I AM…

Hell isn’t somewhere you go. Hell isn’t other people. Hell isn’t punishment for your sins or mistakes or pain you inflicted. No. Hell is something you carry with you. Hell is what stares back at you every single time you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see. Hell is every day you wish away by desiring to be someone else, somewhere else.

I am…

The most important words in the world, for what follows them creates your reality. Creates hell or heaven. Makes you feel awesome, like a force of nature, or as if you are not relevant, weak, ugly, stupid.

That is all, my friends.

That is all.

Simple, right?

Then why would you like to crawl through life, as if everyone else is better, as if you are not worthy. Why hate yourself? Why spend your days waiting for a day when it will all be over, when you’ll be finally happy, when you’ll feel loved.

It doesn’t work like that.

It never ends.

You have to fight. And keep fighting.

To be who you want to be. To define yourself. To create your own destiny.

Here’s the funny thing: you’d never have the guts to talk to others the way you talk to yourself. To be so mean, so critical, so judgmental. And, truth be told, the only person you can never get away from is yourself.

You can never travel far enough to run away from the unhappiness in your heart.

I am… the most important words, for what follows after them shapes your life. And unless you understand it all, you will go through life as if your destiny is governed by outside forces. By circumstances you could never change.

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16 thoughts on “I AM…

  1. >You have to fight. And keep fighting.
    >To be who you want to be. To define yourself. To create your own destiny.

    And then you die.
    As we all do.
    As you yourself have pontificated upon.
    And though it might be sad, at the time, to think someone lives with self-loathing for much of their life. In the end, it doesn’t matter, does it?

    Liked by 1 person

      • To teach that the Stoic within us all, exists, may be one of the hardest lessons; both to learn and to convince. I personally waffle between nihilism and stoicism — and try to blend then when I can — which I think is possible as they both share some common traits.
        What do you think is harder: writing or selling one’s writing? (I’m pretty sure I know your answer, as I would any author’s (as well as my own), but I find the result to be unexpected.)

        Liked by 1 person

        • I do like to think of myself as a stoic, but it’s incredibly difficult to apply the philosophy in your day to day life.

          And to answer your question: it depends on who you are and what you enjoy most. Tough question. In my case, it’s marketing. Mostly because I do not get creative enough, or even persistent enough to find a viable solution to selling my books. They have always been a sort of hobby of mine, and this is the first thing to be discarded when my schedule becomes a bit crowded.

          Liked by 1 person

  2. Our precious time here is a classroom where we are allowed to learn what is important and seperate it from the detritus of living. Whatever hell we create is as personal as our DNA, and to focus on that aspect is to have missed the most valuable of lessons, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” If we do not celebrate our differences and concentrate on the unique gifts we are each given, we certainly will suffer a hell of our own making, built of self-loathing and doubt, and in the end is that the retrospect we want to claim as our legacy for all we are given?

    Liked by 1 person

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