Change is not pretty

We often forget that changing ones life does not happen during a four minute montage. Yes, we could make a four minute montage of how we got into fitness and lost a lot of weight and ended up being shredded.

No, this is not how things go in life.

“Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor” Alexis Carrel

Change is a painful and slow process. You have to struggle against a million voices in your head telling you that you shouldn’t do this or that.

The act of bettering oneself is not to be taken lightly.

You need a lot of guts to start, and even more to keep going when everything seems to be falling apart.

I remember when I weighted a grand total of 55 kilograms. That’s 121 pounds. I wanted to change. To look at least decent enough, so people wouldn’t think I just got rescued from a tropical island where I spent the last three years with a ball by the name of Wilson.

Anyway.

I would watch these cool workout videos, in which the human equivalent of gods lifted many times their own weight, and  I’d imagine one day looking like that… I’d imagine being able to do all those things, and own a pair of hard as rock abs, but…

I could only do a few push-ups. On my knees.

It took a while to be able to do more. To lift weights. To be able to run…

All of it was painful.

I remember how painful, and how tiring it was.

I also remember that when I noticed results, that was when I started welcoming the pain. Yes. I was proud to wake up the next morning feeling sore. I was a sign that I had worked hard.

Change is painful. Nothing glamorous about it.

But if you want it bad enough, you’ll manage to smile regardless of the pain you feel.

One day I decided to go for a run. It was raining… a bit. I remember that I couldn’t believe how fast I was running in such an effortless manner. It’s difficult to explain. It felt like flying. I felt as if I could jump and soar a hundred feet into the air. I felt as if I could race the cars that were passing me by on the street.

I was grinning like an idiot all during that run.

It felt so good that I almost forgot about the years of pain and humiliation and frustration and wanting to give up, again and again and again.

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6 thoughts on “Change is not pretty

  1. I’ve always wanted to tell my story, but.. I don’t think in linear logic. I’m really circuitous so I often just.. sometime forget where I started. I’m going to officially at least sort of say my first name

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Inspiring and motivating story. Thank you for sharing.
    I think we suffer when we let go of the old self. Probably the caterpillar 🐛 enjoys being a caterpillar 🐛 Moreover the butterfly 🦋 cannot change to its original state.
    Real transformation takes place when there’s no going back to the original state. We are free.🦋💕🦋

    Liked by 1 person

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