You’re Not Broken. You’re Human.

“You say you’re ‘depressed’ – all I see is resilience. You are allowed to feel messed up and inside out. It doesn’t mean you’re defective – it just means you’re human.”David Mitchel

Loneliness. It’s painful. It’s a disease. It’s as if there’s a wall between you and everyone else. It’s just you and the silence. Just you and yourself. It forces you to think. To remember. To feel. To remember what you’d never want to feel again.

Depression. Feels like drowning. With the added difference that you see everyone else breathing. It’s standing at edge of an abyss, staring down at the void, contemplating the idea of oblivion.

We often feel broken beyond repair. Hopeless. We see ourselves as unworthy of redemption.

I want to tell you that we are here to feel.

That is all.

Everything that makes you feel alive is worth experiencing at least once. Sometimes even twice.

It’s all so we develop a certain perspective. It’s so that we grow and become what we’re supposed to become.

So feel. Just feel. Just let it be. Just accept what is.

Let go. Continue reading

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Loneliness

This video presents a number of interesting concepts about virtual interaction, social networks, and loneliness, but what I found really interesting was the idea that in a virtual environment we get to edit who we are.

In a way, I agree. In a social media world such as ours, we can delete and change who we want the world to believe we are. Information is a couple of seconds from our reach, so we can appear to be smarter, but given enough time I believe you can’t appear to be someone you’re not. Continue reading

Do This and It Will Change Your Life

The Stanford marshmallow experiment was a series of studies conducted by psychologist Walter Mischel in the late 1960s and early 1970s. In these studies, a child had to choose between receiving a small reward immediately or two small rewards if they waited for a short period, during which the tester left the room and then returned.

Pretty much a study on delayed gratification.

Do you want it now, or are you willing to suffer and wait for it? Continue reading

Depression. Suicide. Courage.

The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling. – David Foster Wallace

Written by someone who ended up hanging himself, I think he knew what he was talking about.

Deciding to end one’s life needs quite a lot of contemplating on the subject. And, truth of the matter, we could debate the accuracy of such a description and all aspects of depression and suicide until the end of time, without arriving at a certain conclusion.

Maybe it’s got to do with emotional resilience. Maybe it’s got to do with neurological damage, with hormones and stuff. Continue reading

A Lesson: On Depression, Emotional Resilience, and Heartbreaks

“Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he’s depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, “Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up.” Man bursts into tears. Says, “But doctor…I am Pagliacci.” ― Alan Moore

You know the saying, “Don’t judge a book by its cover?”

Well, it’s true.

Oftentimes there’s a big difference between what we’re able to decipher about a person, what we see at the surface, and what lies underneath it all. There’s a big difference between appearance and essence.

Continue reading

On Feeling Broken

“When you are the anvil, be patient. When you are the hammer, strike.” Arabian Proverb

I have this defect. One of my legs. Nothing too crazy, it just makes me walk in a funny way.

I also don’t have the most symmetric of faces.

I used to weight some 55kg at a height of 175 cm.

I’ve been sick of one thing or another ever since I can remember. Spent a lot of time in hospitals.

I’ve been alone for almost all my life.

I’ve been depressed, socially anxious, lonely, tired, so, so tired, I’ve been suicidal, self-destructive, selfish, and a real pain in the ass for a lot of people.

I spent eight years writing without earning a dime, being constantly told to give up on my dreams. Continue reading

The Power of Reframing

Success is this: the ability to play the hand you’re dealt like it’s the hand you wanted.

Life is kind of unpredictable. Roller-coaster from hell gone mad kind of unpredictable. Lots and lots of ups and downs, of stress, of pain and suffering and obstacles. Also, our minds play tricks on us and it seems that it is far easier to focus on the bad, on what we have yet to have, on faults and flaws, on the bad memories. Continue reading