Life is pain


“Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.” William Goldman

I’m not a big fan of “positive thinking.” Yes, it’s important that we love ourselves, that we try to see all that is good and worthy of gratitude in us and others. I believe in seeing the light in others and offering them the support they need to better themselves.

But I also know that it is extremely important that we be realistic about what is what and who is who.

Because some people will hurt you. And, yes, it is also important to realize that people are never evil because they want to be so. They act in that certain way because they are hurting. They’ve been hurt and they’re trying to prevent further damage…it is your decision if you want to try to help them or walk away.

It is also important to know that there’s nothing you can do to help you from getting hurt every once in a while.

If you isolate yourself from the world, solitude will slowly eat away your soul. If you act as if you don’t care about anyone or anything, you’ll end up feeling empty on the inside.

Simply put, there’s no way to avoid life.

And life is pain.

But that’s not such a bad thing.

Because every heartbreak, every emotional trauma, every single setback, all of these things can make you stronger and better.

Suffering can teach you a great deal about what it means to be a human being. It can teach you not to take things or people for granted. It can teach you about being strong…

Think about it this way…being strong is not about never falling down, but about getting back up…again and again and again.

I was born weak. A sickly boy, I suffered from social anxiety until my teenage years. Then I did become a bit more excentric then other people, until I got my heart broken; until someone made me hate myself more than I’ve ever done before.

I felt alone in this world. Or perhaps the better word is misunderstood. Yes, I felt that there was a part of me no one could ever understand. I also felt things very deeply… Life was all in the small details…

Things that others would’t care about could either make my day or send me on a self-destructive path.

I felt suicidal a few times. Perhaps the better words are hopeless beyond redemption.

I struggled. A lot. I still do. I still feel inapropriate some times. I still have a part of me that is an emotional wreck. But I also see beauty in the world around me. Enough of it that is worth doing my best to save it. To save myself.

I was lied to, betrayed, abandoned, hated…

And yet…

All this pain, all this suffering…even though it almost broke me, almost turned me into the worst version I could be capable of being, in the end, all it did was make me want to save the world, made me want to spend the rest of my days improving myself and helping others too.

That’s why I write. Why I blog. I try to make sense of my suffering, and hopefully help others understand their own struggles.

Looking back, yes…it kind of makes sense. It kind of…

When I wrote my first novel I wrote the following dedication: To all the people who changed my life. For better or worse.

I suppose, in the end, we have to appreciate the good but also the bad. To struggle through the night if we wish to see the sun rise…

Simply put, living is an art, not a science. It’s brush strokes and music and words flowing endlessly from one row to another to form paragraphs. And art has to mean something. It has to make you feel.

In the end, it’s your choice.

Your life can be a bunch of what ifs or a lot of whys. It can be a great collection of why nots.

The real struggle is in the choice. The real pain. In walking on the street without wishing for someone to hold your hand, in spending time by yourself without feeling bored as hell, in working your ass off every day, trying to better yourself. The pain of choosing to love yourself even though you hate what you see in the mirror. To help the broken even though some of them will try to break you as well.

The pain is in the choice. Your choice. Not anyone else’s. The world around you is simply a reflection of who you are, of your hopes, dreams, expectations, and fears.

You are who you choose to become, even though the world won’t make it easy for you. Not even for a moment.

“You desire to know the art of living, my friend? It is contained in one phrase: make use of suffering.” — Henri-Frédéric Amiel


308 comments on “Life is pain

  1. tjfraser says:

    This is beautiful. Thank you.

  2. Incredible. Just, incredible. Like, crying my eyes out incredible. I may be printing this and putting it up near my bed for motivation.

    And don’t worry, if I do, I’ll credit you :)

  3. jennnanigans says:

    When I was little I was more afraid of the Dread Pirate Roberts than any other villain, because he was being absolutely, brutally honest. It’s one of those life lessons you can’t just pick up, but have to learn yourself.

    And you’re so right, you have to find an outlet for that pain and turmoil. And you have! You expressed this beautifully!

    Please keep doing what you’re doing! You give us all inspiration and hope, not just by your words, but by your actions, too!

  4. aishpandey says:

    But this post makes someone who is happy starting to feel unhappy :/

    • antonialyons says:

      Hi, I understand why anyone would say that, but at the same time happiness is within, it’s a choice we make moment by moment and no one and nothing can take that away.
      What Cristian says here it’s true in a way, especially right now on a global level…these are proper dark times for human beings are going through some sort of purging process! But I’m sure people can see how even family dynamics are shifting and of course this can be motif of great unhappiness. Still it’s a choice and with the right tools you can then direct your attention to joy no matter what’s happening around.
      I feel like this is a great time in history, cause in the midst of so much hardship we can decide every single day what how we want to choose to feel.
      Anyway, I thought it was a very honest post which can make people reflect on how to go through life!

    • True!
      Brings to consciousness somethings one is trying to ignore (in order to be happy) like ‘face it, its not that bad’.
      Great write up though. The writer must have gone through a lot of pain.

  5. SabahBatul. says:

    This post is amazing.I understand every bit of it.I had anxiety problems too when I was a kid.I started to blog to make sense of things too.
    And I have been at bad places in my life.Where the reflection in the mirror was not my favourite thing to look at.And I am at a bad place right now.But I now with God’s grace I will find my way out.It feel like you wrote all that I have been feeling the past few days.Or the past few years of my life.Thank You for that.I am glad I read this!
    Happy blogging:)

  6. Well said. Did you borrow a bit Buddha’s ancient wisdom of “Life is suffering”? You certainly made an eloquent case for his old teachings. Bravo.

  7. Though I’d like to encourage it, spending too much of our energy on our damaged brothers and sisters can do more harm than good.

    He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster
    And if you gaze for long into an abyss
    The abyss gazes also into you -Mark Twain

    Beautiful post Christian

    • Esme Took says:

      Actually, that quote is Friedrich Nietzsche, from Beyond Good and Evil.

      But you’re right, too. Sometimes you have to cut ties and walk away to save yourself.

    • Totally agree – you can only be your own hero, but never be the hero inside other people’s skin; you can only guide, lead by example, never fight others’ battles. I think Christian here doesn’t mean spending his energies on damaged others, but he’s offering his sense of the world to serve-help others, who didn’t make one of their own yet.

  8. Neha Jain says:

    Your post is the best article I have ever read on “how to conquer depression”, even though you so honestly clarify “I’m not a big fan of “positive thinking.” There is no goody-goody mumbo jumbo here, only true heartfelt, honest words. I fully agree with you, “The world around you is simply a reflection of who you are, of your hopes, dreams, expectations, and fears.” This is why when we are happy the world smiles back at us, and when we frown the world frowns back…Loved your post!

  9. This artistic piece touched my heart. It’s awesome, incredible and informative. Message awesomely packaged…thanks for sharing!

  10. Matthias says:

    I’ve tried going down the route of listening to motivitaional speakers, and trying to derive positive thinking from it, to no avail. I think this ‘positive thinking’ lark can for some people, like myself, be me more damaging than good. The more I listen to positive thinking type talks, the more i try to emulate these people who seem to be all about shitting rainbows and riding unicorns, the more I ironically find myself falling into some of the worst times of my depression. It’s too unrealistic, too fake and therefore just becomes depressing.

  11. You’re a fine writer, Cristian. I hope the review I wrote the other day of Jazz (on my blog and on Amazon) helps a bit.

  12. ramexa says:

    Life is incredibly difficult at times. Life knocks us down pretty hard sometimes. But, its our job to get up for another round. Awesome post! :)

  13. vicodar says:

    I like this blog. Inspiring and soul searching!

  14. angelako2468 says:

    Thank you for the article and I hope that you can see my comment. Yay! life is damn hard, I am living in fear, struggle, hopelessness and disappointment somehow. I shall have the persistence and courage to hit the world back!

  15. Anne Skyvington says:

    I think there is a season in every life, and it gets easier as you get older for people like me. If you look at the pain, you will draw it to yourself. Sometimes this is necessary, for a while. Not always or forever. You write well, Cristian.

  16. I didn’t think about pain making me stronger. I suffered a very abusive childhood, bullied at school, at the age of 22 my suppressed trauma and awareness of abuse almost cost me my life with it’s residual affects and sheer weight of it as it took over my body and mind. Not to mention the people who were abusing me at the time, leading to a string of co-dependent relationships filled with one betrayal and heartbreak after another. At a time when I was trying to heal and understand my own painful past, I was being abused in the present, as if life wasn’t hard enough. So it took years to break the cycle, try to heal the present wounds and just over 5 years to begin to be able to readdress the depths of trauma growing up, due to all the surface and more present wounds.

    Trauma sucks. I’m not dealing with it well. I don’t have my footing yet. If anyone wonders about my healing progression or more about what I struggle with, I vlog about it a lot on my channel:

    It’s a sensitive time for me to say the least and I have been trying to think of why it all happened. Looking back it seems like I had more spiritual support from the inside than I ever did from a live human being, which maybe an even bigger discovery than I know. I’ve always tried to find out the “why”, but thinking about life being pain and being able to deal with pain better and pain making us stronger is a powerful message. I am a lot stronger than I was 5 years ago. I understand myself a lot better than 5 years ago. I still have a lot of work to do, and I intend to totally transform and heal more and more, but I am happy that I have so greatly developed to this point as I have.

    Reading your post about pain and strength really impacted me in a positive way. It’s hard to put into words really, it’s more a feeling. I just feel lighter, happier, more purposeful. I feel like I’m put on a road, a meaningful road, a road of dreams and discovery, a road of hope. and I thank you for that.

    I lack confidence in my videos, because I may not talk as smoothly as people would like, but I guess writing is difference. I don’t have to worry about how I look and the hatred I have for my physical self, a self that doesn’t feel like me at all. Writing helps me express things that are from my soul with out physical things getting in the way, it’s a direct connection of energy from one person to another.

    I am pretty angry about youtube, I don’t feel like I’m making a difference or that anyone cares. I’m not getting the feedback I need to understand that what I do makes a difference. However honestly most of my videos I make is for my own personal healing, but still. It’s hard to make videos, explain things and such and feel like no one cares and no one is watching. I’m hurt and angry, I’m discouraged. Somehow I just feel things are easier with writing, and I see writing as important, but I also really want to have a flourishing youtube channel, amoung my anger and pain, there are a lot of things I like about making videos and vlogging. I feel like I’m in the inbetween stages of trying to find out where I fit in the world, and it’s really hard to be here. but I’m looking forward to the day where it’s not an issue anymore and I feel better about things. i don’t intend to stay stuck forever, in any regard.

    • brianbalke says:


      When we turn inwards to do work on ourselves, there’s always listeners. They’re just not people. The work that you are doing is incredibly important – it’s about reorganizing what Jung called the “collective unconscious.” The modality (video or blog) isn’t critical. Don’t lose heart. It’s through tender persistence that we open doors to a future filled with love, and so find purpose and meaning that is clouded by our pain.


      • What a tender and thoughtful response. Thanks Brian.

      • Waw, Brian, you are so right in your advice to Sara – right when I was considering how could I convince her that her work matters, not just for her own self and well-being, but in a larger meaning.

      • blackndarker says:

        @Brian, can you explain what tender persistence is? btw, good response.. are you a therapist?

        • brianbalke says:

          I would take “tender” persistence as a contrast to “pig-headed” persistence. It reflects the understanding that no matter how much good will you bring to the door, you never know how long you’ll have to knock before it opens. There’s also the humbling realization that you may find that you’re standing at the wrong door, so to speak, and not being angry and hostile about it when it fails to open at all.

          Does that help?

          And, no, I’m not a licensed therapist, if that’s what you mean. I have read a fair amount on neurophysiology and psychology, but don’t give a fig about the DSM and medication. I did get a ULA minister’s license recently, and do minister to people through the modality of scriptural exegesis, which often opens doors that therapists are afraid to enter. Most therapists want to retain a certain psychological distance, and the great religious figures trod where angels feared to go.

          • blackndarker says:

            Yes it helps Brian, Thank you. I don’t speak english, but I think what you mean (in my understanding) that a “tender persistence” means that I keep knocking on the doors (gently) even though I knew that it will results in 1.they never open and 2.they will open eventually. And by the door you mean “a pain” or trauma. Is that correct?

      • kayvee1091 says:

        @Brian Just been thinking about your reply and Sarah’s post, and trying to make sense of it. Who do you mean by “listeners” that are always there who aren’t people?

        • Brian Balke says:

          Hello, Kayvee. I’m talking about souls.

          One of the gifts of physicality is that bodies are incredibly dense, and so allow us the opportunity to reorganize spirit. In my experience, physical and psychic pain are often a manifestation of tension in the realm of spirit that focuses itself around us so that it can be relieved.

          Some souls are recognizably human – they are what we call “ghosts.” Others are more abstract – the Biblical Book of Revelation speaks of “peoples, multitudes, nations and languages.” When we get in the way of an argument between such forces, the number of listeners can number in the thousands and millions, if not billions.

          Though that’s just to count the people. There are many simpler souls that we tend to ignore, much to our discomfort.

          • kayvee1091 says:

            So there are souls that are tangible like “ghosts” and there are souls that are abstract. When you talk about souls being abstract, you are saying that as a metaphor? (like when we say that person has a spirit of gratitude– gratitude as being a soul or spirit is like a metaphor) Or sometimes it sounds as if you believe these forces to be alive and having a being: “tension… that focuses itself around us so that it can be relieved.”

            • Brian Balke says:

              A ghost is a soul that has conformed itself to inhabit a body, and been cut adrift from it. “Abstract” souls have not conformed to the constraint of embodiment. All of them are conscious and evolve. To be “alive” as I think of it, however, is to be a soul that is incarnate (in a body).

              I have a fairly clear picture of what spirit is. At, if you click on the “Love Works” item on the header, you can look at the pictures in chapters 4, 10, 11 and 12. A more technical discussion is found through the “New Physics” link.

    • Like Brianbalke here said, all you do does have meaning, only,deeper than you think. I can only promise you, based on my own and others’ experience, that one day will come when you’ll find out.

  17. You know what? I created this blog for the same reason. I want to kind of sort my life and find a sense.
    I’m always saying: In the end everything will make sense!
    Maybe in a few years I will read my blog and see, why I was this lost, why I saw no sense. Maybe I find out, what was absent, that I felt so empty, and see what I shouldn’t let go, because it makes me complete.

  18. Laurie Welch says:

    There is so much truth here. I don’t always see the positive in ‘when bad things happen to good people.’ I often think life is basically a crapshoot and there is so much I am incapable of understanding. But,

    “Simply put, living is an art, not a science. It’s brush strokes and music and words flowing endlessly from one row to another to form paragraphs. And art has to mean something. It has to make you feel.”

    This is very wise. If we turn living, no matter what happens to us, into our art, we have some control in the way we shape it. So thank you very much for this!

  19. nabihacr says:

    Reblogged this on blackverseblog and commented:
    Believe it or not it is the most inspiring post I’ve come across in a long time. Maybe it makes others sad or depressed but it speaks out to me and I just want to read it over and over again. This is absolutely, amazingly beautiful.

  20. Cristian, nicely done piece of writing. I feel you have positive thinking but with an asterisk. That asterisk states that you are aware of the bull**** that can and does happen and you won’t be fooled by it. I think just knowing that, especially for someone so young, speaks volumes about you and your inner force. Although I was a bit troubled by your writings, I was also strengthened by them. The strength came from knowing that someone knows what is going on in this world and vows to keep it from happening to him. Well done. I wish you the best in your writing career. One other note, as an artist myself, I mention that when drawing, one rarely, if ever, draws a straight line! :)

    • Well, the idea is that it’s up to us if the world breaks us or not.

      And, yes, so I’ve been told(about straight lines)

      • Whether the world breaks us or not is the essence of life. How you respond to the positive and negative stimuli is what makes you stronger. Thank you for a timely post. I appreciate what you have written here. One more day of struggle, teaches me to keep moving through the quicksand, before I get sucked under.

  21. gertloveday says:

    I’m with you on the “positive thinking” thing. I just saw an interview with a very old French film director in which he said, “I was born happy. I’m lucky, it’s my temperament.” We’re all born somewhere on the continuum from happy to miserable, and then of course life gets into the act. Yes, you can learn to approach difficulties and manage your own nature better, but it’s a complete fabrication to think that positive thinking is the answer. And as you say and other say above, sadness and suffering should be experienced for what they are, not denied or glossed over.

  22. Great post to explain there will be both joy and sorrow in every life..

    Regards and goodwill blogging.

  23. This is so great. I just started writing for public consumption for the first time…and it’s terrifying! Thank you for sharing your heart, and your pain. You are making a difference…

  24. Steven Capps says:

    Wow, this is incredible. Fantastic post.

  25. abbeyhunziker says:

    Wow! You are a beautiful writer and this is a beautiful post. So glad I found it!

  26. What a beautiful artist you are. This post reads of hours and hours of introspection and contemplation. This post seems like the sum of so many years and yet you express it all so clearly and simply. Wonderful

  27. Reading this is like reading a mirror image of myself when I was younger!

    Such beautiful words!

    I love it!

  28. Inspiring post. Thoroughly enjoyed it. Failure to overcome our childhood anxieties can lead to depression later in our lives. Overcoming adversity and pain DOES make us stronger. Congrats to you.

  29. shravanthiv says:

    This was wonderful to read. Despite it having a dreary appearance you have a certain underlying optimism in your outlook which is beautiful. There were thoughts I related to very well. You really do have a gift of penning your thoughts down in a way that others can empathise and identify themselves despite vast differences in situations which is tremendously consoling. Lovely article.

  30. Wow what a deep way of looking at a complex subject – LOved the final verse of ”The pain is in the choice. Your choice. Not anyone else’s. The world around you is simply a reflection of who you are, of your hopes, dreams, expectations, and fears.” Thats a VERY powerful quote there… and although many people may not like to admit it – completely true. You are your own reality – and in essence its about you and your experiences memories and stories… Great post!

  31. Raney Simmon says:

    Wow, what a wonderful post! I can relate to this on every level. This post definitely touched me to the core.

  32. septembersrose says:

    “Simply put, living is an art, not a science. It’s brush strokes and music and words flowing endlessly from one row to another to form paragraphs. And art has to mean something. It has to make you feel.”

    That’s my favorite part, though all of it resonated with me. What you speak of here is everything I have recently discovered as well. And it’s quite a liberating joy :) thank you for writing it down

  33. Taruna says:

    Such a great post inspiring so many responses.. It’s easy to point out how similar we all are as we identify with your story, with each of us having the same pot of issues and qualities to draw on.. Yet each making our own journeys and choices creating our different lives… The fact that we chose to share, find support and give support is our humanity..
    Great to meet you and your community…( new blogger)

  34. SPREZZATURA says:

    Incredible writing. I hope one day to be able to convey thoughts with such poignant fluidity. Nice work.

  35. “In the end, it’s your choice.” So simple, so apt, so true.

  36. I have found that when you share your words and soul with the world, it helps the healing so much more than any medication or meditation could. So many people have suffered and knowing they are not alone seems to help a great deal. I read your story and felt like you were reading my diary and telling my story. Then, I read the many comments and I knew you have touched many people with your words. Thank you! I look forward to reading more.

  37. This was so phenomenally articulate and true. I’ve come to so many of these same conclusions myself and I’ve often wondered if that made my path unique or if it was all “just part of growing up.” This was so well written and thought-provoking.

  38. mystiqus says:

    Your sharing is heartfelt and I can tell that it comes from a sincere place deep down inside where you are really trying to make sense of your experiences and reach out to others. Truth be told, for the most years of my life, I felt a lot of pain and suffering due to things beyond my control in my family with people I truly cared about who were on alcohol addiction or other forms of abusive behaviour, a string of shitty relationships I was involved in and very low self-esteem in general…I drifted around blaming myself for how things may have been different if maybe I did something different…there was a huge load of guilt and self-remorse and an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach when I got up from bed each morning…I did not want to wake up and face the world…it was agonising…

    However, there came a point in time when a particularly horrendous relationship and a turn of events ..basically one bad thing after another pushed me to the brink of suicide..I felt utterly alone and was crying my heart and lungs out in my room speaking to God or whoever in charge of existence, at that point, something much deeper spoke to my soul that I should stop waiting for things around me to change and just love myself. Period. Just love myself into believing that I deserved better and I was gonna do everything I could with every fibre of my being to bring change into my life. I was not gonna wait for change. I was gonna change for myself. When I decided that in my heart of hearts, my life changed completely. I am a much happier person now… I think its normal for everyone to go through ups and downs , but its a choice to turn every ‘mistake’ or ‘suffering’ into a gain – into something that makes us better people. If anything, it builds empathy for people going through similar experiences. My heart goes out to you when you share about your pain…I hope that you one day realise that life is about abundance and love too and we can really create wonderful experiences for ourselves when we change. I wrote this once to remind myself of that. I’m leaving it here for you and anyone who can relate. Don’t rush understanding anything, it will come naturally and we are all on our own journey here – fundamentally though believe that there is a wonderful reason why we are called to live, even if we don’t fully understand it yet…live by that faith and the reason will make itself known onto you.

    “Because We Can Change”

    When I stopped believing in luck, I was no longer a victim of circumstance

    When I started looking for ways to celebrate each day no matter what happened, I was no longer trapped in my past memories

    When I tried to transform the anger and fear I carried in my heart to acceptance and love, I began to breathe more easily

    When I chose to eat clean, my body began to heal itself

    When I followed my heart, making the right decisions came easily to me

    When I accepted that everyone is on their own path no matter how much I may disagree with them, my own path lit up more clearly for me beneath my feet

    When I gave up dwelling on things I could not change, more things started changing for me

    When I chose to believe that all the right resources will show up for me when I needed them, they did

    When I released the things that I no longer needed in life, I gained the experiences that I desired instead

    When I believed with all my heart that the same force of life, which breathed life into me, was on my side, it empowered and protected me wherever I went.
    When I was no longer ashamed to cry, my spirit was refreshed and cleansed by my tears

    When I laughed at my mistakes instead of condemning myself for them, I learned from my mistakes more quickly

    When I gave up making excuses for not being able to do things I wanted to do, time stood still so that I could pursue them

    When I became selfish enough to be responsible for my own happiness, I stopped blaming the world for my misery

    When I saw the world as an abundant place with a heart of gratitude, it started showing me how it could provide for me in ways I could not necessarily understand.

    When I realised the answer was I, I started to change.

    Huggs ,
    Serene Martin


    Ditto to your cause. Indeed, pain actually brings out the art of living. However, it’s fullest value is defined by how we choose to heal the hurting, broken and those lost and in despair.

    Love your writing. Make no mistake, you are a masterpiece from God.

    May God open up your harvest and have your barrels overflow so that you may reach creation through all ends of the Earth. Blessings, Emma

  40. Excellent work! Beautifully sad! Heart-breaking and yet so close to my heart. It felt like I was reading about myself!

  41. Wonderfully apt dedication …’To all the people who changed my life. For better or worse.’

  42. cote8050 says:

    Wow, your words are so amazing, so profound and right! I know we can learn a lot from our suffering, at least that is what people say and I agree, mostly, but sometimes I wish I could learn about the good stuff in life once in a while! the happy stuff, the love…. much love to you, thank you for posting, I look forward to reading more of your work. Michelle

  43. navilarahman says:

    This is amazing. Too often we hear others telling us to “stay positive!” and “be happy” and that can often be an unhelpful and unrealistic thing to say. Being strong is realising that you have weaknesses, realising that others have weaknesses, and, like you said, being able to appreciate the good and the bad. What you said about “every heartbreak, every emotional trauma, every single setback, all of these things can make you stronger and better” hit the nail on the head with this. I have a page named Be Your Own Celebrity which I am very very humbled that you recently followed, and these are the kings of things I wish to promote also. Thank you for sharing these words. NR

  44. finnwest2015 says:

    Awesome post bro. Glad I found this blog and I look forward to following.

  45. Pink Unicorn says:

    Thank you for this beautiful post. It’s so inspiring. Pain is inevitable. Just breath. ☺️

  46. joyno says:

    Beautiful writing and interesting perspective. For me, this all seems a bit reductionist. Life is not pain. Life is not suffering. Those are temporary state, just as joy and pleasure are. I can completely identify with having s broken heart, with being so sensitive it feels like you have no skin, with feeling as if you’re living in an alien world that is not your own.

    But I also think, as you seem to, that we can find our way, inhabit our space gracefully. The human condition is far too complex and varied to be reduced to one or even a handful of its aspects. That is why art is so powerful: because it reminds us of the infinite variety in life.

    I hope you will contact me about your novel I have some questions for you. All best wishes.

  47. blackbird says:

    Shit doesn’t have to be so bleak, man. Pulling positive lessons out of bad situations is the way to go, but that doesn’t have to be such a painful thing. It can be the best thing, provided you’re audacious and sort of deliberately vulnerable about it rather than reluctant: it’s entirely possible to approach it that way, just goddamn hard. When you fully believe that everything that happens to you is an opportunity to grow if you choose to make it one, no amount of sadness can sink you. And when you believe that for no reason whatsoever except that it’s good for you, nothing can take it away from you. You don’t need to let life define itself for you as pain, you can define life for yourself as whatever you choose. Even hope.
    Peace and love. :)

  48. Nitin says:

    I thought i would not read it completely.. but couldn’t stop .. good work :)

  49. yanahunt says:

    I couldn’t stop reading this. Thank you so much!

  50. It is so very true!! When I went through a tough time in my life and I felt that I was going to break down..there was some reason I went on..someone who kept me going on. There are days when things seem worse, but seeing what I can do and how I can change my life on my own is what makes me go on.

    “If you don’t fight for what you want, don’t cry for what you lost”

    Great writing!! I am sure all of us go through this at some point of time!

  51. Superb!! “Simply put, living is an art, not a science. It’s brush strokes and music and words flowing endlessly from one row to another to form paragraphs. And art has to mean something. It has to make you feel.” Everything you said here is so relevant and I can relate on so many levels. Being human is hard but when looking back the journey, on some days, is well worth the effort.

  52. kzisnbk says:

    There is some evidence that people who are depressed have a more accurate self-image, which is itself, a depressing thought. But I think that this is mostly because we compare ourselves to others, and most people do not want to show the worst parts of themselves. We compare our real selves to fake others.

  53. intraverse1 says:

    Cristian, I sometimes wonder how Stephen Hawking can be as cheerful and productive as he is, let alone not wanting his life to end right now or even many years ago. All of his voluntary muscles are now completely immobilized except for a single, tiny cheek muscle. When that quits (before long, and even though his mind is as sharp as ever), he will be completely cut off from communicating. Completely trapped.

    2,500 years ago, the great Siddhartha Gautama Buddha concluded that life is suffering, and that we should accept that and strive to transcend beyond it to enlightenment. A couple hundred years later, in a land where life was considerably more comfortable, Epicurus developed and practiced and taught his four-part happiness cure:

    Today’s Dalai Lama is one of many Buddhas throughout the ages who has assimilated wisdom gleaned over thousands of years from both East and West. Despite the pain he feels and bears for his people, who invest such poignant hope and dreams in him, he exudes such bountiful joy and irresistible giggles! This 14th Dalai Lama (Tenzin Gyatso) has evidently learned and embodied Epicurus’ timeless lessons, or kindred ones, too. Such simple truths can comfort, energize, and inspire us all. I know they’ve worked extremely well for me; they even seem to be embraced by Stephen Hawking; and perhaps they can also be of value to you and others here, as you — I believe for one — can and will surely gain more and more wisdom, harmony, and fulfillment as you grow.

    :) Zane

  54. I hear you … I have chosen to believe in the power of positive thinking and I recognize its not always going to be a bed of roses. I am a big believer in feeling, owning and dealing with each and every emotion that I come across to the best of my abilities because at the end of the day I am all I have regardless of what people may say.

  55. Lizzurd says:

    I loved every bit of this and the relatability of it made it incredibly inspiring. It’s so raw, so real, so why not…why not make use of our downfalls and suffering only to make a comeback for triumph.

  56. inc says:

    I’ve heard a couple of preached messages on how God can heal/help/restore a person THROUGH brokenness. I believe it. Yes, I too have gone through periods of suicidal thoughts. Ah, the trials of life. But somehow, God shows me in His subtle ways, that life is still worth living. So I trudge on and cling on to the hope that He gives me. A well-written post, my friend. Keep writin’ and sharin’. Enjoy your TGIF day today!

  57. That Girl. says:

    Thank you so much for this one, I am kind of the same, not a positive thinker but also trying to see the good things in life. Life gets messy, people will hurt you but you really have to move on because life is not ending there, it’s moving on in a very very fast motion and you can’t even blink twice and there is a new day and something big’s gonna happen :)
    I found myself in your words, big time.

  58. I completely understand what you’re saying. Thank you for your openness and honesty.

  59. SaviSoul says:

    Beautifully written Cristian. I’ll read your soulful story again. Thank you for showing us “Wanderer Above the Sea of Fog”. It’s hauntingly beautiful, surreal. I can’t draw a straight line either!

  60. Gail Kaufman says:

    I see the value of accepting pain so that you appreciate pleasure. But, I think we also rationalize the value of pain because we feel the need to make sense of it. The only thing worse than pain is senseless pain.

  61. I love the dedication you mention “To all the people who changed my life. For better or worse.” Amen to that.

  62. gspottedpen says:

    There’s the human will to face the angst of life in stoic courage We have to lift up our life even when life lets you down. For a long time I was addicted to quack astrologers, positive thinking and the laws of attraction but all these have not added any positive experience to my life. I turn to Philosophy when I find that life is is crucifying me, Anand Bose from Kerala.

  63. Great Post! Light and Love, Shona

  64. Candace says:

    This is a great post! Yes, I have been hurt and felt misunderstood by people. But that’s life. I try not to live life in isolation because I want to open up to people and live a normal life.

  65. It’s like you said everything I’m thinking and feeling, yet more eloquently. Thank you for this.

  66. Awesome blog and painfully true.

  67. Carl Jung said “There is no coming to consciousness without pain. People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own Soul. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.”

    You do a beautiful job of making this felt. Thank you.

  68. Very honest and beautiful testimonial!

  69. wonderful blog as well beautiful post

  70. akrukovsky says:

    I really like the way you wrote this, and it’s one of the reasons I blog as well. :-)

  71. Lisa Meister says:

    Christian, what you wrote really resonated with me. I really don’t like thinking through the rough being important, too. You did a great job expressing the opposite ends of the spectrums of life. Great job.

  72. I enjoyed discovering your blog and look forward to more beautiful writing. You may be interested in my Journey of Spirit and Healing Blog,, which tells my journey behind the writing of my upcoming novel, Child of Duende. Blessings!

  73. erinonphyre says:

    Beautiful, thank you for this. It resonated with me quite deeply. Looking forward to more of your writing :)

  74. donotdare says:

    Such a great post, very inspiring. I admire your strength to push through pain and turn it into something so powerful like transformation. Thank you for this.

  75. Vernon says:

    Hi Christian,

    Like most people commenting on here I can relate.

    Life is about choosing the healthy was to respond to it.

    It has a natural flow, people get sick, people die, get divorces, lose jobs, and get hooked on drugs.

    I learned to embrace it, the good, the bad and indifference.

    Now I understand all the pain and suffering I had experienced helps me see the beauty in life.

    I still remember the time God told me I’m not a victim but an overcomer.

    Thanks for the reminder.

  76. Joyfull Mom says:

    Thank you for sharing. Pain, no matter how we look at it, is never easy. We can choose how we handle it. You have great insight. Be blessed.

  77. I’m very glad to have discovered your blog. Another learning point for me. I wish you true peace and blessings all your many many days.

  78. We have so many things in common…….

  79. Well written, I loved it. And I agree “Because every heartbreak, every emotional trauma, every single setback, all of these things can make you stronger and better.” xo

  80. ‘Simply put, living is an art, not a science. It’s brush strokes and music and words flowing endlessly from one row to another to form paragraphs.’

    Well said… It gives perspective. Thank you for sharing.

  81. Bob Findlay says:

    Well written. Very objective . Very real.

  82. Susan says:

    Wise words, beautifully expressed. Thanks for sharing.

  83. jksmith21 says:

    I identify so much with this. Thank you for being so honest.

  84. bamser blog says:

    I liked your post, because it’s full of honesty and sad truth of life.

  85. thwacksite says:

    Ok, that was really cathartic to read. Mucho gracias for putting it out there!

  86. Almost too close to home, beautifully put

  87. Miriam says:

    Such a truthful inspiring post. Thank you for being so open and sharing. Many of us can relate to this.

  88. anotherclosethippie says:

    What an insightful post. A way to freedom might be not expecting to be happy all the time :P

  89. Raj Gill says:

    The real truth could not be better than this. Well said.

  90. Well, I have to say my glass is half full. I tend to be a positive person. There are bumps in the road of life however. And that is a realistic take on it. Thanks for the post.

  91. Thank you for this post. I simply agree.

  92. Lisamarie181 says:

    Hello great post. I am a positive person however I also know that sometimes that type of thinking doesn’t work. Life is what it is. What is going to happen will whether we want it or not. Thank you for the post.

  93. gretchenwing says:

    You had me at the Princess Bride quote.

  94. efge63 says:

    Pain is ready, pain is waiting
    Primed to do it’s educating

    DEPECHE MODE, “Dream On”

    Happy to find you! Have a nice day!!!

  95. Life is a classroom, experience is the teacher and we are its students. I really liked this post.

  96. This is truly amazing.. you kinda voiced out what my soul’s screaming… Thank you..

  97. I think you seriously did an amazing job in capturing the thoughts and feelings of so many writers, including me :) Your story’s one of endurance and strength and I find your journey and success inspiring :)

  98. Peter says:

    Well, from personal experience, I hope someday you find that “positive thoughts’ is not a Addict’s drug”, I am a person who walks through this for the most part “ALONE”, I am 58 yrs old, I have no family that has known me for more than a few months that I let talk to me. I have been put in prison, tortured for my beliefs and yet, I still walk through this life with OUT Hate.
    I suffer 24/7/365 physical pain, (tears of pain all day today as I work the internet and my business in a public Cafe), I have Allowed no woman to even talk to me about a Relationship in 11 yrs. Yet several women get advice and support in their life’s from me (abet online).
    I take care of myself, and do not even at the point of facing Death even think of reaching out to people.
    But, I smile, share my lovingkindness energy with anyone (even enemies) and do what I can to make a difference in my life and the lives of others.
    At No Point, Do I Hide from my life,
    amusing example,
    I am in a Mexican town, a pilgrim Site, Yes there is a Spiritual Being Here! There are some of the Highest ratios of BEAUTIFUL women of any place in the world I have been, and one of my personal favorites, French bloodlines……..
    OK, so I have been celibate for 11 years, the coffee shop that I use to do my internet business has at least waitress of French blood.
    I sit where I can see the street traffic and I have to walk back and forth to the Cafe and my home.
    I do not speak Spanish, and am dyslexic, “Stupido Americano” rolls off my tongue easily.
    I now find that across the street is a “Help Wanted graphic person” sign……… I have not ASKED about it till recent days, because I woman who works there is my “personal FAVORITE demon”, celibate and beautiful women equals “demons”……
    I am not lonely, I do write more having few to talk English too. The cafe was shown to me because a waitress spoke English.
    I have myself and my connection to the CREATOR.
    I spent most of my life in abusive relationship or connections, I learned a lot about myself as YOU did.
    So if you do not fear life and you accept that happiness comes from within,
    Life’s troubles will always be around, yes, misery abounds, but an old Taoist saying,

    Nothing last forever.

    May you find strength and continue to write wonder insights into the Human experience.
    Great stuff.
    Lovingkindness energy to You and all your readers.

  99. saab says:

    hopeless beyond redemption- it says it all…. This is the place I am at now. Hopeless beyond redemption.

  100. I just had to reblog this. Life’s included quite a bit of pain lately, and you’ve put words to my roller coaster more eloquently than I could manage this morning. Thank you.

  101. PatriseArts says:

    i think it is the real alchemy, the transmutation of suffering. a very difficult trick indeed.

    During my years of Tibetan buddhist study I wanted to break something every time I heard the first noble truth: The Truth of Suffering.

    Suffering is. period. When I began, I thought that meditation was dissociation – something that trauma survivors are pretty good at. Haha, the joke was on me!

    The Dalai Lama has said the world will not be at peace until each one of us can be at peace with ourselves. How true this is proven to be, in my life.

    anyway, thank you for a very timely essay today.


  102. sallysuccess says:

    Yes, life is pain. Life is also pain, but not only pain.

  103. I came across this exactly when I needed it – and I was a little shocked by the appropriateness (I hope that is a word!) of it! A very honest and open post. Thank you for the message.

  104. theafsite says:

    I can feel everything right here… wow…

  105. mistermuse says:

    Wise words from one so young. Love the Wm. Goldman quote, too.

  106. The Duke of Marlbourghy says:

    Excellent words good sir.

  107. I appreciate you for being so honest. We will always encounter pain in our lives, but at the end of the day it is all our choice if we want to smile or frown.

  108. Suaylia says:

    I think often time suffering or rather pain is the best teacher we can ever have.
    It force us to go either one step forward or two steps back.

  109. gaudimonium says:

    What an honest and profound post. Thank you for sharing.

  110. I think if there no pain then we can’t understood the joy of life also. A great post . Thanks.

  111. Life is constantly knocking us down, it is our choice to get back up and learn from it or to stay down. This is a wonderful message. Thank you for sharing.

  112. Wivesrepublic says:

    Honesty in its raw state.

    I brought Sunshine. I have nominated you for the Sunshine Bloggers Award. You are under no Obligation to accept, It’s just to show I cherish your writings . You can refer to ‘SUNSHINE OVERDOSE’ in my blog.

  113. Thank you for writing this. I feel like I am reading about my son when I read about your past life. He is still struggling….
    and sometimes I run out of encouraging positive words. So the quote you have posted is poignant and thought-provoking. Make use of the suffering.
    Thank you once again. It was serendipitous that I read your post today.

  114. MySestina says:

    couldn’t be right any more than this…

  115. Wow, Loved reading it.

  116. What a blessing it was to read your post. I truly appreciate the honesty. Such a help to so many.

  117. Thank you for writing …its really a pain to live ..and your writing is exactly what I am living..hope there will a day I will choose to accept the pain…

  118. Beautifully written. Heartbreaking but honest. Thanks for sharing.

  119. Sita Devi says:

    This spoke to me on a very deep level. A part of me doesn’t want to accept it and the other part of me does.
    Thank you for sharing this.

  120. caesar1995 says:

    Thank you so much for bravely writing about this. I appreciate it a lot.

  121. When I read this post, I can sense your emotions and how you can feel yourself. Sometimes is hard to stay positive and I think that also melancony is helpful. I’m the first that try to console the others when they are unhappy and say “ehy! Stay up!” but sometimes you know you have to stay with your emotions even if they are bad. We are humans and what distinguish us from animals are feelings.

  122. I like this line: “The world around you is simply a reflection of who you are, of your hopes, dreams, expectations, and fears.”
    It may be that those who say ‘life is pain’ attract pain to themselves.
    To say ‘life is good’ may attract a different experience.
    Just saying.

  123. Hits the nail on the head. Make use of suffering, great advice, an essentially Buddhist standpoint. Will follow, thanks for following mine too.

  124. You are an inspiration.

  125. Alyssa says:

    I very much agree with this mentality; continuous positivity does nothing to encourage growth and learning; making use of heartbreak and pain does a lot to make us stronger and help us learn to be better people. Well said. Thank you for sharing.

  126. Wendy says:

    As the saying goes “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” – Unless you experience pain, you don’t appreciate the pleasure. Every experience is an opportunity to learn something new about life and ourselves and sometimes when we experience something horrible, it helps us to recognise what it is we really want in our lives. Thanks for sharing..

  127. You are who you choose to become, even though the world won’t make it easy for you. Not even for a moment.

    What a talent and love this piece sir!

  128. egbertstarr says:

    Passion, suffering, experience…same root, same thing.

  129. Innervoice says:

    Awesome post! Thank you for sharing!

  130. moxyfox says:

    I enjoyed reading this! I think we are kindred spirits you and I? Or both Cenobites…either way, two peas in a Hellraiser movie. I look forward to more of your posts! :)

  131. This field was intentionally left blank says:

    What a beautiful post! Lots of wisdom :)

  132. Hristo Hvoynev says:

    Thank you for this article! Thnk you for giving us courage and lifting the spirits!

  133. cheryl59c says:

    If it’s any help to you Christian I am working on choosing what God says about me in His word to replace all the negative stuff I’ve believed. You are beautiful in His sight!

  134. MewsOfTheMuse says:

    This is really nice and I do agree

  135. tbymallano says:

    I love the honesty of this article. Sometimes something beautiful grows out of sadness and depression. It is either learning more about yourself and becoming a better person!
    Cheers to you.

  136. zettesworld says:

    This was beautiful. I’ve seen darkness first hand- one to many times- and in many ways that’s why I started my blog as well. This was a real inspiration. Thank you for sharing

  137. Terry Lewis says:

    Love that line “to struggle through the night if we wish to see the sun rise”. Well said

  138. honestabbysite says:

    I really love this and can absolutely relate. Especially when you mentioned why you write and why you blog. I started my blog for similar reasons. I struggle daily with a list of mental disorders and people around me who just want to tear me down. However, I have learned so much about what I am capable of and how strong I can really be. Honestly, getting back up when I constantly fall again and again and again sucks and it’s painful, but every time I come out feeling more passionate about helping those around me. Beautiful work. Thank you for sharing.

  139. Wow. Sometimes you read something like this that makes you feel connected to the writer; Experiences that are usually hidden, makes you dread depression and also gives you hope that there is a cure for its horrendous memories.

  140. I agree and I do not agree. If I’d be currently in pain, I would definitely agree entirely. When in pain, just please let not anybody come near me and try to esoteric-sweet talk me out of it. Though, admittedly it works to a certain extent – it makes me so angry, pain then takes the backseat.
    But right now, I cannot agree.That would mean (for me) to feed this Moloch a whole life. No way.
    Because it even may not be pain itself that needs to be battled with, but the conclusions we come to because of it.

  141. Charles says:

    The first Noble Truth in Buddhism is to accept one’s mortality. Mind you, until you are faced with your own mortality, you really don’t know what you’re going to do, we think we do, but we don’t. I can assure you, when that happens, we see the world with a whole new set of eyes,

    I titled my blog “The Vale of Soul-making” for a reason. It is an ideology of John Keats in a letter to his brother as he lay dying that he believed his suffering, that all suffering, is in effect how we how our souls. And that if we didn’t–suffer–we would be soulless.

    I thought it fitting, since I am exploring my own mortality through literature & poetry in search of some kind of spirituality, that is to say–I’m trying to make sense of my life and the reasons thereof.

    Nevertheless, the Human Condition–is–to suffer. Whether it was a curse upon us by a higher being or not I choose to believe that is simply the way it is. We can’t help but stub our toe occasionally, and there is always someone worse off than us.

    I have spent hours at Cancer centers, and it has never ceased to amaze me, regardless of age, what we will put ourselves through to live, rather than to to that “Next Place.”

    Therein lies the mystery to life, and without that mystery, would life be worth living, despite our suffering? I doubt it. Because when you face your own mortality, much less accept it, the colors are so much brighter than they were before.


  142. A brave post, with wisdom to spare. as I read it, I knew you’d become a writer – many writers experienced great illness, social isolation, pain, etc. and used it to inspire and fuel their books. Flowers blossoming from the place of the wound. I’ve also learned, from my own life, that isolation forces us to listen more and talk less. Not a bad thing.

    • Listen more, and talk less… Indeed. Something I kind of forgot in the past couple of years. How to listen to people, in such a way as to learn something new. Nowadays I kind of talk to much and say too little.

  143. I saw your blog. Each of your writing is very good.

  144. chanelle3 says:

    I needed to read this today. Lovely post. We have a lot in common! In my first poetry book I wrote ‘for those who believe they are alone’.

  145. Myles Butler says:

    Great message. I love the idea of proactively choosing whether to view pain as a negative or as a building block for future happiness.

  146. Very well written, truly depicting our society.

  147. Karandi says:

    Great use of the quote from The Princess Bride and a very positive message.

  148. Everything you say in your post is true. Struggling with depression I am sure is devastating. We all or most of us, with ourselves, but, as you get older (I am pushing 73,) it’s gets easier. I have had many struggles, heartbreaks, etc. and I am still here writing. I too can only draw stick people :o), but would love to have the talent to paint pictures. The art of writing is also a wonderful gift, and you have been blessed with it. Keep on keeping on.

  149. I am sad but happy! Life is beautiful though :) Continue what makes you happy christian!

  150. Andy Smart says:

    HI there and thanks for such a reflective post > The world around you is simply a reflection of who you are > for sure. One situation can be perceived in an entirely different way from one person to the next depending on their own projection of self.

    BTW you said you suffered from SA when you were a child implying that you dont any more. I still do and wondered if you could give me some advice.

    A big also is who did your header pic of the crying woman? Awesome!

  151. Wow, powerful. I am an optimist and am thankful for the life I have. Although I have had painful times and moments i my life, I use them to remind myself how lucky and grateful I am when things are going well. Thank you for your honest expression. We all experience life a bit differently.

  152. This is a beautiful and honest portrayal. And, even though you say you are not a big fan of “positive thinking” your positive take on the craft of life shines through. Thank you :)

  153. I totally do relate to this … Pain makes us closer to reality & head strong

  154. Inese Poga Art plus Life says:

    I can 100% relate to everything you wrote about in this post.

  155. sweetshammah says:

    “I felt alone in this world. Or perhaps the better word is misunderstood. Yes, I felt that there was a part of me no one could ever understand. I also felt things very deeply… Life was all in the small details…

    Things that others would’t care about could either make my day or send me on a self-destructive path.

    I felt suicidal a few times. Perhaps the better words are hopeless beyond redemption.

    I struggled. A lot. I still do. I still feel inapropriate some times. I still have a part of me that is an emotional wreck. But I also see beauty in the world around me. Enough of it that is worth doing my best to save it. To save myself.”

    THIS. Exactly how I felt and feeling again after so many years. :) Do you also have those really deep deep moments of sadness that just comes out of nowhere. You just suddenly feel it and sometimes it gets so heavy I just cry. I don’t even know why I’m crying anymore. Sometimes I wonder if the tears I cry are the tears that some people, somewhere in the World couldn’t cry out and found its way to me.

  156. ‘Life is Pain’ a very powerful title. Another view point on ‘positive thinking’ is not the concept you mentioned of unicorns and butterflies and your world becoming a happy place. Rather ‘positive thinking’ is in my view and through my journey will illness and working with cancer patients, that you can have pain and suffering or you can just have pain. Meaning, pain will be there, and it sucks, the suffering is in your mind. Positive thinking isn’t magic or rainbows, it is pausing, saying this sucks, looking around and thinking BUT I can handle it. I am stronger than I think I am. Positive thinking is a great tool that I have learned to help myself and others when dealing with pain and mental health. It is not ignoring that there is pain or that you are hurt or suffering, rather realizing that you get to choose the story you tell yourself. You can have pain and suffering or just pain. Your choose the story you tell yourself, why not replace negative with positive, even if its just I am strong enough to handle this right here, right now.
    Another view point that helps some people.
    Check out MBSR OR MBCR great resources.
    Thanks for sharing your story

  157. mylife1987blog says:

    Really well said and yes we cannot avoid negativity but we must embrace everything and move forward and learn from all :)

  158. A beautiful write and read. So often we get lost in negativity that we let the suffering take over. Instead of being able to accept the suffering, learn our lessons and move on, we despair in it.

    Due to the nature of human society, we cannot fully avoid negativity. But we can do our best to embrace it with an open heart and try and turn it into something positive no doubt.

  159. vikkypathak5 says:

    In the end its all about choice,,,you made…you will make….and thats the toughest part.

  160. astridswords says:

    Positive thinking is definitely not just the ability to say that everything is good. It is more the ability to recognize reality and enjoy the lessons we are being offered in each situation.

  161. Interesting post which I can relate to! Acceptance of suffering, pain etc. can let us go of it. That’s one of the core insights of Buddha.

  162. Sarah Lea Stories says:

    Truth. And to be honest, if we tried to be happy all the time or tried to avoid pain all the time, we would acutally be less happy, because such is unattainable. Sometimes it’s okay to not be okay.

  163. Joel F says:

    Painful to read yet so truthful. Thank you for this beautiful writing, made me smile.

  164. cireyaj15 says:

    Such a beautifully knitted piece Cristian. Somehow I’m feeling those too.

  165. jennijen22 says:

    This is very inspirational! But at the same time, it makes me scared. When I was little, I used to this that the world is a beautiful place filled with hope and joy and as I grow older, I realize that it is not. Sometimes I wish I could be little forever :/

  166. Hi Hun. Thanks for this, I think that suffering are inevitable, but I think that we can use it to strengthen ourselves and others. Otherwise where would we be. I am a bit more cynical. I believe that people are evil when they do evil things. It’s not a mistake,but a calculated choice; just as it’s a calculated choice to be kind in the face of evil. Thanks.

  167. Great post. Pain sucks, but sometimes pain is what motivates me to do things that will make my life better. I believe that pain can be something you can learn from…just as long as you don’t stay with that pain forever. I learned a lot, for example, through a serious depression that struck me a few years ago. However, it’s important to find help and to try to make yourself healthy again.

  168. vellissima says:

    Thank you for such a lovely and honest post. One of the best things about blogging and reading blogs is finding that others suffer the way you do, and learning how to deal with it. And also learning how to find more joy in the world.
    I still feel misunderstood and inappropriate, and expect that at any time those who love me will get tired of my BS and give up on me. It really doesn’t end-the suffering that has been planted needs to be regularly pruned to keep it in check. At the same time, I DO have friends and loved ones, some who are really quite lovely, some who are a struggle themselves. It really is all about picking yourself up and trying to trust again, and definitely trying to be a better person, one who can be trusted.

  169. It’s not easy being treated badly, but it certainly makes you stronger. :)

  170. My heart resonates with everything you expressed in this blog posting. You aren’t alone, many of us suffer in the same way…who can know the depths of our pain. We go about our busy lives, sometimes crying out in our minds, with pain pulsing with each heartbeat…who cares?

  171. In response to some of the other comments. I don’t believe we are inherently good or evil, but have the capacity for both. We must fight against the evil lurking in our hearts and constantly pursue the light. Sometimes I feel that no person cares, but I know without any doubt that our Father in heaven cares and loves me, and that is what keeps me alive and loving other people.

  172. This is me. Well in a lot of ways, except I loved interacting with people as a kid but then I became really self-conscious by middle school and I turned a 180 becoming very introverted. Life is definitely pain but that type of pain is open for growth. I loved this post.

  173. God Bless you my friend. I am confident that the Lord has great plan for you that he will help you out in everything you do for him. Amen.

  174. Living is definitely an art. That is gonna be my new motto. Thanks. I appreciate you allowing us to see your vulnerability. It is definitely a gift.

  175. sandrafingerut says:

    Dumbledore summed it up in The Deathly Hallows part 2. “Don’t pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living.”

  176. heyitsemaan says:

    This is really well-written and I find this very relatable.

  177. johnjvinacci says:

    “Your life can be a bunch of what ifs or a lot of whys. It can be a great collection of why nots.” Can I tweet that? It’s great!

  178. This post was so worth reading!!!!! It’s really touching because it reminds me of some of the emotional battles I’ve had to overcome. Thank you for sharing.

  179. You’ve captured it exactly. Without pain, we would not grow spiritually stronger. Life is supposed to be hard enough to do that. Life’s a game and if its so easy to play then what would be the point?! Wow, great writing. Vulnerability is so powerful to get our message across.

  180. Athena says:

    “Simply put, living is an art, not a science”
    Deep. When I saw the title I thought “I know I am going to disagree on this one”.. but you have just put some of the biggest facts about life into beautiful words.

  181. I am certainly no fan of positive thinking, and accepting life is not a bowl of cherries for me is the closest we get to an epiphany. Pain is life and is part of the alive process, but selling false notions of positivity is more of a pain and far crueller. Positivity alone is not cure all and only makes the plain reality appear more grim. I wish people wouldn’t prolong the agony, and just accept that life can and will suck and so what! Love yourself by all means, and in that focus on what is real for you; rather than what they tell you should be real.

  182. Very balanced thinking ! Love your blog!

  183. Love the realness and the honesty. We need more of those people in the world.

  184. VE says:

    Such a great writing. The line where you mentioned that you are not a fan of positive thinking triggered it all. Life is full of choices, how we perceive it is in our hands and it’s easy to slip away. I have this feeling too that no one understand me well and at times I also thing that what if I am wrong. However it takes a lot to change that thought. Life still moves on. you have shown a balance in thinking and how life could be a pain, yet that does not stop you from living.

  185. Tallis Shivantar says:

    I totally agree with you: life IS pain. If you turn away from pain, you’re not living. But the flip side of the coin is equally beautiful and poignant (and I thought it should be pronounced here too!): LIFE IS LOVE.
    Yes, this is almost a cliché. What most people don’t realise, though, is that in order to fully embrace love as well as GIVE love, you must also fully embrace pain and ACCEPT pain in equal measure…

  186. boomergirl47 says:

    Your words touched me. Lovely gift you have.

  187. Pep Grenade says:

    I love the honesty in your writing. Nice work!

  188. Simply amazing. You’re very wise. I’m glad people like you exist. Have a great day!

  189. Crystal says:

    This was beautiful. Thank you for writing, being so open and personal, and sharing your advice with the world. It definitely helped me and I’m sure others too.

  190. Love the raw honesty dude, keep doing what you’re doing. People like you and words like this are infinitely important!

  191. Powerfully expressed. I can relate to some of what you say, to a lesser degree.
    My compliments on your courage, and your fortitude.

  192. Suffering is a doorway to freedom, because it gives you the opportunity to let go and see beyond to something deeper.
    Beautiful write!

  193. Very Interesting post, Thanks for sharing.

  194. 10000 posts says:

    Wow. Just wow. I’m awestruck.

    Pain is subjective. Suffering is subjective. And yet, those are the soils, seeds, and water for the plant of change to grow.

    Well written, Cristian.

  195. A profound and moving post. <3

  196. I really like how you said, “I suppose, in the end, we have to appreciate the good but also the bad. To struggle through the night if we wish to see the sun rise…

    Simply put, living is an art, not a science. It’s brush strokes and music and words flowing endlessly from one row to another to form paragraphs. And art has to mean something. It has to make you feel.”

    Beautifully written and thoughtful. Thank you.

  197. Francis says:

    What you write is so true. I’m just hitting a bad patch in my life and your words gave me real comfort.

  198. I read this and felt like someone stole a few pages of my life. It was exactly the feelings I felt & feel in different junctures of life. It’s not about a bad patch, some terrible phase, it is life in general – for better or worse…

  199. Zunder Lekshmanan says:

    Very nicely written. However I am reminded of Murakami’s quote “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional”

  200. Pitboss14 says:

    It all sounds nice Cristian, but what of us who have not suffered or been anxious in out lives?

    Those for whom there has been work and success and happiness and ease? For some, things come quite easy in life. Those who were born lovely, who have natural abilities, who were parented well and nurtured.

    May I argue life is not perhaps pain for these? Suffering only comes in forms which are self imposed in order to acheive a higher goal.

    It may be artful to write of your struglea being alone without boredom and holding no ones hand on your walks, but for many of us this comea quite natural and easy.

    Life is just life. Good, great, bad, awful, pain, pleasure, suffering and ease.

    They flow together as the seas.

    This is the perspective of another. And perhaps one who does see value in positivity.

    Thanks for your writing.

  201. Great post! I love your blog so much that I have nominated you for the Sunshine Blogger Award! Go check it out:)

  202. Pedro Stanzani says:


    Right now only one word comes to mind, and it is “EXTRAORDINARY.” This post reflects the reality of life in such an intelligent way, and I couldn’t agree more on your point: suffering, even though misunderstood, is what makes us strong in life. Congrats! Keep on writing.

    -Pedro Stanzani.

  203. Lynette says:

    Wow Christian – right into my heart. You have captured so much, real, true. No self-pity, no excuses, no blame. Pain, growth, life. Thank you for this….

  204. Megha says:

    You truly inspired me with these words. Life is all about appreciating the good and the bad.

  205. missmonsoon says:

    Very Beautiful indeed :)

  206. Wonderful way to put it.


  207. January Dela Cruz says:

    Real and beautiful. Only through pain do we really see the importance and power of happiness. Life is not truly felt and fully lived without having experienced the entire spectrum of emotions.

  208. This wonderful piece reminds me of a line from my favorite Bob Dylan song, Not Dark Yet, Time Out of Mind (1997): “Behind every beautiful thing there’s been some kind of pain.”

  209. iyliakamal88 says:

    To live is to suffer. No truer words were ever put together. Some say live life with passion. Ironically, the word passion comes from the Latin word pati…which means ‘suffer’.

    Thank you for this real heartfelt post. I wish you good luck and all the very best in everything. Stay real. Stay beautiful.

  210. EBuilder says:

    Worth pondering on! I’m no positive-thinking fan myself. I’m always just thinking….Anyway, thanks. :D

  211. letsgetreal2016 says:

    I wasn’t born with a physical weakness but I’m autistic. Many to most artistic’s experience a great deal of abuse teasing bullying etc. that is what made my life painful not the autism. I’m also a painter and artist. my life. is much better now due to my strong personal faith in Jesus Christ

  212. dimphokay says:

    this is beautiful

  213. Inspired by these words in such a way i can see through them as i can see right deep inside me as they form a rock HOPE within the me.

    Thank you and i say again thank you from life itself. :) :)

  214. exolady says:

    so deep, inside and outside.

  215. Wings to Fly says:

    Perfectly written ! I think anyone can easily connect to ‘the pain’ you are referring to in this blog entry. Inspiring!

  216. I have been through a lot of pain and I have to admit that it took me some time to understand that life is indeed a pain, but I still rejoice in the reality that we’re not helpless.

  217. Reaver says:

    How could it not? people in general go on chasing fantasies to avoid facing reality. The ultimate drug of the 20th century? Happiness. To whom do people can turn for advice? more broken people who pretend everything is fine as it is.

    As Erich Fromm put it in one of his books:

    “The sick individual finds himself at home with all other similarly sick individuals. The whole culture is geared to this kind of pathology. The result is that the average individual does not experience the separateness and isolation the fully schizophrenic person feels. He feels at ease among those who suffer from the same deformation; in fact, it is the fully sane person who feels isolated in the insane society — and he may suffer so much from the incapacity to communicate that it is he who may become psychotic.”

    The again, people could choose to remain victims and suffer more while wondering why their life is such a mess or they could come to the realization that no one else is going to pull them out from whatever inner hell hole they find themselves in. Those with enough intelligence will see how the adversity in life can be capitalised on. Adversity is like a whetstone for our consciousness, eventually one finds out that a lot of the adverse situations out there are created because of our erroneous perceptions about ourselves. The more we avoid looking at the mirror, the more we seek to escape pain, the worse it gets.

  218. france55 says:

    you say ;”You are who you choose to become, even though the world won’t make it easy for you.” so so true… i choose positive thinking .. I choose to see the positive in everything even in sickness. take care.

  219. I came across this piece again today and it is so beautifully put. It very much reflects my own experience of how the most painful episodes in your life are invariably the most valuable, the most forming, they have the most gold to give to fill in the cracked places. I really enjoyed reading this again. I hope you won’t mind me sharing.

  220. paintdigi says:

    Good posts, beautiful blog.
    Welcome to see my creations:

  221. hawkeyeomaha says:

    You have the right idea, but learning to live with life’s pain and promote within a realistic positive view of life (“all things work for good” or “to everything there is a season and a time to every purpose . . .”) -Note, I am Christian, not trying to force it down your throat- you start to become more loving and lovable. It most likely won’t make you rich, but people will accept and receive you more easily. I’m a difficult person, its surprising what “change” can even do in a person with a “personality disorder”.

  222. Rowena says:

    Christian, I get what you mean about not being a fan of positive thinking because it can be very over-the-top and can actually become negative and painful by default. This is a really moving and heartfelt insight into suffering which is much appreciated.
    I am currently watching the Paralympics and am finding the athletes so inspiring. Not just because of the disabilities they have overcome but their good character. They’re such beautiful people…at least the ones I’ve heard interviewed are. I am over nasty people.
    xx Rowena

  223. Ayani says:

    Enjoyed your post very much! Thank you for your insight on the choice of tolerating pain and suffering!


  224. Cristian, beautifully written…I swear you know me all too well…and many others, I suspect…only I’m not sure it’s made me stronger, feeling the kicked-when-I’m-down thing right now…but your words have given me some hope that I can find a way through my current angst to the light on the other side…namaste

  225. phreshid says:

    Thanks for this. It was a good reminder for me, especially right now.

  226. DreamingBooks says:

    Life is about reality, and reality is never going to be perfect. Stay flexible to the changes and remember. Not matter what, you are appreciated and loved. Even if you don’t see it. -hugs-

  227. Poonam says:

    This Post is too good. You nailed it..

  228. I think this is the best article i have ever come across on the reality of life….no matter how much we try to make us understand that life is how we view it but actually there is no way to escape the sufferings and obstacles,they will certainly come to make us stronger and better!!!
    You are simply awesome and i think no one can deny what you write!!!

  229. ArtIs3Dots says:

    I give happiness for a smile . :)

  230. ~~ emzlee :) says:

    What a good read you have here!!! :) Life is indeed full of pain. But enduring it, and using that pain to continue living is what makes it worthwhile.

  231. I spend many days alone wandering. Looking for something that I cannot find. Longing for something I cannot desire. I keep moving forward because I still have that hope that everything will be put back in order and I will find the peace.

    • hawkeyeomaha says:

      You’re looking for what you can’t find, longing for something you can’t desire and moving forward in hopes that order will return and grant you peace. Is that the truth or is it that you don’t want what will give you desire, order and peace? Why wander? The answer is not blowing in the wind, but is right where you are and most likely right in front of your nose. Could it be that it actually would cost you everything?

  232. sja316 says:

    Nice post. May Jesus be with you! Blessings.

  233. Daal says:

    Cristian, wisely written! yes, everyone experiences pain – rather than experiencing ‘positive thinking’ as denial, we can positively take steps to learn from our painful experiences.

    as for the cruelty of others, I believe that mean people are in the minority. however, people often put their needs first. this is what we must try to stay aware of.

  234. fefehpg says:

    This really speaks to me, like a punch in the gut but also reassurance that I’m not the only one who feels this way, that it’s normal, that I can make it better. Thanks for writing this!

  235. Agreed. Life is pain. We reincarnate in order to suffer on earth. We suffer because we need to learn lessons and grow. I’m grateful for my lessons and all the pain.

  236. firewater65 says:

    Wonderful write. Life is about feeling, and pain is necessary to understand its opposite feeling. There is something to the ‘suffering artist’ motif. I was much more creative when I was miserable, but I wouldn’t trade the happiness I feel now to be more creative.

  237. This is so beautiful. It really spoke to me and I could truly relate. It’s taken some years to learn that hurt is part of life and that I’ll get through it one step at a time. Thank you for sharing!

  238. Decker says:

    Wonderfully written, honest and thought provoking. Thank you

  239. tMingx says:

    amazing post friend. Your words gave me a form of perspective I failed to see from. Inspiring.

  240. Blossom says:

    Brave and genuine, thank you for sharing your words.

  241. khayceelyn says:

    Pain, it’s just a temporary feelings. Everything we feel has ending. It molds us to be a better person for tomorrow and leave the aches yesterday. We are here in this universe to celebrate ourselves! (involve our inner self) Experience the happiness & sadness.

    Pain will direct us to transform ourselves to a dff person (good results)

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts christian :) looking forward for more inspiring words/messages. have a good one loves <3 :)

  242. I experienced so much pain, surely, my hub passed away when our son was just 5 years old back then…too much pain I had back then..

  243. Not From Your Average Joe says:


  244. toseealife says:

    You have some powerful words here, and for the most part I agree whole heartedly. I’ve had to come to terms with pain in a really similar way. But in the end, I don’t believe we suffer alone. I like the quote from the Princess Bride, but I always think Wesley didn’t really mean that, that he lived because of true love, and that is more than just pain. This post shows real maturity, but I believe there is still more, once we grow more. (I can’t even say if I’m there, but I see it ahead, so to speak.) Anyway, it’s great that people are inspired by this, that’s every writer’s dream.

  245. eyeban cafe says:

    Pain really hurts but if you start to explore you pain, you start to understand yourself and you become the strongest man ever existing.

  246. Jd says:

    I really got touched reading this. Thanks for sharing your story, I completely relate it.

  247. -D. Edwards says:

    Beautifully expressed. Like yourself I have a way with conveying my pain/emotions through words. When dealing with anxiety its seems a very lonely road however, this is not the case. Thank you for sharing.

  248. jayteeclark says:

    Completely relate with this post you’ve written, especially now. Thank you. It is beautiful.

  249. KanCellall says:

    Really nice indeed, I like how you blog things. I hope I could be as better as you in the future :)

  250. BRE says:

    Beautiful. Usually I feel apprehensive when people say that trauma or hardships only make you stronger, since it only made me feel more vulnerable. But you explained it in a way that I can actually relate to the saying. Thank you.

  251. tengkuputeh says:

    Perhaps, it is important to believe that all life choices are real, all paths are true, they can be anything and as meaningful. You know people say, everything can be fixed in the end, though bad. Hope, our prayer as a human to the Ruler of Destiny is Khusnul Khatimah (Good End).

  252. lifewritez says:

    Beautifully Brilliant. Thank you!

  253. This is beyond moving, it is nice to know that everyone struggles and overall that we can overcome them with time. Life isn’t easy but we are only human right?

  254. ..’hopeless beyond redemption”; still live is an art and getting up gain and again; great determination to overcome pains..
    ..Any doubt that life is a nice collection of sufferings?.

  255. I feel so blessed to read this…this writing is so good, totally sensitive and touching !

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