Rime of the Alphabet

Listen, words have become more than a passion for me. Back in November twenty ought sixteen, I started tutoring Chinese kids in the rigidly promiscuous tongue we call English. I always knew that the language was temperamental, but now I have first-hand experience with the treachery of this tyrannical verbal transmission medium.

I’ve since learned that, even with only 26 letters, this diabolical series of tones we make with our face holes, produces 44 distinct sounds. Indeed, that is a 70% increase in the number of sounds one would expect to hear from speech composed of phonemes.

This would be something like going to a restaurant, ordering a cheeseburger, fries, coke and a bowl of ice cream for dessert, getting charged for the food items AND the flavor combinations they make. For example,

*man at register paying for food*

“CSS trio? I didn’t order that! $9?!?

Shit eating kid behind…

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