Though my soul may set in darkness…

Truth be told, it’s quite hard to think of something I haven’t been afraid of. Scrawny kid, strange kid, I used to spend so much time at the doctors… I used to be afraid of them. Still am. Afraid of spiders, of bugs, of dogs, of getting hurt, of darkness…

I spent my childhood being afraid.

Then I grew up and spent my teenage years and early adulthood being afraid of different things. Of failure, of success, of other people, of dying alone, of making a fool out of myself in front of a large number of people. Afraid to speak up, afraid to pursue my ambitions, afraid to tell people the truth about how I felt, still afraid of dogs…

Yet, somehow… I am still here, aren’t I? Still fighting, still doing my thing. Not as afraid of dogs as I used to be. Doing the scary thing before I get to think about it too much. Recognize the fear, count to ten, do it. And while you’re doing it, you kind of realize it’s not as scary as you thought.

Here’s the ironic truth: behind every fear lies someone you wish you were. Afraid of failure? You wish you were the kind of person who is a success. You’re afraid you’re not, you do not want to confront this, to find out…

But the thing is, you do not find out if you’re this or that. You only find out if you’re that person yet. That’s all. Three letter word that makes a hell of a difference.

You love the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.

Let love guide you. Let that vision of who you want to be inspire you.

I did that.

Man, I was so afraid. Can’t imagine the terror I felt… how much time it took me to get things done, to learn things, to face my fears. I got my heart broken, and I thought I was going to die alone. I was this weird kid at school that had no friends, and I was afraid that no one would ever like me.

But I had a vision. I could see it, in my mind, as clear as what my eyes saw. I could see who I wanted to be, how I’d act, how everything would be, would feel…

I was afraid, but I did it anyway.

This is what we all feel. We carry our fears with us, we hide them deep inside, but we’re all afraid of something. The idea is not to be fearless… no… the idea is to face your fears, to recognize the lies those fears keep feeding you, and do whatever you would do if you weren’t afraid.

Because, one day, when looking back at your life, you’ll regret not facing your fears… you’ll regret not being brave enough to become who you’ve always wanted to be.

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10 thoughts on “Though my soul may set in darkness…

  1. Totally agree with the point here and I love the closing phrase “Because, one day, when looking back at your life, you’ll regret not facing your fears… you’ll regret not being brave enough to become who you’ve always wanted to be.” We always spend our time in fearing this and that in life, we have forgotten to enjoy the moment, face the fears and walk through them. At the end of all, things are equal, because we’ll always gain from loss and loss from the gain… 🙂
    Nice sharing! Very motivational for the day.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Cristian did you realize: you could be brave despite the fear and/or did you shift your perspective on mental conflict? Maybe neither but curious. I have been focused on mental conflict since 14 years old – that is a long time as I am 58 now. I love seeing that you broke through the trappings of the minds deliberations and the accompanying fears. Congratulations and to your continued success.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I realized everyone is afraid, but some figure out the fact that fear is just a self-imposed limit. Well, most of the time. It’s just a choice. Your emotions are just trying to keep you alive, but if you want to thrive in life, not just survive, then you must listen to the voice of reason.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. This is an excellent post, mostly because it hit me in an indirect and almost conflicting way.
    Your heart-spoken words, I realized that I was spending way too much time (all of it actually), digging for the sources of my fears, all the while not facing any of them. It was kind of like digging a hole but throwing all if the dirt right back on top of you.
    Christian, your post here, has really rocked my mind and has helped me immensely to get back onto the right track and start facing my fears, and dealing with them directly. Taking my time through those fears, one at a time preferred, and not spend all my energy digging for the *hidden** reason for that fear. And finally gaining an understanding that brevity reveals itself from facing strife, anguish and danger.

    Liked by 1 person

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