Not all those who wander…

post-39773-Lost-in-Life-People-who-took-a-CV1OIt’s been twelve years since I wrote my first story. Didn’t even have the guts to finish it. I started about ten times more projects than I finished. I gave up, again and again. Some days I just wouldn’t want to write anything. I’d hate it; I’d loathe the fact that I had to edit my stories, that I had to read them aloud and realize they’re not as good as I thought when I wrote them. I’d despise the fact that some days it just didn’t work. The words wouldn’t come.

After I self-published my first novel in January 2011 and sold a grand total of 4 copies I gave up writing. I thought that I would never be good enough. I was quite certain of that actually. I felt lost and alone like I never felt before. Kept wondering… what was going to happen, what was I supposed to do…

I couldn’t stop asking questions, and I sure as hell couldn’t come up with any answers.

One night I decided it was worth another try. I rewrote a scene from my novel and uploaded it on Wattpad, an online community for aspiring writers. People read my story, and they liked it. You don’t really have to believe me, but that was one of the best days of my life.

And more and more people read my stuff.

So I wrote more.

What I’m really trying to say is that I owe it all to you. My readers. To each and every single one of you. Because even though some artists might never admit it, to us it’s all about knowing that our work matters.

My words matter. And that’s my purpose.

So thank you. It’s been an honor to write for you all these years, and it’s the one thing I’m most proud of.

But I don’t know if I could ever appreciate what I do know hadn’t it been for the incredible failure that was my debut novel. And my pathetic attempt at blogging, when I gave up after the first three posts.

Sometimes being lost isn’t a bad thing. After all, it’s actually “feeling” lost, and that’s just an emotion, something that can be defeated. And as long as you keep going, nothing can stop you.


19 thoughts on “Not all those who wander…

  1. Hi…well written…I guess we have all felt this way one time or another…I also know that there are too many philosophers out there who say the same thing. ‘Keep trying’ can be said in so many different ways. Yet it is the one way that matters the most…to say ‘I’ve tried and failed a million times but I won’t stop doing this because my work matters in some way to some person out there.’ Thanks for posting this :)

    Liked by 2 people

  2. im kinda lost a little bit, im writing an autobiography about living with Muscular Dystrophy I have written about half of my life so far. I just hope its good enough. I guess thats the tough thing about being a writer you doubt if your stuff is good enough.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This is a post I needed. I too want to be a write but I feel so good yet. I’ve started many things all I equally loved, got enthusiastic and most bombed when things turned sour real quick. Most of the defeated moments ended most of the projects but every once in awhile someone would bring it up. A long ago post,an article or artwork I did long ago. A tinge of regret would hit for once they do express that they liked it. I knew that I had at least one fan back then, it made me wonder how many I would have had if I continued till now.

    I’ve always believed a passion is something meant to be struggled with. It’s something you love the most and equally hate too but since you are willing to stick it out for the thing you love, we should be the most rewarded in the end.

    I’m going to strive hard for my dream. Thank you for your words of encouragement.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Regret is such a difficult thing to overcome. I spent years hating myself for not being able to finish all the project that started with so much passion and promise. I still struggle to think of myself as a writer and still struggle to finish many things. But I think you’re right, that passion is meant to be struggled with. I need to keep that in mind. Thank you — that’s such a great attitude adjustment.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I am also an aspiring writer. My heart belongs to music(usually just for fun), doing my BA in Applied psychology but most importantly I love writing. I am just so in love with writing and I believe that I can make an impact through my words. This is something which I can never stop doing and I am so glad that I started blogging as well. Sometimes I am not comfortable speaking what I think, so blogging has really helped me so far in these years and I am so happy I read this blog post. You’re simply awesome Cristian!
    Well Done!

    Liked by 1 person

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