“Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage, against the dying of the light.” – Dylan Thomas
The say there’s one lesson of importance that life keep trying to teach us: letting go. Accepting whatever happened and moving on. Understanding that it is futile to fight back fate, destiny, or the will of the gods.
That, I’m afraid, is a lesson in humility that I never learned. And I think that I learned a different lesson altogether. That of holding on. Of being brave in the face of adversity, of being bold and persistent. Of forging your own destiny.
Being born on Christmas Day I’ve always thought that I was meant to change something. That I was meant to get everything that I wanted, no matter what. And I have always been willing to fight.
You see, there’s just one moment in a man’s life when he understands he is utterly and inconsolably alone: when he has to fight against everyone in order to get what he wants most.
I don’t know that shouting into the void, trying to find answers to questions that no one ever bothered to ask, or simply getting out of bed when you don’t want to wake up builds up a man. Or destroys his soul completely.
But I can tell you this. Letting go is easy. Accepting that you just hit a wall and turning back is easy. Giving up on people when they need you the most is easy. To accept a life you’re not happy about and to call yourself a realist is easy.
But holding on, when everyone around you tells you to let go, that is almost impossible. Holding on when all you want to do is to let go, when all you have left is pain and bitterness and frustration welling up inside your soul… that is difficult.
This is not about control. It’s not about what we can or cannot control.
It’s about determination and passion and desire. It’s about dreams and about holding on to those dreams. It’s about “in spite.”
All I want is to write. Because it makes me happy. Because it satisfies my desire for more. Because I feel that I am changing something in others. Because I can hope. And because I’m only as strong as the things I hope for.
This dream is slowly dying. But I won’t give up. No.
I will fight.
The surgery I had Monday only solved part of the problem. There’s still a lot of “work” to be done.
I need funds so I can fix my health, so ai can keep writing and blogging. So I can eat proper food. So I can pursue my dreams.
It’s that simple, and that difficult.
I need your help. I can’t do this without your help…
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