Depression. Suicide. Courage.

The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling. – David Foster Wallace

Written by someone who ended up hanging himself, I think he knew what he was talking about.

Deciding to end one’s life needs quite a lot of contemplating on the subject. And, truth of the matter, we could debate the accuracy of such a description and all aspects of depression and suicide until the end of time, without arriving at a certain conclusion.

Maybe it’s got to do with emotional resilience. Maybe it’s got to do with neurological damage, with hormones and stuff. Continue reading

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Three hundred

300. Three hundred.

Three hundred dollars.

That’s how much is left to raise in order for me to get the treatment that I need. The end of a ten year struggle.

So close. So freaking close.

We can do this.

I am so close to reaching this goal, to being able to eat what I want, to smile…

Only $300 left to raise in order to get the treatment I need.

If you’d like to help me out, you can donate any amount you see fit via PayPal here.

You can also purchase advertising, books, and much more from my e-store here.

Decisions/destiny

“It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.

The three decisions that control your destiny are:

1. Your decisions about what to focus on.

2. Your decisions about what things mean to you.

3. Your decisions about what to do to create the results you desire.”

Anthony Robbins

First we make choices, and then those choices make us. We become what we think about, we become the meaning we give to what happens to us. If we do not take care of what we do today, tomorrow will be hell.

This is a tough lesson to understand. This is, probably, the most important of lessons, because just as greatness is not a singular moment of heroism, so you cannot destroy your life in just one moment. Continue reading

No man is an island

There’s something about this saying that defines us, don’t you think? The solitary life, as much as we’d try, is never as fulfilling as living among other people. Interdependence. Compassion. The one thing that has made it impossible for other creatures to hunt us to extinction.

We can accomplish great feats together.

Together.

This is the idea… this is what it’s all about. What we’re all about. Continue reading

Interview with Jack Fussell: Raising awareness concerning Alzheimer’s

Here is an interview I did with a man whom I admire tremendously for his mission and the way he dedicates his time and energy to said mission.

1. First of all, tell us a bit about yourself.

Born in Douglas, Georgia in 1950. The one sibling I had passed away due to a heart attack. 6 years in the United States Navy. Two children, a son and a daughter. Divorced for 11 years and we are friends. 24/7 caregiver for my 89 year old mom.

2. You state your mission as “raising awareness concerning Alzheimer’s.” Why? 

I raise awareness because my dad died with Alzheimer’s in 2001. I know that before the government will spend the dollars that “experts” think is needed, they need to know about the problem.

3. What would you like the government to know? Continue reading

Today I want to write about hope. I want to write about what I consider to be man’s greatest strength and greatest weakness.

Hope. They say that only hope can prove to be stronger than fear. I agree. Hope gives us the strength to endure the unbearable, to struggle against the impossible, to deny defeat. Hope allows us to find clarity and faith and courage where there’s only darkness.

Believe it or not, without hope… there is only darkness. Because even if you lost everything, if you still have hope, not everything’s lost. But lose hope, and everything’s lost.

If you read yesterday’s post, you know that I need your help. In a very urgent, health related, desperate kind of way.

I have some sort of calcium deficiency, and well… my teeth decay. There’s no other way to put it. The enamel decays, then… well it progresses until there’s not much left except the root. It happened with my upper teeth a few years ago, it’s happening now with the lower set of teeth. There’s nothing to be done to stop it.

Of course, some of you may say that dental issues are not that serious. It’s not only about pain (and there’s lots and lots of that, a fact I had to get used to since I was in high school.) It’s also about the risk of running an infection that might spread throughout the body. Not to mention the difficulty of eating.

What did I do all these years?

I took a lot of painkillers. I worked. I wrote. I kept this blog alive by any means necessary.

Yes, I believed that I was fighting for something more important than my own health. This blog, my stories.

But the truth is that I’m scared. Right now… I’m scared. Or maybe I’m just now beginning to accept this as a fact. This blog is pretty much everything I have, and reaching out to you is the only thing I can do. Reaching out for help.

If you want to help me out, you can donate any amount you see fit via PayPal to to contact [at] cristianmihai [dot] net. Any amount matters. Any amount helps me immensely.

You can also purchase advertising here or here.

Also, anyone who donates $50 or more will be featured as sponsor for one month and will get a blog post reblogged.

Make a Donation Button

Once again, thank you all for your support. You give me hope. You always will.

Friday

One thousand two hundred and thirty dollars raised so far. A new appointment at the endodontist on Friday, and about six hundred more dollars needed for the treatment.

If you want to help me out with my medical bills, you can do so here.

Special offer still stands: anyone who donates $50 or more to the campaign will have a blog post featured on this blog. That’s besides any rewards you might select from the campaign page itself.

Thank you,

Cristian