The impossible

Sometimes words cannot express what needs to be said. Sometimes words fail in their one and only purpose: to deliver a message.

Right now, I am lost for words. I want to write about depression, about anxiety, about loneliness, about trying to get better and failing. I want to write about health issues, about debt, about the almost impossible task of turning things around.

My medical condition is turning out to be more costly than anticipated. Add bills to pay to that equation and it’s not looking good. I know I have to ask for help and hope for the better. The die have been cast. It is urgent and necessary. It’s not something to kid about.

I can talk about my passion, my dream of becoming a writer, the twelve years I have invested in it, for hours and hours. I do my best to motivate those around me, and yet I am the one who can’t be motivated. I am the one who is sad, depressed, and feels lonely, even though he isn’t.

I try my best… it doesn’t seem to work out.

Like I previously said. The situation is urgent. I’d write desperate, but I want to be optimistic about everything.

If you can and want to, you can help me out with any amount you see fit here.

I don’t know what else to write…

 

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9 thoughts on “The impossible

  1. I know what its like to feel how you are now. I spent a few years just trying to stop the darkness I was feeling from spilling out and ruining everything I touched. But slowly without me noticing things get better.

  2. You’re so right about that. Sometimes, a person is just speechless. I don’t know what your condition is – I can say I know what you’re feeling… anxiety, loneliness, health issues, and debt. You are not alone. Whether I can inspire you or not I do not know I can only pray for you.

  3. Hi Christian,
    I’m so sorry to your struggles are continuing. I am financially in the same boat without any income and my Dad paid our daughter’s medical bills. My Dad is also in the process of selling the house which has saved my sanity and so I too feel like I am f=heading to the abyss myself. However, now in my mid 40s, I have experienced the abyss many times and made it out so I am clinging onto my seat for dear life and believing that something better lies around the corner. Sometimes, it gets hard to keep the faith.
    I hope there are so more financial people reading your blog who can help you or your misfortune turns around soon.
    Love,
    Rowena

  4. I hope turn around for you soon. Not sure if any encouraging words will help with what you’re going through, but I have faith that things will get better. If not now, then later. But things will turn around..

  5. I’d say something which you may already know, ” All around the world, the fools are always sure and the wise are always confused” because they are constantly searching, learning, cross-linking and referencing and self-evaluating…. This is a stage too and it will pass.. the faster you realise the worth of your won words, the faster the better and even the best would arrive. Good Luck …. :)

  6. Best wishes working through this. I know these sayings can seem trite and hard to hold onto when you are struggling but I find truth in both of them. “It is darkest before the dawn:” (And then the light comes and picks up your spirits and the contrast is amazing.) “When you are going through hell, keep going.” I also feel it is also helpful to create a picture about how things will look when they are better then keep one’s eyes open for those little steps that can be taken to move in that direction. Our own positive actions, create next steps that we can’t yet see when we are overwhelmed. Hang in there!

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