My home country of Romania is last in the European Union when it comes to reading books. The book market here is the stuff of nightmares for any writer.
What do these two sentences mean?
I shouldn’t be able to do what I do. I shouldn’t have attempted it. And I don’t think that you ever gave it a thought while reading my posts.
My parents never read a single thing I wrote because my words are foreign to them. They never read my stories or novels. Odds are, they never will. They never understood my dream of becoming a writer. Nor did they encourage it. But they also didn’t try to talk me out of it. Too often.
What amuses me most about dreams is that most of the time we tend to attach a sort of vague hope to them. It’s like we spend an awful lot of time contemplating a distant future when all our dreams will come true instead of actually trying to make them come true.
But it doesn’t work like that.
I try not to regret (the things I did or didn’t do) but I can’t help but feel sorry that half my “career” as a writer was spent like this. I wasn’t writing that much, mostly because writing is kind of hard – especially when you’re just starting out and you’re worried about technical stuff, about the mechanics of writing. I suppose all aspiring writers spend more time wishing for stories to magically get written.
I began writing in my most vulnerable years. I was dumb and arrogant, as most teenagers seem to be, and I did my best to pour greatness into every sentence I wrote. But I was also lying to myself, writing about what I didn’t know, pretending to know, and I got caught and people could see that I wasn’t willing to let them in – I was building this wall to protect my true self from anyone who would be searching for it behind my words. There was nothing that belonged to me in the stories I wrote.
“Where do they go, these dreams of mine? Do they live? Do they die? Do they fall? Do they fly?”
“Most people will spend their lives doing jobs that they don’t particularly enjoy, and will eventually save up enough money to stop doing those jobs just in time to start dying instead. Don’t be one of those people. There’s a difference between living, and just surviving. Do something that you love, and find someone to love who loves that you love what you do. It really is that simple. And that hard.” – John Connolly
I strenuously believe that most of us crave adventure. We want our lives to make us feel. We crave the bittersweet excitement brought on by uncertainty.
But we also want safety. And comfort. Just enough.
A couple years ago I decided that it was important to develop myself. It was more than just curiosity. It was necessity. I had went through a series of traumatic experiences which left me with the regret that I could have done better.
If only I had known…
So I began to read about personal development. I studied psychology, NLP, self-hypnosis, meditation…
I think that the vast majority of what happens to us is beyond our control. But we always get to choose how we react to what happens to us.
Which makes how we react a lot more important than what happens.
So, what did I learn from reading over a hundred such books in two years? Continue reading →
Less than six months after I got published, I won the Pulitzer. Actually… I’m just kidding. I sold, well, I really didn’t sell many books.
I know what you’re thinking right now. What a waste of time and energy. But I don’t regret it. The calling is for you to write stories. Good or bad, it doesn’t matter. Success is something that comes as a bonus, if you’re lucky enough.
But still, there were times when I thought that I could have made things differently; I could have tried to write a new book, a better one. But I didn’t. I guess that I had exhausted my patience and courage. Continue reading →
No one is going to remember you. Fifty years from now, when you’re long gone, when all the pictures of you and your family have decayed like old bones in a cemetery, you’ll be less than nothing.
It will be as if you never even existed.
So what’s the purpose of it all? Why should you pretend to be the good guy, why are you trying to bring judgment upon the world, when the world itself doesn’t want you, doesn’t need you, and most certainly is going to forget you the moment you die? Why would anyone want to be nothing? Continue reading →