The saddest words in the English language. If only.
If only I’d known what I know now, if only I had done this or that, if only…
Regret comes in all shapes and sizes. And time passes and heals wounds, and, in the end, regret is the only thing that ties us to our past. Or to a better version of it.
That’s the thing about being human. You don’t only dream of a better future, but you also work really hard to imagine a better past. A different past. One that would provide all kinds of alternate outcomes and new meanings to who and where you are right now.
We change. The world changes around us. The people in our lives change as well. Nothing really stays the same, and that’s why we regret.
As a reminder that we used to be different. That our lives used to be different. And we play with this new version of who we are and we pretend that our present self could travel back in time and correct our mistakes.
“If only…”
And we call this regret.
And it hurts.
The awful truth about life is that it goes on. Whether you want it to or not; it just goes on.
But regret keeps us trapped in the past, trapped in this bizarre world that never even existed in the first place. A world of illusions, of impossible dreams, a world that’s never coming back.
In a way, if we beat ourselves up with problems from the past for long enough we end up missing a version of the past that only exists inside our head.
Kierkegaard believed that life can only be understood backwards. We analyze the past and we understand life. But, sadly, it can only be lived forwards. Nothing that happened can ever be changed. It can be fixed, but it’s never the same.
And, in the end, the future is much more interesting. We never know what might happen, and that makes it infinitely more fascinating than what already happened.
This post was sponsored by Alyssa Hubbard
True, past doesn’t matter anymore and, whatever happened, actually if we “have” to think about the past we should be thankful because it made us who we are today.
Future is interesting, also true, but I think more interesting is the present which is also shaping our future.
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Very true. We forget our present when we think about the past. And that is the core reason why we are unhappy. Amazing post, Cristian!
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Thank you!
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You’re most welcome.
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Great Post. So true, we really spend a lot of time focused on regrets instead of trying to achieve a better future.
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Thank you! We choose our focus, and we can choose to focus on what needs to be done, rather than was has already happened.
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A few days ago, I was fixated on “what if…” What if I’d turned right instead of left, what if I’d done things differently… This was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you :)
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Life is too short to dwell on regrets. It is only while treading the path of unknown, one encounters the most beautiful treasures of life.
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Indeed. But it’s impossible to always be brave enough to do all that you want. And we always end up missing the chances that we did not take.
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I do agree on that. No one is so courageous, it is only that they put up a brave face while not admitting regrets. It is wise to live in the moment. Maybe the chances which one thought to have missed were meant to be so. The maturity to handle them was not there at that moment. Chances, Moments, I believe have a life of their own. They allow only those whom they feel would make the best use of them. Once they know you are ready, they again present themselves in the guise of better opportunities.
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What a great article!!!! It’s a great message!!!
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Thank you so much, Ian!
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I have written about regret a time or two. I decided to turn my regret into something positive by thinking about what I’m doing or not doing now that I’ll regret in 20 years and do something about it now. It helps.
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I really like this article. It helped to reshape my perspective. Nicely done. And only by telling the truth, simply, as well. Bravo.
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Thank you!
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