Afraid of Heights

I’ve always been afraid of heights. Just imagining looking down over a ledge at this great abyss was enough to make me dizzy…

I have always been afraid of falling. Of failing. Of being rejected, criticized. Of being ridiculed, ignored, despised, laughed at.

I’ve always been afraid. Of heights, of spiders and bugs, of dogs, of other people, of getting hurt, of pain, of suffering…

I was born weak. Fragile. Bad eyes, bad health, bad posture… when it came to first impressions… I suffered from what folks like to call social anxiety – I just wasn’t good around people. I lived inside my head. I despised going out. I despised talking to others.

From my father, I understood that I was dumb, ugly, and a failure at everything. I understood that I was afraid of so many thing, because greatness hadn’t been bestowed upon me.

I wrote, yes, but no one bothered to read my words. My stories. I kept writing nonetheless.

A part of me hoped that my words would make me feel less invisible. Would make this pain go away. Would stop me being afraid. Would silence these voices that kept telling me that I was too dumb, too weak, too ugly to succeed. To be happy. To smile. To laugh.

It was just me and my words. For a long and silent time.

Then, my first week of high school – among all the new things to suddenly be afraid of – one of my teachers asked to read a story of mine. This teacher looked me in the eye and told me I was talented.

And I decided to be talented.

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8 thoughts on “Afraid of Heights

  1. They must have been a good teacher with a shrewd eye for talent! Personally, I think everyone has a talent but education for children is not broad enough for them to discover it. What’s important is people help you find it.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Cristian, thank you for being so candid about your childhood. You are made in the image of God and you have an incredible talent which you have cultivated in a radically awesome way. I hope you see yourself in a different light today, your followers certainly think highly of you. God bless!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. It only takes one teacher to alter a perception of a school. Like wisperedwords above says, a very good teacher with a shrewd eye for talent! Never give up on your creativity and continue to write. Do not let others determine what you should think or feel about yourself, I have wasted (and still do occasionally) too much of my life stressing about what others think of me rather than what I think of me. Sharing your thoughts and feelings in any medium is one of the most strongest traits a person can have! Keep writing and stay strong!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. God bless this teacher. I had one like that as well and it meant the world to me. I’m guessing she is long gone by now but I will never forget her. She encouraged and praised my ability to paint and when I revisited her several years later I saw my art still on her classroom wall and that meant even more to me.

    Liked by 1 person

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