnectpay.com

  3. laurensumme says:

    Perfect Tuesday pick-me-up. Thank you.

  4. arcade1775 says:

    thank god that you didn’t give up, otherwise i never would’ve met you. ^__^V be seeing you…

  5. Yikes… I just reread two of my poems that were actually “published”… I just want to rewrite, rewrite both!!! I obviously was not reading them aloud to myself back then!! …Learning, learning always…

  6. I definitely agree sometimes when you’re in the thick of it you can’t really see the light at the end of the tunnel but I guess you just have to have faith that if you keep working hard enough things will come out ok!

  7. naomimgruer says:

    Cool chart. Thanks for sharing.

  8. cdibbs says:

    Om my gosh, I am so glad you wrote this… I’m not alone. I am new and old to writing, and at times I have no idea what I am doing — actually that’s all the time. See you on Wattpad!!

  9. Just keep going! Easier said than done (and it’s rich coming from me who has to constantly motivate myself to keep going) but your blog is great, keep up the good work :-)

  10. julie says:

    I love that you wrote: “… being lost isn’t a bad thing… it’s actually “feeling” lost, and that’s just an emotion…” Excellent, thank you!

  11. Mel says:

    We see all the young, lucky entrepreneurs, authors, actors, and socialites in the news and think, “Oh man, I am too late! I’m not their age. I missed my chance!”. It doesn’t help that their rise to success is usually made out to be effortless, without any mention of the crap most of them had to wade through and fight against to get there. As a fledgling author who is also a mother [though not a single one] the fact that JK Rowling started her career from similar roots is inspiring to me, but I did not learn that until very recently!

    This is great to remind people that for the most part, you’re never too late!

  12. bcongtangco says:

    Going through this “feeling” lost phase right now. Graduated from college a year ago and had a constant what am doing with my life dialogue in my head. Just when I was feeling grander and content about where I am now, I go on my first short backpacking trip. Now, I feel like I’m back at the start. I feel lonely and lost. Reading this might have lifted my spirit a little bit. So thanks.

  13. I can really relate to this. It’s hard writing, and I get nervous letting anybody read any of it! But blogging has helped me to be more confident in my writing, and this post has really spoken out to me!

  14. tiffzsmily says:

    And the worst moment is when you do a blog which you feel so sure that will attract eyes, only to realize that no one actually passed by, yet you have to keep writing because its passionate…

  15. Nice read.
    Sometimes I get to think that when I feel lost, part of it is because, basically, I am not fully aware of where I am and what I have accomplished just by being there. Things around might look different just by changing the way we look into them. May be you have more than you think since those things we don´t like use to take our attention easier than those with potential to be useful. So instead of using all my thoughts about trying to find out where should I move to, from where I stand, it might be useful to take sometime to just observe and try to understand where I am and what I have with me. Otherwise I might move into a different “place” knowing why I left but not where I am, again.
    Basically, I try to remain myself that where we are represent what we are and all things that we have accomplished. I guess sometimes, what we need to feel proudly that we belong where we stand, is about giving ourselves more credit just for having accomplished to arrive wherever we are. And that such place is a good one where to stand and from where to carry on moving to wherever life might take you ;)
    Have a good day everyone.

  16. medasane says:

    great chart, and good life lesson. wish I had the money to help you. sorry. :-/ I know the pain of expensive medical costs when you don’t have anything or much of anything. if only they would let us sweep up or mop for tooth care credits. :)

  17. hippiegeek42 says:

    Such a great quote for your title. The Lord of the Rings is one of my own personal favorites. I think that everyone must wander if they want to find themselves.

  18. blakeseeger says:

    I’m the same. I start but have trouble finishing. I started two Fan Fiction book series and I have no plan to finish them. Mainly due to how horrible they are and the fact that I don’t feel like looking at them to edit them. But everything happens for a reason. I have been working on a book series and though my first book and its precursor are for sale, I have barely made any actual sales. This however has not stopped me from writing. I enjoy the world I have created and I can’t wait to see how the new book turns out. Writing is all about patience. Start with small goals and work your way up. That’s what I have learned from things.

  19. Just what I needed to hear- thank you. I sometimes get so paralyzed by perfectionism that I can’t even finish a first draft. It’s hard for me to remember to just have fun with my writing sometimes and not stress over the end result.

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