Perfect love

modern_love“We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.”Tom Robbins

It seems to me that everyone’s got a list of traits they demand from a lover. They want to be loved in a very specific way by a certain someone who has the exact set of qualities they want. But I suppose no one actually asks themselves if they deserve such a person. They don’t even ask themselves what are they going to do with such a person when they find them.

There’s no such thing as a perfect lover or perfect relationship. Nothing is perfect.

I think that there comes a moment when you see what’s underneath a person. You can see through all the masks they’ve put up along the time. And odds are that you won’t like what you see. A human. A flawed person. Contradictions, demons, phobias, and frustrations. Poison. Anger. Hate. Crushed dreams.

And once you see it all, you have a choice. You can never look the other way and pretend that you didn’t see anything. So you must decide to love that person. And that is the most difficult thing a person can ever do.

Because you’re the only one responsible for creating that love. It doesn’t even matter how the other person is, or how he or she acts. It all depends on you. How gentle you are, how kind, how forgiving. How supportive.

If you hold on, even when all you want to do is let go.

Relationships fail because people never get this part. They never shape their love. It just gets molded by all the lovers they had. Heartbreaks and disillusions change them and the way they love others. And even the way they show their love.

The feeling stays the same. It never changes. But how you act because of it does. Depending on how you are, how past relationships changed you, how you let all the other events in your life affect you.

We are never, ever our stories. We are what we chose to become after those stories happened to us.

So ask yourself. What does your love look like? Is it patient enough? Is it forgiving enough?

It might sound like a bunch of crap, but you might end up realizing that you loved someone an awful lot, but you never did what was right for them. You never tried to understand them, or show genuine support.

Because love is only a small part of what a relationship is all about. Love is the decision to make someone happy for the rest of their lives.

But there’s got to be respect, understanding, and confidence.

Most times, we do want to be understood. Far more than we want to be loved, because not being loved makes you bitter, while not being understood makes you feel lonely.

In the end, a relationship is just two people who know each other, who understand it each other, and who listen to each other.

To want anything more than that is to set yourself up for failure.

Advertisements

13 thoughts on “Perfect love

  1. its nice but i do not agree on few points you said it does not matter how the other acts you have to love care and have kindness well that is something not possible i think cause we are all human not angels we can not give back love for hatred its natural if in a relationship one does not give back or puts the same effort as you it will not work out second i think we all have a certain type and it depends on what we can take or not take what are our boundaries for example some priority looks while some personality etc and this has nothing to do with deserving cause everyone deserves the best no one wants something less but if you love then it does not matter at all lower or higher but it comes in relationship in some way or another jealously creeps up and last if you feel like letting go , you should leave love should not ask sacrifices and compromises why live together when your not happy (plus they are just my views i thought to write them as i read your post and these are my thoughts only no hatred )take care and sorry for the long reply :)

    • Eh, not exactly true. Have you not heard of people staying together despite the fact that their partner does x, y and z? They choose to keep on loving. I’m not saying that’s good or bad, but that’s how things are.

      Of course, in perfect the perfect world perfect people meet each other and live perfectly. More often than not, that is not true. People make mistakes, it is up to you to stand by that person then or not…

      • well i agree they choose to stay and many people i have seen they still stay because of different reasons like children society no financial support etc but its not love can you love someone who hits you ? i do not think any sane person would but people say they love and they can not leave well before loving that person they should love themselves more and teach there kids some self respect ,i am not saying it should be perfect but atleast it should be in that box where you draw the line , making mistake is small thing but some are called sins and blunders if someone who do not give you the respect you want do cheating and hit you and many multiple things if you still choose to stay that will because of the above reasons i mentioned and its not love its a mental illness and low self esteem you should not compromise and sacrifice cause this life is too short to give up yourself , see if someone is nice to you , your nice to them if someone is mean how can you be nice? this is the reality anyway what i said all were only my opinions has nothing to do with anyone and i gave them as i think its my right to put forth my opinions

      • I am one of those who stayed despite the x.y and z’s… or let me say I stayed from A to Z and 1 to 1M! Why? Because of my children and because I loved him so much that I told myself no matter what happens I will stay and will keep this family together. But the result was not good, kids observed the smelly rotten relationship, and as parents we intend to become a role models to them when it comes to married life. I kept trying the best I know but nothing changed, they even call me a martyr, and my reasons were unacceptable! Staying in a relationship that is one sided is not healthy – I experienced depression and almost lost my sanity. The pain ripped my entire life, disrespect truly stabbed me. And I became a different person.

        I stayed until the day my husband died on his bed… 28 longs years with him (11 years of it was a roller coaster)

        You’re right, people make mistakes and we can stand by that person or not… That is why LOVE has no perfect definition, sometimes it is a matter of choice… I think this item – Perfect Love – is something to think about, for people like me :-)

        Thank you, I think it is a healthy discussion and educational too…

  2. This is such a beautiful post. We always have a list of expectations from the people we love rather than the things we can offer.and As you said, it’s always difficult to keep a relationship once you know the flaws and faults of the other person. Everyone wants to live with the perfection and everyone hates being an imperfectionist.

  3. Love is everything, if it dies, then the relationship is no more. Love is a two way street. Both parties need to be committed to a relationship. Yes, I agree that it takes hard work, but it is only viable, if it is reciprocal.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s