What I learned from heartbreak (and why it’s the best thing that can happen to you)

Business gurus will tell you that failure is an integral part of success. Just so you remember you are mortal. You are not invincible. You will fail, you will have to try over and over again.

The same principle applies to love. You need to get your heart broken.


Because it’s the only way one can grow.

Let me explain.

Boy meets girl. Boy hopelessly falls in love. Girl soon feels the same about him. They spend a while together, and then one of them decides it’s no longer worth it, and they leave.

The outcome is the same: pain, bitterness, regret…

What is wrong with you? What is wrong with them?

How could they do such a thing?



And so on and so forth… with a bit of tears (or more of them) and a lot of questions.

Some folks choose to never find out the answers to those questions, while others decide other people are stupid and can’t appreciate a good thing when they see it.

But a few will learn from this. A few will strive to understand things.

Yes, it is a very painful process.

Depression and anxiety kicks in.

You stop taking care of yourself, for what is the purpose?

You pretend you’re okay on the outside, but you’re slowly dying on the inside.

But you learn… you do.

You kind of understand, after a while, that happiness and self worth are not for sale. That you cannot be truly yourself if you have to look in the hearts and minds of others for validation.

You see, the point is that you have to be alone. You have to learn to love yourself, to love who you are, what you represent in this world. People rarely get this. You must be alone. You must be strong by yourself, for the social rules that allow us to live together won’t help you create the life you want.

Simply put, people are selfish. They want something out of every single interaction.

You need to understand this.

You need to understand that it is important to be the best version that you can be. You now know never to become complacent, never to settle. To do more. To aspire for more.

Because you’ll be dead soon enough anyway.

Because when hearts break, death seems like a mild nuisance.

It is life that is truly terrifying. Complex beyond belief.

If it was simple before your heart shattered into a million pieces, now you’ve got to grab all those pieces and somehow glue them back together.

Some of you might argue that a broken heart is no longer as strong.

I beg to differ.

Hearts break only once. The rest are just scratches.


7 thoughts on “What I learned from heartbreak (and why it’s the best thing that can happen to you)

  1. Agreed. In my youth, I just thought I’d had my heart broken. I found out I didn’t know what real heartbreak was. My one true heartbreak was from my only true love so far in life. And it was truly the most excruciating devastation I’ve ever endured. But I did endure. And you’re right. I am stronger. More wise. More in touch with who I am, and what I can or would dare promise to offer another person.

    in the previous years after the devastation, I’ve been mostly alone. And from that being alone, I’ve found a bit more of who I am. It said (this is paraphrased) that a man who knows himself knows the greatest gift. Because in the end that is all you have – the gift of yourself.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I was ready to disagree with you until I got to the end, and read the quote that a heart breaks only once and the rest are just scratches.

    Still not sure I agree, but it did make me pause and think for a bit. The irony of my life is that with every disappointment I find myself more open and more prepared for the next one. I think I’m far less guarded and more comfortable with vulnerability and the possibility of failure than I was before.

    Guys my age are not like that. The opposite has happened. So many guys I know become jaded and believe every woman is out to get them.

    I think men internalise breakups and heart breaks differently than women do. We heal and prepare for another break. Men seem to harden their hearts, hence only scratches.

    Liked by 2 people

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