What I Learned from Heartbreak (And Why It’s The Best Thing that Can Happen to You)

Business gurus will tell you that failure is an integral part of success. Just so you remember you are mortal. You are not invincible. You will fail, you will have to try over and over again.

The same principle applies to love. You need to get your heart broken.


Because it’s the only way one can grow.

Let me explain.

Boy meets girl. Boy hopelessly falls in love. Girl soon feels the same about him. They spend a while together, and then one of them decides it’s no longer worth it, and they leave.

The outcome is the same: pain, bitterness, regret…

What is wrong with you? What is wrong with them?

How could they do such a thing?



And so on and so forth… with a bit of tears (or more of them) and a lot of questions.

Some folks choose to never find out the answers to those questions, while others decide other people are stupid and can’t appreciate a good thing when they see it.

But a few will learn from this. A few will strive to understand things.

Yes, it is a very painful process.

Depression and anxiety kicks in.

You stop taking care of yourself, for what is the purpose?

You pretend you’re okay on the outside, but you’re slowly dying on the inside.

But you learn… you do.

You kind of understand, after a while, that happiness and self worth are not for sale. That you cannot be truly yourself if you have to look in the hearts and minds of others for validation.

You see, the point is that you have to be alone. You have to learn to love yourself, to love who you are, what you represent in this world. People rarely get this. You must be alone. You must be strong by yourself, for the social rules that allow us to live together won’t help you create the life you want.

Simply put, people are selfish. They want something out of every single interaction.

You need to understand this.

You need to understand that it is important to be the best version that you can be. You now know never to become complacent, never to settle. To do more. To aspire for more.

Because you’ll be dead soon enough anyway.

Because when hearts break, death seems like a mild nuisance.

It is life that is truly terrifying. Complex beyond belief.

If it was simple before your heart shattered into a million pieces, now you’ve got to grab all those pieces and somehow glue them back together.

Some of you might argue that a broken heart is no longer as strong.

I beg to differ.

Hearts break only once. The rest are just scratches.


  1. This is good, Christian. Being hurt does make us stronger. And being alone is good for us, too. Ah, heartbreak. There is a photo of a woman holding your Jazz book on your Facebook page. Was it her? I fell in love with her too as soon as I saw the photo. ;)

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Your last statement gave me pause. Yes, for some people it may be true that they get their hearts broken only once. Some of them may never love powerfully after that. But there are many people who give each of their serious romantic relationships their all, and suffer every time quite a lot. Also, you may find that heartbreak is not the only way a heart can break. Other people can hurt your heart badly too.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Yes! One has got to learn to be alone. At least, for once! It’s a practice that will shut out external noises – to let you hear that still small voice that is seeking to speak to you from the depth of your heart.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Omg I know I said “I needed this” a million different times on your blog, but I needed this. I went through a heart-break back in October and felt completely lost. I am just now in a phase where I feel better than ever. Like there are so many opportunities for me. I realized how important I am and how I need to focus on myself. Everything you said is true and everyone needs to hear it.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Tiana. I am glad you enjoyed reading this post of mine.

      Heartbreak is, I am afraid, necessary. It’s an important step towards loving yourself, towards calibrating yourself to be the right person for someone, rather than just looking for the right person.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. This is so on point. Once you reach that level of wisdom you can handle love and life in a different manner. I tell single all the time, you think being single is terrible, talk to a person that’s with the wrong person. You have to be strong on your on. Be a WHOLE person before entering into a relationship.

    Great post. 👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾

    Liked by 1 person

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