You’re NOT Human!

Disclaimer: I decided to change the direction of this blog. I have been asking myself what topics to write about, how to go about all of it, and I finally made up my mind. Since this blog has my name of it, it’s going to be a bit more personal, but not in a boring way. I’ll be writing mostly about my struggles, the things I had to overcome, my obsession with bettering myself, how I quit certain bad habits, my fitness journey, and stuff like that.

I’d like to call this “The Dash Project.” You know… there are two dates and a dash on a tombstone, and that dash represents all that you have done in your life. I’m going to make that dash count.

After I quit smoking, I decided to once again go to the gym. I bought a gym membership, and the first thing I did was run on the treadmill…

A few minutes of running, my heart rate reached 160 BPM, and I felt chest pain so intense I had to stop. But the next day I was at it again. And the next day, and the day after that.

I have been working out every single day for three months now. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

And I haven’t been doing it to look good naked, so women find me more attractive, or to post videos of my lifts on Instagram. I am doing it for my brain.

Those of you who have been following this blog for some time know about my issues with depression,  low self-esteem due to some nasty health problems, and the fact that I used to weigh some 120 pounds at a height of 5 feet and 8 inches.

I have been working on and off for the last 3 years or so, but the truth is that I never stuck to it. And I never did go all in like I did in these last months.

I did not have a strong enough why. I did not know why I was doing it. And, truth be told, it was mostly for other people…

But now… I am working out just because it does wonders for my brain.

From what I have studied, apparently we have a brain because it enables us to do some complex movements. And that’s its main function. By doing complex stuff, like all sorts of physical activity, we make our brain bigger, smarter, faster, happier…

I strenuously believe that we have lost a lot by becoming “civilized.” You know, this sort of lethargic lifestyle, the driving to and from work, the sitting at a desk for 8 hours, the beer and pack of smokes waiting for you when you get home… the fast food industry, our addiction to comfort, to instant gratification, to technology…

Whether you like it or not, but our generation is the worst generation ever in terms of emotional resilience. You can see it everywhere. Like… people freaking out over dumb stuff. Freaking out over some coins that they should have received as change, or that someone else accidentally touched them on the street. Some stuff like that…

We are descended from warriors. Strange, right? Like… how? Yeah. We used to hunt (this is going to be tough on some people) and we were good at it. We used to run some 20 miles a day. And we loved it.

FUN FACT: Did you know that when training your lower body (legs, basically) this has the added benefit of preserving, if not increasing, muscle mass in your upper body, but the other way around does not work?

You were made to run… to fight for survival in a really tough environment. To lift heavy stuff, to struggle to lift it, to explore new environments, to adapt to those new, strange, and perilous environments.

Now write down a list of the things that bothered you today. They are silly, considering what you were meant to be doing.

And, no, you have yet to evolve. We have yet to evolve.

And thus we have a ton of stress related health issues, because the biggest stressors in our lives are things we cannot escape, and things we shouldn’t even bother with.

But if you workout…

Truth be told that I could be writing a lot of fancy sciency stuff, but that would bore you. I could try to persuade you, but…

I am just going to write this: I used to be incredibly weak emotionally. Bad days, I’d contemplate killing myself. Good days, I’d have to struggle being in crowded places, looking people in the eye, and I’d cry myself to sleep…

I don’t do that anymore. I just don’t. I feel great. I feel like dancing half the day… and I didn’t used to do that. I used to hate dancing (one of my characters from Jazz hates to dance because I do, so…) I feel like a million bucks. I can focus. I have stopped overthinking…

This is amazing. Honestly.

It’s dumb, right?

I am doing dumb stuff…

This is not that human… it’s like what animals do…

I am lifting heavy weights, putting them back down, without any sort of… it’s mindless. Running on treadmills, going on jogs, doing hundreds of pushups, pull-ups, and crunches…

But it works. I feel great. I just do.

I destroy myself first thing in the morning, and then I eat an awful lot to put myself back together, only stronger than before. And this makes me feel fantastic, in a way nothing else ever made me feel…


  1. You are so right, we do find comfort in the very things that are killing us. Maybe because it doesn’t require any physical exertion. It’s way easier to sit still take on the weight of the world rather than to do something that is going to make you better all around in the long run, because it requires more physical effort. The said thing is many people don’t like being physically uncomfortable. Most people will take on mental discomfort way before they ever think about taking on physical discomfort.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I love your idea of ‘making the dash count.’ We only have so many precious years in this go-around, as this person, so making every minute count, living your life meaningfully, and using your dash to its fullest…nice thought.


  3. I’m still a runner after all these years, and it has a great fringe benefit. While I’m on the road, that’s where I write my stories.

    And as one of my favorite movies puts it “Res Firma Mitescere Nescit”. I prefer the less formal version of the translation.

    And with that, I’ll let you all go on a little treasure hunt for that translation.

    Liked by 1 person

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